#7:39pm

Siempre que estoy triste, escondo mi dolor con el enojo o la indiferencia, no quiero hablar ni saber nada de nadie y me alejo. Se que no es la mejor forma, pero es la única manera que encuentro...

[7:39 pm] pastel goth! Jun, goth! Minghao, and punk! you, all head to a misfits concert. making out with the two of them in the pit while Saturday night plays loudly in the background.

Today.. he is slowly not messaging me anymore like slowly ghosting me and im the only one thats always coming up with a topic and i honestly kinda tired. I dont wanna be carrying the conversation so im gonna stop trying now. Im sorry. I feel like i have tried enough.

💜💙💜💙Lately this life doesn't even feel like my own. All I want is to exist somewhere else and be someone else. Being yourself till the very end is quite demanding and honestly very unfair. It sucks because you never ask to be here and yet you have to fight to survive and be existent. You have to love your life even though you may have never wanted it. Sometimes it feels like a curse rather than a gift. Everyone that surrounds you doesn't even know what you are feeling. Nobody wants to know. They only care about themselves and that is how it will always be. When is my life going to start feeling like a gift? When will I get my actual chance to get ahead? I want to want to survive. I do not want to dread it most of the time. I want to go on adventures and meet great people and adopt a million cats. I want to live far from a society that cannot accept me or my thoughts and beliefs. I sometimes feel too unique and different from most people. People think that they know you, but they really don't. I want to meet someone who is like me. Someone who feels lost in this world as much as I do. Who feels like they need a new start. I want to leave this state. I want to be away. I want my chance to live. I want to be somewhere where money is not a real priority. I need a loving enivironment. A loving warm body next to me.💜💙💙💜