\\System Failure//

It’s just so nice and different to be in a good place, this isn’t something I know. I haven’t been stable since I was 12 years old and my therapist actually said the words you are stable. I never thought I would be here especially after all the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I have been put through in the past 7 years alone.

I made a promise to never let anyone hurt me like that again, nobody deserves to go through what they put me through….was I perfect?? Absolutely not, did I fuck up a lot, absolutely….did I do some shitty and abusive things, yes I did but the difference between me and them is I admitted it, I take accountability and responsibility for my fuck ups, the last 4 people I dated, did not and have not done any of that and I feel bad for them. I feel bad they have to walk around with that weight on their shoulders every day, but at the same time I don’t feel bad because it’s not that hard to say yeah I fucked up im sorry….I guess some people just truly are assholes

Hey guys. DID/OSDD is so so confusing and lots of misinformation is spread around. Just want to remind y’all of some things that my therapist had to remind me of today:

-Alters are people, yes. But they are there for a reason, there is a reason the host is the host and it is extremely possible that when the host’s stress levels/anxiety levels/depression are lower how often you switch and how often you even hear them can go down. A LOT. Some may even fully go into dormancy when not needed.

-It is NORMAL to rarely hear them/feel like they aren’t even there for days-weeks at a time. As an OSDD system, when my alters are more active and we switch more, I can sort of feel when they’re ‘there’, and even communicate so long as it isn’t too ‘staticky’ or unintelligible. When they aren’t there, the lack of their presence can even be sort of jarring in an odd way- like I’ve suddenly been cured. Even though this isn’t the case. You aren’t faking, I promise. This is normal.

-Every system is different. Some experience switching differently, co-fronting and co-consciousness can be wildly different experiences from system to system. Some systems switch once a month, some switch 3 times a day. Some systems have hundreds of alters. Some have 2. Some systems have introjects, some don’t. Some systems have littles, some don’t. In some systems, every alter is wildly different(at least within the headspace), in other systems alters may fully identify with the body and not really look or feel or even sound all that different from one another. All of these things are valid.

When someone calls you by the host’s name but you’re undercover