my secret: making friends is so much easier once you learn not to feel guilty or nervous for existing. the more self assured you get, the more talkative you become! the more talkative you become, the more approachable you are! and as a bonus, when you feel confident casually chatting with others (randomly leaving friendly comments, or inviting someone to come sit with you) it makes it easy for people to like you!
flip the script in your brain! the people around you aren’t critics you need to impress. lots of people spend a lot of time wondering if anyone sees them. if you’re the one who has the confidence to say “hey! i notice you! and you! you’re cool!” you’ll find others naturally gravitating towards you, and friendships blossom from there :)
and another thing: being kind to yourself isn’t just good for your mental health, it also makes other people feel safer with you. think about it: if you make a small social misstep and go “oh man I’m so cringy, that was so stupid of me, i need to shut up…” others can hear that and think, “oh, so if I make that same mistake, this person sees that as a cringy, stupid thing to do. i’d better be careful about what I say/do around them.” which can make a friendship strained!
but! if you make a social misstep and treat yourself with kindness and grace — “oops, sorry! didn’t mean to say that” or “sorry, i didn’t mean to say something upsetting, thank you for letting me know!” or what have you — others will feel safer taking social risks with you (like asking to hang out more!) because they know that you’re okay with, and know how to handle, those little mistakes
i think it’s very easy to read this sort of thing and think “wait no! but when i self deprecate, i’m only talking to myself! everyone else is cool!!” but that’s just not how it works! putting yourself down for anything you do applies to anyone else who does the same things. if you say you’re cringy for, idk, liking to infodump about anime, anyone else who hears you and also likes to infodump about anime now knows you think they’re cringe by association! don’t shoot yourself in the foot!! flip the script and be kind to yourself instead!
