#20somethingproblems

Friendship is beautiful. Over time, I personally focus more on the quality compared to the quantity. Life is complicated already, so I have no interests in adding more unnecessary negativity into my world. However, dealing with many types of personalities, knowing different characters, and learning from the failure of your past friendship are probably the most significant method to make you a better person. 

The 3 types of toxic friend that you will have to cut out from your life: 

1. The two-faced one

It’s the easiest type to recognize. When they spend time talking to you, they are talking about someone else. From them you usually get the newest gossips and the newest updates about everyone’s life. But once you are not around, they start talking about you to other people. The worst version of this, is, when they pretend to listen to you when you have doubts about some important thing, and you believe them so much, that you even ask them for advice. 3 months later, BAM! Everyone seems to know about your problem already, and with, the improvised version, making you feel so stupid to invest a good deal of time talking to them about that. 

2. The super negative one

This is the type of people who are unhappy with themselves and what they can see, hear, and focus on, is just negativity. When you talk about your latest obsession to go on trip, they pointed out how scary it might be. When you talk about how you think you might find the man of your dream, they said it’s way too fast and you’d better re-consider it again. They keep complaining about everything, from the queue line which is too long, the deadline for final project which is too early, or the today’s weather, which is, way too hot. Spending too much time with these people will either, make you an unhappy person too, or, throw you into a frustration,” Why can’t they just say something nice once in a while?”

3. The bad influence

Generally, they are just not a good people to hang out with. Do you start to take a bad habit after spending some time with them? It can be anything, actually, depends on how you live your life and the definition of bad for you. For me, it’s when I start to take a habit that is actually not my thing, make me terribly uncomfortable, or when I start treat people in a way they shouldn’t be treated. Examples can be: when you start lying to your parents, when you spend too much money in a luxurious lifestyle that actually you cannot afford, when you start doing immoral things, when you start skipping classes for nothing, or when you start being rude to other people. 

I ever had a talk with my best friends about relationship. We skipped all the nice parts and moved on into the ultimate question, “Why it’s so hard to be in a relationship?” Then, I quickly re-touched the question into, “Why it’s so hard to be in a happy relationship?” Yes, I think being in a relationship is fairly easy. You can just get to know someone who seems attractive, spend some time together, and if you both want it, you can be in a relationship in that instant. However, mature, independent, and grown-up person usually wants to be with someone that they think is right for them. They don’t just go to some places and hint everyone that looks nice. So, the actual thing about what difficult is, how to be in a happy, long-lasting, relationship. 

Some research said that before finding the man of her dreams, a woman will experience:

Kisses with 15 men.

Two long-term relationships.

Heartbreak, twice.

Seven dates, plus two blind dates and two dates with someone from the Internet.

Four disaster dates.

Being stood up once.

One live-in relationship.

Four one-night stands.

Seven sexual partners.

So it’s clearly not simple. Here are the main reasons you have a bad ending for a relationship:

First, you are not each other best friends. You don’t have to know each other for 3 years before getting into a relationship. You don’t have to go through the same high schools or same colleges. You don’t have to hang out together for movies all the time. I don’t mean friends in that context. However, if you can be best friend with your partner, I guess everything will be easier. You can be yourself around them. You can have a nice team-work. You can do the dishes, and they can make dinner. It’s like a team. Best friend is where your nicest support comes from. When things in life get ugly, you can talk about everything to them without having to worry that they see you in a different way. You listen to each other and be emotionally there, just like best friends!

Second, you live very different life, or have a very different view about future. No matter how great the chemistry between the two of you is, or how madly in love you two with each other, having no common ground is a bad input for a relationship. You don’t have to think exactly the same. But, if one person is just want to be there for having fun, and the other one clearly wants someone to be in his or her future, it will not work. Or, if one person believes that one of the important thing in life is to be good to other people, and the other one doesn’t care much about that kind of stuff, it will not be good. Or, if one person finds energy from being productive, and the other one has no idea what to do in his life, it will be a catastrophe. If your parents’ marriage works, it will be easy for you to spot the things that they have in common.

