#(statement of purpose)

I am applying to PhD programs. How formal must a Statement of Purpose/Personal Statement/[insert various names for application essay here] be? What are the most important topics to touch on?

The big question: How important is it for me to talk about my personal feelings on the subject I want to study?

I think myself clever, and I write too much. Then I dial it back and end up with a bulleted list in prose form.

This is a copy of the Personal Statement I submitted to get into my master’s at the University of Oxford in England. Yes, I got accepted into my dream master’s programme and preferred college at Oxford. No, I will not be attending Oxford in the fall despite receiving an offer for a variety of financial reasons. I recently took up a funded master’s offer elsewhere.

Well, I'll tell you.

We treat the strange, anomalous and extranormal with all the dignity and respect it deserves.

And not a drop more.

Sure, we could be like the Wal-Mart of extreme sciences, spinning an ever-expanding impossibly huge web of lies and coverups while trying desperately, futilely, to lock up and control it all to keep normalcy afloat.

But I ask you, what has normalcy ever done for us, really? It maintains the natural order? Newsflash, Scippy, the natural order is neither of those things and, quite frankly, it sucks to boot!

Be the strange you want to see in the world, that's our motto! *

The reverence for the mundane is a truly sad form of idolatry friends, empirically verified in the bottom 10% of idolatry experiences by multilateral studies.

That's the real 001 you're trying to keep locked down. The World. Object Class: Bemused. Containment Class: Sisyphean.

Tell me, what's more "normal":

Spending millions watching and waiting for a bunch of redcaps to turn some suburban family into organic dye, send in a squad to wipe out the nest, drug the witnesses, and pretend the whole thing never happened just to do it again the next week...

Or selling easy to use, affordable Puck-Off Brand™ live-capture traps to an alerted populace?

Remember, we were all terrified by the internet at first and now it's just annoying. Same principle applies.

Anyhow, stop trying to kidnap my pet. Walbert is not an 'anomaly', he's a very sensitive purebred New Cheddland dromiceiomimus, with papers, and is a very good boy.

Kindly,

Director Maria Kleinheart

Currently struggling with my grad school application documents and I really don't know how to solve this problem for myself.

A Personal Statement, much like a Statement of Purpose (SOP), is your opportunity to shine in the application process. It's your chance to sell yourself and showcase your unique qualities and aspirations. Personal Statements come in two main types:

The General Personal Statement: This type provides you with the freedom to express yourself without strict word limits.  

Responses to Specific Questions: Sometimes, graduate schools pose specific questions, and your Personal Statement should directly address these inquiries.

Tips for Crafting an Exceptional Personal Statement:   Before you start drafting your Personal Statement, here are some key tips to keep in mind:

Answer the Specific Questions: Ensure you address each question posed by the graduate school. Tailor your response to fit the question accurately.

Tell Your Story: Graduate committees are eager to hear your personal story. Share your experiences through concrete examples. Make your Personal Statement unique and captivating by weaving your own experiences into the narrative.

Be Specific: Your desire to pursue the program should be logical and rooted in a specific experience from your career, which you should vividly describe in your statement. Your application should emerge as the logical conclusion of your story.

Concentrate on the Opening Paragraph: The lead or opening paragraph is crucial. It's where you grab the reader's attention. This paragraph sets the tone for the rest of your statement.

Show What You Know: In the middle section of your essay, delve into your interest and experience in your field. Be specific about what you've learned and your knowledge of the field. Use professional language to convey your understanding. Mention relevant courses, research experience, job roles, short-term courses, and seminars that demonstrate your suitability for the program.

Conduct Research: Graduate committees often want to know why you've chosen their school over others. Conduct thorough research to highlight what distinguishes your chosen institution, such as research facilities, industry connections, or unique geographical and cultural advantages.

Write with Precision: Grammar and language are essential. Ensure your essay is free from grammatical errors and is well-structured. Clear and concise expression is key. Stick to the stated word limits.

Length and Format: While word limits may vary, aim for around 500-700 words or 1 to 1.5 pages. Use readable fonts like Arial or Times New Roman (size 10-12).

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Without missing a note, the hardest bitch of a professor I’ve ever known says in his usual soft voice, “Are you done learning?” No.

“Undergrad is what. Master’s is why. PhD is how.”