#twoasone

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It's easy to confuse love with feelings or attraction. They're not the same, and their differences are profound. Attraction and feelings on their own can fade over time. Love won't. Attraction and feelings are desires that make us want to show love, but they're not what love is made of. Love is timeless, feelings come and go. Love is a decision, a verb, and a deliberate refusal of self for the sake of another. In that, it's unshakeable, whatever your state of feelings and/or attraction. Love in action enriches and amplifies feelings and attraction; in fact, covenantal love begets them both! That's why covenant is so awesome and important. Your covenant exists to give love time and room to flourish even when feelings and attraction are hard to find. It's there to bind you together through every season of life—for your good and God's glory. May your marriage be built on true love, and may your love be marked by action and covenantal commitment that stands the test of time. Whatever season you're in, rest in your covenant. Trust God's way. Trust that you will make it through. Press into your community of believers, lean on them as you work through rough patches in your marriage. Faith is being sure of what you hope for, so hope for this: feelings of love and attraction are always followed by relentless love in action. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena P.S: We love sharing family/faith stuff from our personal IG accounts: @ryan_fred and @selenafred. Let's be friends there! P.P.S: So, @fierceparenting is now a thing!! Be sure to find and follow our Fierce Parenting accounts for gospel-centered parenting encouragement. #fiercemarriage #31daypursuit #twoasone #love #fiercemarriagebook https://www.instagram.com/p/B99qITRBoDU/?igshid=136ghg4yfvjbp

Our culture is obsessed with *now*. How many times have we short-circuited a good thing because we didn't want to wait? Have you ever settled for easy and fast, knowing full well that the best is often more difficult and much slower? I know I have. Love is one thing that cannot be rushed. Not true, active love, anyway. Feelings of love come and go with great speed—and they're a good grace of God to be enjoyed whenever they're present! The formation and maturation of active love, however, always takes time. What do we mean...? Marriage is a covenant for so many incredible reasons. One of the best reasons God designed marriage as a covenant is because of the time necessary for us to experience love and learn to give it. Learning to love takes time. Lots and lots of time. Consider this verse: "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." (Romans 12:9–10) People who understand love understand that it takes time to separate the evil from the good—to draw out the gold while removing the dross. It takes time, and as Paul writes, devotion. We experience love to the degree that we are vulnerable with our "mess" and still receive love. The greater the mess, the greater the opportunity to love. Christ on the cross is the truest example of gritty, selfless love being demonstrated by sacrificial action. We learn to *give* love to the degree that we learn of our spouse's imperfection and still choose to love them despite it. And it's our sense of feeling loved in Christ that will enable and train us to love each other exactly the way we calls us to. So, let's not rush love. It's built to last forever! Rest in your covenant, look to Jesus, and let the Holy Spirit teach you how to love more perfectly every day. Stay fierce, Ryan P.S: We love sharing family/faith stuff from our personal IG accounts: @ryan_fred and @selenafred. Let's be friends there! P.P.S: So, @fierceparenting is now a thing!! Be sure to find and follow our Fierce Parenting accounts for gospel-centered parenting encouragement. #fiercemarriage #31daypursuit #twoasone #love #fiercemarriagebook https://www.instagram.com/p/B-dKQCMBfyY/?igshid=15fv1d138q3wm

There's unparalleled power in the words you say to each other. Nobody has access to his/her heart the way you do. What's even more important is that words spoken cannot be retrieved. They can't be taken back! How many times do we speak to each other without thinking about the full effect of what we say? How many times do we say hurtful things out of frustration, impatience, anger, or tiredness? We must choose encouragement, grace, and faith instead of criticism, judgment, and fear. The former choices emphasize God's exclusive power to change hearts. The latter choices assume that we are the ones who can—and *must*—change our spouse's heart. That assumption can be very, very destructive in your marriage. Let God be God. He is a far better God than you could ever be. Then, you are freed to choose words that are wise and faith-filled. Proverbs 25:11 says, "a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver." Timing, content, and context matter! Wield your words wisely. Speak life-giving, timely, and gospel-driven words to each other. Finally, don't be stingy with encouragement. Speak loving words generously! Give encouragement without reservation. As you do, the health and joy of your marriage will multiply. Challenge: **TAG** your spouse below with a few kind words. You might make their day! Stay fierce, Ryan and Selena PS: we've started sharing more family/ faith stuff from our personal IG accounts: @ryan_fred and @selenafred. Let’s be friends! #fiercemarriagebook #fiercemarriage #31daypursuit #40prayers #twoasone https://www.instagram.com/p/B8rVQHzhsz0/?igshid=13uiy054ar9p1

Your marriage must have a big purpose to thrive—it must have a reason beyond the marriage itself. Without purpose, our default posture is to require perfection (our version of it) before we feel like it's everything it should be. With that standard, every argument, hurt, and hurdle makes us question the covenant we made. But there's nothing in God's Word that tells us that marriage should or will be perfect. And in fact, our experience confirms the same! Instead, we're better off remembering that the keys to a healthy, thriving marriage are perspective and perseverance. Having perspective means not easily forgetting that your marriage has a purpose beyond itself—your holiness, your sanctification, God's glory. Marriage includes happiness and enjoyment, but that's not its purpose. Then, learn the practice of perseverance during the tough times while God's purposes are fulfilled. Stick through the tough times. Deeper joy and greater health are often on the other side of every trial. Will you experience happiness and joy? YES!! Marriage is an amazing adventure! However, no marriage struggles through joy. It's not during joy-filled times that you question your covenant. It's during the struggles. That's when we need to remember to have perspective and perseverance so that when we do make it through, we can again experience all the wonders of being made holier, experiencing deep friendship, and making incredible memories as a couple. God isn't finished with either you or your spouse, so don't give up on each other! Help each other become more like Christ in love and action and always remember that healthy marriage is more about perspective and perseverance, and less about perfection. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena P.S. If you're looking for a resource to experience deeper intimacy and perseverance, consider starting the 40-Day Prayer Journey. It changed our lives! Link in profile! #fiercemarriage #twoasone #40prayers #fiercemarriagebook https://www.instagram.com/p/B7bsumhByzO/?igshid=757e1j3ikenr