Third, when the relationship is not balance. Maybe it’s a time when sit waiting for hours for the Skype call they promised, until your parents eventually tell you to give and go to sleep. Then, all you get from them later is a casual, “Sorry, I forgot” text. The pain of that kind of neglect and reject is intense, but it makes you into a stronger person. It helps you realize that some people just don’t deserve that attention and effort. And it’s not always because they are nasty people, or that they wanted to hurt you…it’s simply because they aren’t as dedicated to your relationship as you are. 

I believe, for a relationship to work, it requires the same effort from both people. And I believe, in the right relationship, this kind of thing is just happen simply and easily, without even have to think hard about who is “taking and giving” more in the relationship. You won’t spend endless time wondering if the other person exactly feels the same way like you do, because you just feel it. Don’t disrespect yourself by being with someone who doesn’t actually care about you. You deserve better. 

Anyway, in the end of the day, you’ll get the lesson learnt and like the famous quotations said,

I remember being 16, feeling bored in geography class, keep asking in my mind why I should learn that subject in the first place because I’m pretty sure I will never need it for my future, and wondering how exciting it will be to enter a university. Now, I am almost 22, almost finishing my university life, and most of the times spending my time remembering how nice it feels to be back to high school again. If only I had the chance to repeating it again from day one, big chance I would say yes. For some good parts, I would even love to repeat it twice. I notice I had some misconceptions about university life when I was younger: 

1. I will spend a lot of time hanging out with friends.

When I was in high school, I spent a lot more time with friends to just eat outside, take funny pictures, laugh at our own jokes, or watch new movie in the cinema. Probably, once in two weeks, or maybe more. When I am studying in university, the frequency of my social life really dropped. Mostly, when we go out, it’s for studying together for exams or doing some group project. In the early semesters, I guess my willingness to getting to know new people was still high, so I spent quite a lot of time to socialize. But when it turned into year 3 and 4, when I have some free time, all I want to do is staying at home, catching up on a me-time, or again, doing some school works, because believe me, they are always there..

2. It will be so nice to have flexible learning system. 

Yes, it is flexible. You don’t have to sit in the class from 7 to 2 listening to teachers with some occasional break. Usually in one day, I just have 2 or 3 classes maximum, with long breaks, well, sometimes, too long break. 1 class is usually just around 2 and half hours. I focused too much on the word flexible, than the other fact that you have to learn and expected to understand so much things in just 2 and half hours. Materials that used to be comprehend in 2 weeks in high school, must be compressed into just that 2.5 hours. So that sometimes you have to learn by yourself at home if you cannot concentrate much in class. 

3. I don’t have to bring so many books to class!

This is true yeay-ness, for me. My high school was quite strict with super long list of rules, including always bringing textbooks to your class. There were many of them, all so heavy, and not so useful sometimes. In university, it’s all up to you. Some teachers required us to bring original textbooks, but most of them don’t really care, as long as you can find your own method to learn. You can learn from library, borrow senior’s, buy the secondhand book, or have no book, at all. May the odds grades be in your favor. 

4. It will not be stressful if you only study what you like.

Yes, yes, that’s quite true. I take Business Management as my major, so I’d like to say bye to physics, chemistry, geography, or something like art and drawing. I just have to focus on Economics, Accounting, Finance, Entrepreneurship, and the other stuffs. But that’s why you must be careful choosing what you’re really like. It’s advisable to check the curriculum or the syllabus of the degree that you’d love to take before you make a decision. Sometimes, what we think is different than what it actually is. Before, I did not know that Management’s students must learn Statistics too. I did not even know what’s really the difference between Management, Marketing, and Finance, as our major. Imagine if you don’t like Math but you somehow choose Civil Engineering which includes a lot...a lot of numbers. 

