Haylijah Supremacist

buck ran away from home as a teenager tired of his life only to find his way onto a pirate ship. at first he didn't fully realize it; he met this connor guy in a bar, got swept up in the ideas of adventure and riches and the high seas, and decided to join him on ship. what connor didn't mention is that he was, at best, a deckhand. he was bragging to buck about being first mate, and securing buck a position on the ship, and well... that didn't happen. luckily for buck, the captain, bobby, does actually really like him. connor doesn't end up lasting more than a season on the ship—the athena, named after bobby's wife—but bobby takes buck under his wing and he swiftly rises in the ranks and when bobby eventually retires, he takes over as captain.

every sailor on the sea has heard of the crimson curse, captained by an evil man whose crew is known to show no mercy and take no prisoners. those who see their red sails on the horizon know to run the other way, and few who get close to the ship live to tell the tale. hen and chim, two of the athena's crew, had been part of a skirmish with them a few decades prior, before they were as dangerous as they are now, and even they don't like to speak about it.

one day, the athena is caught by a sudden storm. buck is out on deck, helping get everything stowed away, when he's pulled off the rigging by a rogue wave and thrown overboard. before he knows it, he's lost to the sea and the fog, clinging to a broken piece of crate. he doesn't know how long he floats, but eventually the storm clouds part, and after hours under the hot sun, he passes out. the last thing he sees before he loses consciousness is the bow of a ship topped with crimson sails.

he's surprised when he opens his eyes and he's not dead, for starters. even more surprised to find that not only is he not dead, he's not in irons in the brig, either; he's lying on a bed in surprisingly nicely decorated quarters. he doesn't have his guns, or his sword, of course, those were in his own cabin back on the ship, but the knife he keeps in his belt for odd jobs hasn't been taken. so to recap: he's alive, his hands are free, and he's been left alone with a weapon on an enemy ship that is supposed to be so dangerous that many experienced crews will run the other way. it's so at odds with anything he expected that he starts to doubt that he saw what he saw. before he can think about it too long, though, there's a knock at the door.

in steps a man. he's not wearing anything particularly special, nor does he look particularly bloodthirsty, but from the way he holds himself, buck guesses he's pretty important. he's just standing tall, arms folded loosely across his chest as he looks buck up and down. you're looking better, he says, when we pulled you up i thought for sure you wouldn't last the night. buck looks him up and down right back. i didn't think i'd last the night either, he replies, those who meet with captain gerrard so rarely do. to his surprise, the look on the man's face goes from neutral and polite to downright disgusted.

it turns out that a lot of captain gerrard's crew aged out or simply were killed, and those he brought on to replace them weren't so easy to control and took issue with his leadership style and the things they were asked to do. nearly a year prior, there was a mutiny; the captain summarily executed and dropped into the middle of the sea. the man, tommy, had been elected as captain, with his friend sal as his first mate, and they had tried hard to change things. they're still pirates, of course, but they aren't out to kill people for no reason the way gerrard was. they kept the sails, though, because the stories were a good defense and also, that many sails were expensive to replace.

tommy offers to keep buck on board while they try and figure out where the athena went. buck knows where they were planning to make port, but figures that they would likely not stay if they heard of the crimson's arrival. tommy has his crew make anchor in a secluded area and he and buck go ashore, travelling together in close quarters. they have to take shelter one night at an inn when it's raining and there's only one bed :)

#2 — tommy has routines. he loves his routines. and he would never admit it, but he does not love when his routines are interfered with. like this morning, when he pulls up to his favourite coffee shop (approximately fifteen minutes from the station, which gives his drink time to cool down just enough that he can chug it in the time it takes him to get changed) and some douchebag in a jeep has parked in his spot. of course, it's not really his spot, it's a public parking lot, but it's towards the back of the lot and far enough away that most people don't park there. grumbling to himself, he parks next to it, and barely even looks up when he nearly runs into someone on his way in the door, only catching a hurried "sorry!" as the guy runs off with two stacked trays full of drinks. he gets his coffee, treats himself to a muffin because why not, and when he gets back out to his truck, the jeep is gone. but it keeps happening. not every time he goes, but often enough that it's starting to get annoying. it takes a couple weeks before he finally runs into the jeep's driver; one morning, he pulls in right before the jeep does, and makes it to the spot first. the guy behind the wheel hops out cheerfully and waves. "oh, hey, that's funny, that's where i usually park!" he says, pointing at tommy's spot. "i know," tommy says, rolling his eyes. "it's where i usually park, too. you just get here first sometimes." but try as he might, now that he's met the guy, he can't be too annoyed. especially when evan buckley introduces himself with a warm smile and handshake and offers to buy tommy a coffee "to make up for stealing your spot".

