#40prayers

Transparency isn't about being suspicious, it's about building trust. It's not about limiting privacy, it's about building unity. We usually get a good bit of pushback whenever we urge couples to live with complete transparency in their marriages. The objections center around protecting "personal privacy", or couples say "my spouse should trust me without having to see my phone, etc". We genuinely and *strongly* disagree. Why? Because both objections assume that you're immune to temptation, sin, and making mistakes. Here's a personal example. Selena and I have something we call the "phone drop test". The concept is simple. At any moment, Selena could ask me to drop my phone on the table and give her unbridled access to everything on it. Texts, social media accounts, emails, browser history. Everything. I'm comfortable with this now, but there was a time early in our marriage when I wouldn't have been. It would have made me very nervous. Is my privacy violated in the above example? I think that's the wrong question to ask. The better question is, "do I have anything to hide, and if so, why?" Everything else is fair game because SHE'S MY WIFE. The thing is, she almost never asks me to see my phone (I can't remember the last time), but she can anytime and I'd be fine with it. Why? Because we've spent years building trust through truth and transparency. And, if she does find something questionable, what better person to call me out in my sin than my wife—who I know loves me and wants my very best? Time to get real; bear with me. Men and women who object to full transparency almost always (99.99% of the time) have something they're hiding from their spouse. It's just true. Friends, pursue truth, trust, and transparency in your marriage! It's what it takes to live as the ONE flesh you are (Mark 10:8). It's not easy at first, but the fruit of your labor is well worth it and your marriage will be stronger for it. Stay fierce, Ryan PS: we've started sharing more family/ faith stuff from our personal IG accounts: @ryan_fred and @selenafred. Let’s be friends! #fiercemarriage #40prayers #31daypursuit #seethroughbook https://www.instagram.com/p/B8141R9BJLK/?igshid=1nzx17md5ouyk

There's unparalleled power in the words you say to each other. Nobody has access to his/her heart the way you do. What's even more important is that words spoken cannot be retrieved. They can't be taken back! How many times do we speak to each other without thinking about the full effect of what we say? How many times do we say hurtful things out of frustration, impatience, anger, or tiredness? We must choose encouragement, grace, and faith instead of criticism, judgment, and fear. The former choices emphasize God's exclusive power to change hearts. The latter choices assume that we are the ones who can—and *must*—change our spouse's heart. That assumption can be very, very destructive in your marriage. Let God be God. He is a far better God than you could ever be. Then, you are freed to choose words that are wise and faith-filled. Proverbs 25:11 says, "a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." Timing, content, and context matter! Wield your words wisely. Speak life-giving, timely, and gospel-driven words to each other. Finally, don't be stingy with encouragement. Speak loving words generously! Give encouragement without reservation. As you do, the health and joy of your marriage will multiply. Challenge: **TAG** your spouse below with a few kind words. You might make their day! Stay fierce, Ryan and Selena PS: we've started sharing more family/ faith stuff from our personal IG accounts: @ryan_fred and @selenafred. Let’s be friends! #fiercemarriagebook #fiercemarriage #31daypursuit #40prayers #twoasone https://www.instagram.com/p/B8rVQHzhsz0/?igshid=13uiy054ar9p1

Your marriage must have a big purpose to thrive—it must have a reason beyond the marriage itself. Without purpose, our default posture is to require perfection (our version of it) before we feel like it's everything it should be. With that standard, every argument, hurt, and hurdle makes us question the covenant we made. But there's nothing in God's Word that tells us that marriage should or will be perfect. And in fact, our experience confirms the same! Instead, we're better off remembering that the keys to a healthy, thriving marriage are perspective and perseverance. Having perspective means not easily forgetting that your marriage has a purpose beyond itself—your holiness, your sanctification, God's glory. Marriage includes happiness and enjoyment, but that's not its purpose. Then, learn the practice of perseverance during the tough times while God's purposes are fulfilled. Stick through the tough times. Deeper joy and greater health are often on the other side of every trial. Will you experience happiness and joy? YES!! Marriage is an amazing adventure! However, no marriage struggles through joy. It's not during joy-filled times that you question your covenant. It's during the struggles. That's when we need to remember to have perspective and perseverance so that when we do make it through, we can again experience all the wonders of being made holier, experiencing deep friendship, and making incredible memories as a couple. God isn't finished with either you or your spouse, so don't give up on each other! Help each other become more like Christ in love and action and always remember that healthy marriage is more about perspective and perseverance, and less about perfection. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena P.S. If you're looking for a resource to experience deeper intimacy and perseverance, consider starting the 40-Day Prayer Journey. It changed our lives! Link in profile! #fiercemarriage #twoasone #40prayers #fiercemarriagebook https://www.instagram.com/p/B7bsumhByzO/?igshid=757e1j3ikenr

