i did a google search for "most recent invention" which my girlfriend said was something strong bad would do

got pulled over by an anti-intellectual pig (police officer) on my way home from work for thinking and driving. luckily i was able to reason his gun out of his holster and debunk him twice in the skull at point-blank range before driving away safe and sound

Fan fic writers act like they’re a marginalized class and not tumblr search result terrorists

They had Darude Sandstorm in the Neolithic era

hunter gatherers could fashion rudimentary synthesizers out of twigs and pebbles but the government covers this up

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

I just purchssed the rights to the deltarune musical for 850,000$

Thank you sensitive pervert. This will save Tenna’s odds of winning the sexyman poll

Dont know who/what that is, this was purely a business decision to extract money from children

using windows movie destroyer to make youtube soap

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street