#-karen

My full time job is changing things after Christmas and that’s incredibly frustrating. We don’t have enough staff and I’m getting beat up every day. It’s mentally and physically exhausting. Then I work aftercare and I’ve been leaving late every day because things are understaffed there as well. This past weekend we went to see friends on Friday and Sunday. I had no time to do any usual cleaning or prep for the week. Instead I baked GF and vegan things and wrapped presents for people and wrote cards and managed all the organizational pieces for the social interactions. Then last night Dan drove us after 10pm to pick up his sister from the airport. I just needed to vent tonight on my drive home. I was upset about having to make dinner. If I’m honest I really wanted to skip it and just eat nothing to punish myself for having “stupid feelings” in the first place. “Feelings are weak” is still a phrase that’s popping into my head on the regular. I know it’s not true. I also said something to my fiancé about how I know how he worries a lot about what the next meal is. It was uncalled for me to say that. He’s struggling with eating right now and his weight and it hurt him a bit. I apologized and we’re talking about all of it now. There’s a lot more to process here, but this seems like a decent start.

Here is a positive for today though.  I went to the first day or orientation for work.  It was an amazing day.  Dan and I talked about it and everyone there is supportive and positive and they are actually there to support the clients and the culture is welcoming and kind.  I cannot wait to start work on September 6th!!  I also got my official assignment, I will be 1:1 support for a Deaf teenage girl with developmental disabilities.  I am so excited! 

So I lost an hour of time when Dan was listening to a podcast. Sara completely reorganized the kitchen. And cleaned absolutely everything.

Basically we have a runner in our system.  Things are fairly chaotic I guess at the moment.  I’ve lost time this week.  On Sunday afternoon Dan went to Passover music practice and I tried to crochet and then organize my materials for ASL class.  When he got back he found Grace.  She’s 12, deaf and angry (Rory Anne has described her as a younger, deaf version of herself).  Dan sat down next to her and tried to sign.  Grace waited until he sat down next to her and then bolted.  She ran for the stairs and Dan caught her and had to redirect her.  He said she literally grabbed stairs and tried to throw herself down them.  Nothing feels safe.