I had the bright idea to get some crossword puzzles to do while I listen to podcasts or audiobooks and I really like it but I need harder puzzles. The two books I got are too easy. Someone help! Where can I find not so easy ones?

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@tacosandsweettea
I had the bright idea to get some crossword puzzles to do while I listen to podcasts or audiobooks and I really like it but I need harder puzzles. The two books I got are too easy. Someone help! Where can I find not so easy ones?

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Topic that I donāt really like talking about and could be triggering to others.
I lost my virginity against my will. I donāt like to call it rape because I feel that I put myself in that situation and was naive and young and thought I cared about this person. At the time, I wasnāt even angry. I just knew I tried to stop it and couldnāt and then because I cared about him, I thought that it was ok? I donāt know I donāt even like to think about it.
Anyways, because of that experience and many other situations with men that I cared about and trustedā¦I feel like that all led me to sometimes disassociate and do things that I sort of felt pressured into. Like I always thought if someone has sex with me that means they love me, right? And then finding out that they donāt really care always hit me hard and it took me forever to learn that lesson. (Iām not really sure that Iāve even 100% learned it yet)
My point is that I have this huge fear of my daughters beingā¦traumatized? Is that the correct word? By boys/men that they trust. Like the thought of them being as naive as I was makes me sick and sad.
My daughter turning 18 and becoming more independent has snuck up on me and has forced me to reflect on why my loss of control in her safety (or imagined safety?) has been so difficult for me. Iām having such a hard time. And finding out that her dad keeps allowing her āfriendā that is a boy spend the night over there is just so upsetting to me. Even though logically, I know that sheās going away to college in a couple of months and my ability to keep her out of harmās way diminishes by the day. Iām trying my hardest to not question her and not tell her that I donāt agree because what is the point? It only creates more distance between us and I hate that too. I canāt treat her like a child forever but sheās not anywhere near āgrown upā but I have to pretend like she is?
Brain death from an elective surgery has to be one of the top most traumatizing patients Iāve seen.
What a sad day š
I guess itās really the ones that were fine one minute and gone the next.
Anyone want to send me to an isolated mountain where I have no responsibilities for like a week?
As a parent of teenagers, I hate that weāre taught that ā18 is an adultā because no the fuck theyāre not. Iām almost 40 and still donāt feel like a real adult. When I was 25 I was still freaking stupid. (Hell even 35, if Iām being honest)
I really hate that I can tell what they hear from their dad when theyāve been with him for a few days.
Or maybe Iām just a crazy ass mom. And if thatās the case then so be it but there has to be rules. I feel like Iām a very easy going mom but thereās a limit to how much freedom they can have because theyāre still children!! Iām not even asking for them to not go to the places they want to go but just check in with me!! Donāt be out at 11 and I havenāt heard from you. Yes, I have their location but I feel like they still need to at least text me.
I can feel my very unhealthy reaction wanting to come out.
Yes, I have a therapy appointment this week. I booked it last week when I started feeling like Iām failing as a mom. Iām still undecided. It doesnāt feel good, thatās for sure. š
I think Iām angry? If Iām being honest with myself, itās not really anger. Itās maybe feeling betrayed? By several people. I donāt like feeling like this. I feel ashamed sometimes because I shouldnāt feel like this. I wish I could just not overthink any of it.
I know these people love me but sometimes I just question their decisions. How come I always feel the need to keep people happy and not disappoint them? Like I genuinely try to think of how other people would feel and I donāt think I get the same consideration. Even when I have expressed how I feel and things donāt changeā¦
Anywho, work was good today. I got to hang out with the babies in NICU. I think Iām getting close to seriously thinking about getting my masterās. Maybe next year when I have two off to college? Everything is just so expensive! But will it ever be the right time? Or do I just need to hope for the best and start?
Iām going to try to stop thinking and read a book. Back to work in the morning.
I miss yāall š

