Jordan

nigga just call me and say sorry so you can break my back in half this weekend damn

It’s truly disturbing the way you’ve managed to occupy this space in my existence. I don’t think I’ve ever let anyone get so close and you’re still working around my last barrier. I don’t know if the perseverance is a result of you truly giving a fuck about me (which is rare for you) or you trying to prove a point that you can make me surrender. I can’t tell. It’s confusing. We’re too scared to say the L word to one another and backed away from everything that rushed us there in the first place & yet I caught you looking for another word to replace it. It’s okay. I “care” about you too even on the days I don’t call or text. I “care” about you when I’m out with someone else. I “care” even in my dreams when I’m resting in a hammock in your arms. I love you Tinker Tot. The real you. The one I get to see in the moonlight in my bedroom or through the sunroof. Not the other performative version of you. I wish you could see what I see. We’re crawling towards forever hopefully. I just hope you don’t break my heart.

stop making me love you when im doing my best to leave