We went to a barbecue at our good friends' house last night. When we got there I realized that it was mainly a gathering of the guys who were in town for the fraternity alumni golf tournament that's happening today. So, about a dozen guys, me, the hostess, and her 21 YO daughter. I did think to myself that I wished I had stayed home, but it was fine. Some of the guys are my friends and it was good to catch up.
One of the guys is from a town near husband's hometown. After undergrad and dental school he moved back there and no one has seen much of him over the last thirty years. As has been the case with several old friends, now that kids are grown he has reconnected and seems to value it. I liked chatting with him and it was interesting to hear a little about his family, but I'm feeling cautious.
What ends up happening on our end is quiet discussion afterward as to whether it feels like the old friend fits in to our group that has stayed close for the duration. Not in an exclusionary, "you can't sit here" way. More in keeping with the practice we've all adopted which is to not force or perpetuate relationships that don't feel good. While it's nice to welcome new old friends, there's not enough time left to put up with shitheads.
That also means that if someone brings in some conservative energy they get called out. The dentist hasn't said anything yet but given where he lives and his middle-aged whiteness, it's probably coming; likely in the form of a "jokey" comment not a slur or aggressive political stance. I'm sure he'll be around more this summer and I really hope he doesn't disappoint us. Then again, one of our close friends relishes the opportunity to GO OFF on peers, especially ones who make transphobic or homophobic remarks so that could be entertaining.
Anyway, it was good to spend time with the hostess so I'm glad I went. But after lunch with a friend, I had more than enough socializing yesterday. This morning should be quiet while Husband golfs.