So much truth in this one and it can definitely apply both ways. However, men, this one is for you. Husbands, you have a very unique calling and ability to set the tone of your household. The culture of your family is a direct reflection of your leadership and love. Let that sink in... it’s a sobering thought! As a husband, you are responsible before God for how you love your wife—she is His daughter first, and your wife second. He loved her first. Care for her wisely... "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). How can you "give yourself" up for your wife? Let's explore. 1. Your faith. Find your worth, importance, and identity first in Christ. This is the foundation for any true, sacrificial love you can give to your wife and kids. 2. Your time. Time is your most precious and limited resource. Give your best time to your bride. Let everything else have the leftovers. 3. Your attention. Listen carefully, consider thoughtfully, and respond compassionately. Refuse to let your focus be divided when you're at home. Ditch distractions and engage. 4. Your provision. Providing for your family doesn't begin and end with your bank account. That's part of it, but you're also called to provide so much more... emotional energy and stability, spiritual leadership, prayer, and the list goes on. Give generously, but don't let your occupation be the only way you contribute to the health of your marriage and family. You have so much more to give! This is just a start, but I hope it gets you thinking. Men, love your brides well! Give yourself up for your wife as Christ did for his Church... doing so is wise, healthy, and obedient to your call as a husband. Stay fierce, Ryan P.S. If you're a husband and you want to grow tangibly in how you love your wife, check out 31DayPursuit.com (link in BIO). It just might revolutionize how you view the woman God gave you. #fiercehusbands #fiercemarriage #31daypursuit #fiercemarriagebook #40prayers https://www.instagram.com/fiercemarriage/p/Bw72-WAAnWC/?igshid=ka7l84967qan

Transparency isn't about entertaining suspicion, it's about building trust. It's not about limiting privacy, it's about cultivating unity. We receive a good bit of pushback from readers whenever we urge couples to live with complete transparency in their marriages. The objections usually center around protecting "personal privacy", or couples say "my spouse should trust me without having to see my phone, etc". We genuinely and *strongly* disagree. Mainly because both objections assume that you're immune to temptation, sin, and making mistakes. Here's a personal example. In our own marriage, we have something we call the "phone drop test". The concept is simple. At any moment, Selena could ask me to drop my phone on the table, unlocked, and give her unbridled access to everything on it. Chat messages, social media accounts, emails, text messages, browser history. Everything. I'm comfortable with this now, but there was a time early in our marriage when I wouldn't have been. It would have made me very nervous. Is my privacy violated in the above example? I think that's the wrong question to ask. The better question is, "do I have anything to hide, and if so, why?" Of course, I'd hate for Selena to stumble across *secret* birthday plans I have for her, but honestly, everything else is fair game because SHE'S MY WIFE. The thing is, she almost never asks me to see my phone (I can't remember the last time), but she can anytime and I'd be fine with it. Why? Because we've spent years building trust through truth and transparency. And, if she does find something questionable, what better person to call me out in my sin than my wife—who I know loves me and wants my very best? Time to get real. Sorry in advance. Men and women who object to full transparency almost always (99.999% of the time) have something they're hiding from their spouse. It's just true. Friends, pursue truth, trust, and transparency in your marriage! It's what it takes to live as the ONE flesh you are (Mark 10:8). It's not easy at first, but the fruit of your labor is well worth it and your marriage will be stronger for it. Stay fierce, Ryan #fiercemarriage #40prayers #31daypursuit #twoasoned https://www.instagram.com/p/BsyWr0PAzkG/?igshid=76kbj9p2j4lg