#3 — it's not that buck misses living on the road. just, sometimes, he needs to get out of the city. he lived out of his jeep for a long time and sometimes it's nice to just get out and do that again, visit a state park or something and sleep with the stars outside his car windows. he has a spot about forty-five minutes out of the city that he likes to go to sometimes, tucked away on a cliff with a great view of the ocean, and he's never seen anybody else out there. he's got the back of the jeep open, looking out at the water and picking absently at the snacks he'd packed, when headlights come down the overgrown lane behind him. he freezes. it's not private property—he'd checked, just to be sure; it would be a bad look to be arrested for trespassing—but you never know who you're going to encounter out in the woods. the new vehicle stops behind the jeep, parks, then someone is coming around. buck tenses, but the guy who appears around the corner of the jeep just looks concerned. he asks if everything's okay and buck explains that he just likes to come out here sometimes, for the quiet. they introduce themselves and tommy tells him that his cousin lives across the street from the lane and noticed buck going in but not leaving, and asked tommy to basically do a wellness check since he's a first responder. then they start exchanging stories, buck mentions the 118, they realize they know the same people, and before they know it, they've been talking for an hour and tommy's phone starts ringing because his cousin has now seen two vehicles disappear to the cliff without returning and he's starting to get worried. tommy assures him he's fine, then tries to apologize to buck for intruding and says he'll leave him to it. buck just waggles a dessert container at him and asks him to stay.

#4 — tommy also has a jeep. they go to the same gym and tommy comes out one day to find a rubber duck sitting on his mirror. he's seen the other jeep around, but doesn't actually know who it belongs to. he puts the duck on his dashboard and the next time he's at the grocery store, he picks up a pack of little multicoloured ducks. the other jeep is there when he goes for his next workout and he returns the favour, putting a green one on the other jeep's mirror. four days later, the next time they're both in the lot at the same time, tommy comes out to find one sitting on his hood, this time with a little note that just has a smiley face drawn on it. this goes on for a while; after a month or two, tommy has ten little ducks in various colours and styles sitting in a row on his dashboard, and a little pile of notes with silly jokes written on them by the stranger clipped onto his sun visor. the other jeep has its own row of ducks. it may have gone on forever, with the gym just busy enough that he was never fully sure who it was, except the next duck the stranger leaves has a little firefighter helmet on, with "118" scribbled on the badge. tommy had just added an lafd bumper sticker to his jeep, so maybe that's why the stranger picked this particular duck, but how would they know tommy used to be at the 118?? he's still staring down at it, wondering if he should be concerned, when the tall guy with the birthmark he's noticed looking at him a few times walks up to him. "do you like him?" he says. "couldn't help getting it for you. he's so cute." tommy nods back. "yeah but—how did you know about the 118? i haven't worked there in years." buck just blinks back at him. "oh that—that's my house. i just thought it would be funny, yknow, giving you a little duck-me." tommy looks closer and, sure enough, the duck also has a little scribbled birthmark above his eye. now that he knows who evan is, they end up getting flirty, and soon enough, tommy has duck-buck on his dashboard and human-evan in his passenger seat.

Tommy is having one of the worst days of his life. After a shift from hell, he goes across the street for a coffee and pastry on autopilot. When he walks out of the bakery, a poster taped to a lightpost catches his eye. In large black letters are the words: our world is better because you’re in it.

His breath catches in his throat. At the bottom of the poster, one tear-off paper remains. He hesitates, after all maybe there is somebody out there who needs it more than him. No—who deserves it more than him. He eventually rips the paper off, folds it, and puts it in his pocket.

He wishes he had a way to say thank you to the kind stranger who put the message there for anyone to find, wonders if they know they may have saved a life (maybe more).

Tommy doesn't overthink it, he walks back into the bakery and asks to borrow a pen. The woman at the counter hands him one, reluctantly, Tommy thinks. He walks back outside to the poster and writes at the bottom of the poster, far enough away from the message he hopes not to distract from it, and writes thank you. He goes back into the bakery and hands back the pen with a sincere 'thanks' and the woman is grateful (and obviously surprised).

Days turn into weeks and some days it feels like the folded up piece of paper in his wallet is the only thing keeping Tommy afloat.

He's out for drinks with Howie and Hen and they keep giving him weird looks every time he misses an opportunity to get a sarcastic quip in or quote a movie with Howie, communicating through their weird best friend telepathy like they think he won't notice. He knows he's being uncharacteristically quiet, but the words rattling around his head keep sticking to the roof of his mouth and he can't get them out no matter how hard he tries. He excuses himself to the bathroom, washes his hands until they're red and smell like oranges. Outside the bathroom is a wall of posters and flyers, most advertising different themed nights and drink specials and local bands, ripped and faded to various degrees. Right in the middle of it all, the stark white paper stands out. in black ink, the printed words tell him: you are perfect as you are.