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Intrusive thought: maybe I should drive off with the gas pump still connected just to see if itāll detach like itās supposed to.
I got someone to pick up my shift today because I came home from New York sick. We got home Wednesday. I worked Thursday and Friday. That was a dumb plan on my part. You always need a day in between going on vacation and going back to work. Yesterday I kept coughing and having to leave patient rooms so I decided I needed to rest. How come I have the chance to sleep in and still woke up at 5?!
Yesterday my youngest told me that Iām always doing things and never taking a break even when Iām sick. That kind of hit me in a way I didnāt expect. I donāt want them to remember me that way. I donāt want them to think thatās expected of them. I just feel I have so much on my plate and not anyone to share the load with. I need to work on that though. Show my kids that itās ok to relax.
I donāt have a New Yearās resolution but maybe it should be to be a better example of taking care of yourself. In so many ways but especially by relaxing. Weāll see how successful I am. Itās going to be tough seeing as how Iām sick and still have been coming home from work and doing stuff around the house. (But it needs to be done! š©)
And maybe by focusing on taking it easy then Iāll make more time to be here. I miss it but I just canāt focus long enough for some reason.
Miss yāall š
It's my 17 year anniversary on Tumblr š„³
Holy moly. What a ride it has been. Yāall have got me through some of my darkest times. Love yāall š„°
I just had a week off and I feel like it wasnāt enough. Thereās always too much to do and I still feel like Iām not doing enough, like I canāt keep up and I should be able to?
My brother and sister got into a huge argument on thanksgiving. I tried to stay out of it but then I tried to make it end and my brother ended up leaving. I still havenāt talked to him but thatās not unusual. I will not be apologizing and I donāt think my sister should either. Weāll see how Christmas goes. I have to work anyways.
Part of me wants to wait until my kids graduate high school to date. Part of me really misses having a person. I donāt know how I would ever meet someone unless itās at work (which I am kind of against) or somewhere with my kids. Men never approach me so itās a nonissue but kind of makes me sad? Ugh. Iāve always been really bad at noticing when someone is flirting with me. I just assume everyone is nice to me because Iām nice to everyone?
Also my daughter has opened my eyes to the fact that Iām a ādry texterā š Iām just not myself in texts. I do better on the phone or in person. I donāt know how to be myself in texts because I just keep it short? She pointed out that people probably think I hate them when I text lol oops I just feel like if people want a real conversation, theyāll call me? Am I old?

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Senior band night.
I already have a knot in my throat. I remember bursting into tears at her first parent teacher conference in preschool from how proud I was (and still am) of her.
š„¹
Why does this feel like the end? Itās really not but it feels like it. Can we just go back like 10 years so I can try again but better?
I need to vent for a min. So my oldest is a senior and therefore has a lot of shit going on. Lots of pictures to take, decisions to make, forms to fill out. Itās a lot. Understandably, a stressful time in life.
My parents are both from Mexico, so when I was in her shoes, they couldnāt really help me because they didnāt really know the way things are here. It didnāt cross my mind at the time that my parents werenāt helpful. I was never even resentful about it. I do think back now, like oh it wouldāve been nice to have them to be supportive and encouraging and remind me about stuff. So those are the qualities I try to have as a mother now. Give me kids all the things I didnāt have, right?
Well I reminded my daughter about her senior band night form she needs to fill out soon. There wasnāt a deadline but the event is Friday so Iām assuming they need it asap. I even offered to do it for her. But she tells me to just let her live. She asked if I just want to stress her out? I said no, Iām just trying to help alleviate your stress. She says no and that the only reason it is stressful is because of me ššš so I guess I need to back off but I worry that if I back off too much then itāll also be my fault that I didnāt help or remind her.
I feel like Iām damned if I do and damned if I donāt. I recognize that Iām might be being dramatic but I just want to do the right thing and it makes me sad that Iām trying my hardest and itās the wrong thing. I just want whatās best for her and her future and I feel like Iāve already failed her in so many ways and Iām still somehow fucking it up.
Also, I think she sometimes forgets that Iām also a real person with real feelings that get hurt too.
I just looked at a bunch of my kidsā pictures and videos from band over the years. Itās so cool watching them and their friends grow up. How lucky am I to be able to be a part of it?
I feel so happy and so sad. Iām not sure which emotion is winning today but I think theyāre happy tears.
Get it together, Claudia!!
š„¹š
I called in yesterday and today so I could hang out with my kids during their fall break. Theyāre restructuring our PTO and itās going to make it more difficult for us to use our sick time so I needed to call in one more time this year anyway. I think Iāve only called in once this year. Maybe twice but I donāt think so.
I ordered the new iPhone weeks ago. Why does everyone else have a new phone except me?
My dad and the ex went to our property this weekend again. I think at this point I have to just get over the fact that my brother and dad donāt care how I feel about it even though Iāve made it clear. Itās mind boggling to me. Also apparently my brother and his kids stayed at his gfās house?? I just canāt understand them.
Iām ready for cooler weather. Itās still summer here and Iām over it. I really wish I could move somewhere that has actual seasons. Maybe someday.
Thereās only a few more weeks of marching season. Competitions are done. Just a few more football games and we can breathe. With it being my oldestās last season, I donāt want it to endā¦but also mama is tired! They literally have something going on everyday and when they donāt, Iām working.
My oldest is applying for universities already. Iām so proud of her but itās so strange watching this happen. Sheās so much better than me at her age and Iām so grateful. I canāt wait to see what she does in life.
I have to work Christmas this year but that means Iām off Thanksgiving and new years. Iām ready for Christmas music š
I hope you have a good day š
š«¶š«¶š«¶š«¶..... love all my weirdo friends š
šš
Truth. I have met so many friends on tumblr. Some of them are just like me in terms of beliefs, politics, lifestyles. Some are almost complete polar opposites. But the one commonality is we are all weird little bastards and respect and appreciate that about each other.

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if people were to take communion based on you, what would your body and blood be? mine would be bourbon and a spicy sweet chili dorito
Diet Cherry Pepsi and sugar cookie
Coke Zero and cheese
Coffee and Fig Newtons
Coors Light and Chicken in a Biskit
Oh this one is easy. Sweet tea and tacos š