Culture can sometimes lead us to believe that a wife honoring her husband is a sign of weakness. Quite the contrary: honor is a sign of strength. But here's the catch: the strength a wife shows in honoring her husband is not birthed from her own willpower, determination, or devotion. Honor is not something we can resolve to do; that's legalism, and it's exhausting and unsustainable. Even more so, honoring an imperfect spouse in this way doesn't always make sense from an earthly perspective. Honor and love in marriage are only sustainable as they flow from understanding the love and saving work of Jesus on the cross. How? Well, God literally died for his beloved (the Church; disciples of Christ) because of the way he loves her (us). This was "while we were still sinners"—in a time we don't deserve honor, love, or redemption, he accepted us and loved us. See Romans 5:8. God will never give up on his beloved. Never! Let that sink in. He will never look at you and think, "You know what...nevermind. They're not worth it." That's not the God we know and love. When we have a full revelation of this miracle—this unmerited love given to us in Christ—we can extend radical love to our spouse that the world will find ridiculous. Fierce wife, honor your husband. Fierce husband, love your bride like Christ loves the church. Keep going, Selena 🚨🚨Challenge for wives: TAG a few of your closest friends who need to hear this! Then, text them to talk about what "honoring your husband" does and doesn't look like in your marriages. Also, if you're looking for resources on how to love your husband in new, intentional ways, start here: 31DayPursuit.com (link in bio). We hope it blesses you! #fiercemarriagebook #31daypursuit #fiercemarriage #fiercewives #40prayers #seethroughmarriage https://www.instagram.com/p/B7jTyfdBAIO/?igshid=nkpcbdz44lij

There is no more beautiful love than that which is tempered by grace through trial and time. It is a good gift of God to spend your life alongside the one you love... but like most gifts, it takes careful stewardship. Marriage was made to last an ENTIRE lifetime. The bond between husband and wife for life was meant to strengthen and deepen with time, not the opposite. So, the question remains. How should we spend today with decades in view? 1: Perspective. Remember that God isn't done with either of you yet, and neither should you be! He's still working on both of you: purifying you, building your faith, chiseling you, and molding you. Every breath you take is a reminder that God's grace is working in your life, and he has designed every moment for his glory. 2: Patience. In light of the grace you received, remember to extend that same grace to one another with patience. Don't buy the lie that meaningful change happens in hours, days, or even weeks. Solid, healthy growth is only visible in months and years. The strongest, most magnificent trees don't grow overnight. 3. Appreciation. You have a choice to make each day: will you focus on the parts of your spouse that are imperfect, or will you focus on their best qualities? Every man and woman is created in God's image, with qualities designed to give Him glory... this includes your spouse! Decide today to focus on the best parts of your husband/wife. This list is not exhaustive, but it should get you thinking. May the only thing that grows old in your marriage be the two of you. May every other aspect of your relationship grow newer each day. CHALLENGE: Tag the one you’re growing old with, and share one thing you love about him/her. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena PS: Never stop pursuing your spouse! Determine today to spend the rest of your lives chasing after each other! We've created a fun set of devotionals called The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. It walks husbands and wives down a month-long path of pursuing each other in fun, meaningful, and sometimes challenging ways. Go to 🚨 https://31DayPursuit.com 🚨 to learn more! #fiercemarriage #40prayers #31daypursuit #fiercemarriagebook #twoasone https://www.instagram.com/p/BuCAgwqg0km/?igshid=xwmxm7ri93q8

It's inevitable that you will have disagreements when you spend your life together. But it's important that you never stop talking or working toward unity. Marriage takes two, but it also requires that you're both engaged emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually in fighting for your union. You must BOTH fight. Fight to keep talking and fight to go deeper. Don't let passivity keep you from digging deep and finding agreement on the important things and working past negotiable differences. Here are a few tips to keep the dialogue going. 1.) Talk. Actively engage your minds in discussions and learn to articulate your own thoughts in a loving way. This may take more work than you realize, but you can do it. 2.) Listen. Give each other the space and time needed to communicate by listening. Don't interrupt, just be silent and listen. 3.) Seek understanding. When you listen, try to understand your spouse's perspective. Learn the skill of empathy. This may not come naturally, but it can be learned and you will be better for it. 4.) Act. All the conversations in the world won't mean anything if it never translates into tangible action. Follow through with action. 5.) Rest. Remember that you're both works in progress and you're in this for the long haul. There is grace as God works in you, so rest and be patient. We pray that your marriage is full of unity that comes from deep, intentional conversations. Fight fiercely for each other, and agree to never, ever give up. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena P.S.> Praying for each other intentionally will always help you gain hearts of empathy! Do you pray for your husband/wife intentionally? The power of prayer is real. We just released two prayer books (his/hers pair) that help husbands and wives intentionally PRAY for each other. Each book features topics that are unique for both sides, like a wife praying for her husband to have a mind of integrity/purity, and for a husband praying for his wife to have thriving friendships and a healthy thought life. 🚨Visit http://40Prayers.com🚨 to pick up a couple's bundle. They're $10 OFF for a limited time! #40prayers #31daypursuit #fiercemarriagebook https://www.instagram.com/p/Btv_ZpzAPZy/?igshid=2j6umz1xs85r