5. There will be a lot of cool kids to hang out with.

Yes, they probably are. But, things are so much different compared to high school friends. There are too many students in one batch of university year, for example 500 up to thousands people. I almost finish my study, and maybe I only know 60% of my school mates. Note that, I only know, means that I might just know her face but not her name, or vice versa. Besides that, we all come from different high schools, different cultures, different cities, and of course, different personality. We have different classes and schedules. After some school years, some of them not taking the same classes anymore, and there are seniors and freshman in my class too. If I make it into a Venn Diagram, the number of people in my university who have the same: (1) high school culture background (2) way of socializing (3) school activities or interests (4) location where they live, may not reach 10% ha-ha. The cool kids will still be cool, you just don’t have many opportunities as well as willingness to hang out with them. 

Do not be with someone who is giving gifts and surprises if the primary goal is just to win your heart. Do not be with someone who always throws you into guilt. Do not be with someone who is too arrogant to say sorry. Do not be with someone who always gives something just to gets something back in return. Do not be with someone who cheats on you. Do not be with someone who ignores your tears. Do not be with someone who is unhappy all the time. Just because someone tells you that he loves you, it doesn’t mean they can control your feelings. Do not be with someone who acts differently in front of you and in front of their friends and family. Do not be with someone who makes you feel afraid when they are angry or upset. Do not be with someone who makes you feel afraid to speak your opinion. Do not be with someone who gives you silent treatment instead of communicating things over. Do not be with someone who makes you feel that you are never good enough. Also, just because someone is making effort to be with you in the beginning, it doesn’t guarantee he will keep giving effort after months of relationship. And if he is the right one, he will always makes you feel loved. Start questioning if they are not excited to see you anymore. Start questioning if they never ask you out first anymore. Please re-evaluate everything if you feel like it’s only you alone who still fight for this relationship to work. Please re-evaluate if after months of being together, you do not know anything about his friends and families. Start questioning if after months, the list of things that you have in common is getting less and less, and the only thing you can see is how huge the difference and the gap between the two of you. Do not be with someone who is never around when you need support the most. Think again if the two of you have totally different view about how to live your life. Do not be with someone who is totally lost about his own life; he will never leads you to something better. Do not be with someone who is not interested in the details of your life. If he is the right guy, you will feel happy more often than you feel sad. If he is the right guy, you will feel more than you think. If you start questioning everything, big chance that he is not the right one.

http://malloryjn.blogspot.com/2015/03/24-things-i-learned-at-24-as-told.html … 

Hey, Everyone!

As a full-time university student (yes, I assume you are), it’s undeniable that we often have hectic schedules with so many things to get done. Assignments, presentations, report, and quizzes, all of those things sometimes become unbearable. Not to mention that we also still have the rights to enjoy our social life and quality time with people that we love. Having only 24 hours in a day, we have to understand the smarter ways to get things done (read: to be more productive). 

Planning always helps.

How would you finish your tasks if you don’t even fully understand what your tasks about? Make a list. Make a time-table. It doesn’t matter you make the manual one in your daily agenda or you type it into your phone’s reminder. The point is: prioritize your tasks.

Start with things that you’re excited about.

Above all those assignments that you should work on, try picking the one that you love most. Or, at least, the one that still make you pretty excited. Not everyone is happy writing papers, and not everyone enjoys creating presentation design. Know which one is your favorite, and do it first.

Strictly close the un-related browser tabs.

Look at your browser while you’re doing your task. How many of them? And how many of them are actually related with your job? Shut down the YouTube, Twitter, and other social media accounts. Your favorite TV shows as well as the final score of last night’s soccer match can wait. Stay focus on your first priority.

Work at your “best-time-of-the-day”.

When do you think you can think most effectively? Some people can focus better in the early morning, while the others can produce more works in the night time. During that time, make sure you use time wisely to kill all those works.

Reward yourself.

Finally, this is the best part from being productive. Go watch the newest movie, order your favorite ice-cream, buy a new pair of jeans, do anything to make yourself happy after working so hard! This will be a good habit: you will be motivated to do more, because you know in the end of the day you can get what you want.