There is no more beautiful love than that which is tempered by grace through trial and time. It is a good gift of God to spend your life alongside the one you love... but like most gifts, it takes careful stewardship. Marriage was made to last an ENTIRE lifetime. The bond between husband and wife for life was meant to strengthen and deepen with time, not the opposite. So, the question remains. How should we spend today with decades in view? 1: Perspective. Remember that God isn't done with either of you yet, and neither should you be! He's still working on both of you: purifying you, building your faith, chiseling you, and molding you. Every breath you take is a reminder that God's grace is working in your life, and he has designed every moment for his glory. 2: Patience. In light of the grace you received, remember to extend that same grace to one another with patience. Don't buy the lie that meaningful change happens in hours, days, or even weeks. Solid, healthy growth is only visible in months and years. The strongest, most magnificent trees don't grow overnight. 3. Appreciation. You have a choice to make each day: will you focus on the parts of your spouse that are imperfect, or will you focus on their best qualities? Every man and woman is created in God's image, with qualities designed to give Him glory... this includes your spouse! Decide today to focus on the best parts of your husband/wife. This list is not exhaustive, but it should get you thinking. May the only thing that grows old in your marriage be the two of you. May every other aspect of your relationship grow newer each day. CHALLENGE: Tag the one you’re growing old with, and share one thing you love about him/her. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena PS: Never stop pursuing your spouse! Determine today to spend the rest of your lives chasing after each other! We've created a fun set of devotionals called The 31-Day Pursuit Challenge. It walks husbands and wives down a month-long path of pursuing each other in fun, meaningful, and sometimes challenging ways. Go to 🚨 https://31DayPursuit.com 🚨 to learn more! #fiercemarriage #40prayers #31daypursuit #fiercemarriagebook #twoasone https://www.instagram.com/p/BuCAgwqg0km/?igshid=xwmxm7ri93q8

Marriage must have a purpose to thrive—it must have a reason beyond the marriage itself. Without purpose, our default posture is to require perfection (or our version of it) before we feel like it's everything it should be. With that standard, every argument, hurt, and hurdle makes us question the covenant we made. But there's nothing in God's Word that tells us that our marriage should or will be perfect. And in fact, our experience confirms the same! Instead, we're better off remembering that the keys to a healthy, thriving marriage are perspective and perseverance. Having perspective means not easily forgetting that your marriage has a purpose beyond itself—your holiness, your sanctification, God's glory. Marriage includes happiness and enjoyment, but that's not its purpose. Then, learn the practice of perseverance during the tough times while God's purposes are fulfilled. Stick through the tough times. Deeper joy and greater health are often on the other side of every trial. Will you experience happiness and joy? YES!! Marriage is an amazing adventure! However, no marriage struggles through joy. It's not during joy-filled times that you question your covenant. It's during the struggles. That's when we need to remember to have perspective and perseverance so that when we do make it through, we can again experience all the wonders of being made holier, experiencing deep friendship, and making incredible memories as a couple. God isn't finished with either you or your spouse, so don't give up on each other! Help each other become more like Christ in love and action and always remember that healthy marriage is more about perspective and perseverance, and less about perfection. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena P.S. If you're looking for a resource to experience deeper intimacy and perseverance, consider starting the 40-Day Prayer Journey. >>> https://40prayers.com <<< Use “HOPE5” at checkout for an additional $5 OFF, valid for just a few more hours! #fiercemarriage #twoasone #40prayers #fiercemarriagebook https://www.instagram.com/p/BtRKBzbgTFK/?igshid=1kc0j17vdw3t3

Love and truth must go together. One cannot truly love without being lovingly truthful. But often, we act lovingly without fighting for truth or we fight for truth without being loving... both have damaging effects. Love without truth is weak. It's shallow and ungrounded. Those who are most concerned with 'getting along' at all costs will sacrifice truth in the name of love. This looks like compromising on what you know to be true and usually results in enabling hurtful and/or sinful behavior. Here's the thing: love without truth isn't actually love, but rather, it's a mixture of insecurity, selfishness, and fear. (Ouch.) We're not just called to be peacekeepers, we're called to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9). Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to tell them the hard truth. The key is doing so in a LOVING way. Which, coincidentally, is the second part of the conversation. When we're truthful, we MUST also be loving! This is especially true when having hard conversations or confrontations. Some will too-often sacrifice love on the altar of truth for all the wrong reasons. "Saying it how it is" is usually the excuse used to justify what is actually unloving, impatient, disingenuous, and unempathetic communication. Jesus always told the truth—even when it was hard—but he did so in ways infused with love and compassion. Let your love be strengthened by truth, and let your truth be tempered with love. Weild both truth and love together, and in doing so, get about the true work of actually loving each other well. Stay fierce, Ryan & Selena #fiercemarriage #love #twoasone#31daypursuit https://www.instagram.com/p/ByngHHGB7tJ/?igshid=13azybjp345ue