A laugh bubbles up in his chest and spills from his lips, taking with it a weight he's been carrying set deep in his shoulders. He tears off a paper from the bottom and puts it in his wallet next to the other one. When he gets back to the booth, he smiles at Howie and Hen and he still doesn't say the words--he tucks them away for a later time--but he takes the verbal shots they set up for him and they stop shooting worried looks at each other.

Before he leaves, he swipes a pen from the bar and writes a thank you on the poster.

He keeps finding them around town and he wonders if he's only seeing them now because they're new or if he's subconsciously looking for them. He tries to write a thank you any chance he gets. And he takes the suggestion of taking more than one and passing the kindness forward.

One night, at the station, he can't sleep and he remembers the #thecomplimentproject he saw on the posters and decides to look it up on Instagram. He scrolls through the posts until he sees a photo taken at a place he recognizes, the bakery across from the station. The first photo in the post is the poster with all the tabs torn off and thank you written in Tommy's hand. He swipes through the rest of the photos and they're all similar; they're all the posters Tommy had written on. The post's caption says: this made me tear up, ngl

He clicks on the profile of the user who posted it, Evan Buckley, and is only a little ashamed at how quick he clicks follow. He spends what precious little time he has before a call inevitably comes in scrolling through years of Evan's adventures.

In the morning, Tommy wakes up to find Evan started following him back.

Tommy wants to send him a message, but doesn't quite know what to say, he types and backspaces and retypes before ultimately giving up.

One day, after his shift, Tommy heads over to the bakery. There's a new poster taped to the lightpost outside that says: you bring joy to those around you. After tearing off a tab, Tommy takes a pen out of his jacket pocket and writes at the bottom of the poster thanks. I hope you know that you are too. He's just finished adding a lopsided heart when he hears a soft "oh!"

He turns and sees Evan, standing in the doorway of the bakery.

Evan looks between Tommy and the poster and back again before joining Tommy on the sidewalk. "That--that was you."

Tommy tucks his hands in his jacket pockets. "Yeah. It meant a lot--means a lot--what you're doing. You got me through some tough times. I thought you should know." Evan smiles and Tommy thinks of the paper folded in his wallet that says: you're like sunshine on a cloudy day.

Evan gestures towards the bakery. "Why don't you let me buy you a coffee and you can tell me all about it?"

It's Tommy's first day at Harbor. He's early, so he sits in his truck and takes a few minutes for himself. He takes out his wallet, unfolds the familiar scraps of paper, one by one, and reads them. The last one is new, one he's never seen before: my life is better because you're in it <3 Tommy's heart swells in his chest and he lets the feeling of being loved carry him into the station.

Opening scene: We see a kid (8yo) playing with Legos on his bedroom floor. His room is very much so a boy's room—there are dinosaurs and dragons and a soccer ball in the corner—but it's very sparse. This family is not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. He's building a car, and beyond his closed bedroom door, you can hear muffled shouting. It's his mom and dad. The boy stops playing with his toys and listens as a door slams downstairs (his mom leaving) and heavy footsteps come up the stairs. He's already scooting backwards when the door opens and his father stands in the doorway. He's visibly drunk, and the camera is angled at Tommy's height so that the man in the doorway looks scary and imposing. (We're really leaning into the visuals here). So his dad looks at him and says, "Tommy, were you eavesdropping?" He wasn't, of course, but it doesn't matter because his dad is already undoing his belt (to beat him, not for anything else!!). Little Tommy continues to scoot backwards as his father comes into the room, and closes the door behind him. Before the door closes and the light from the hallway is shut out, we get a shot of the man's shirt—his father is an auto mechanic and the name Kinard is stitched into his clothing.

Similar to 5x17, where Jonah is introduced as a random little boy before the narrative makes the connection as to who he really is, this is the point where the audience realizes, oh, this isn't just any Tommy, this is our Tommy. And he's about to get his ass beaten.

Oh shit.

And then the 9-1-1 title card appears.

Now, all the begins episodes parallel past with present, so in my head, Tommy is off-work. Buck is moving in that day (this isn't a Buck/Tommy focused episode at all, but Buck is the vehicle for this episode to happen) and Tommy needs to finish going through his stuff to make room for him. He comes across a large box in the back of his closet that's stuffed with all his random keepsakes. He reaches into the box and pulls out a small Rubik's cube on a keychain.

The next scene flashes back to the past. We see Tommy as a teenager, getting into trouble with his idiot friends. They're all high as kites, and one of his friends overdoses on [drug]. He notices—he's the only one that notices, actually—and tells one of his other friends to call 9-1-1. They don't because they're kids, there are drugs involved, and they're stupid, so Tommy calls 9-1-1. He follows the operator's instructions and stays on the line until the paramedics get there. He accompanies his friend to the hospital and someone—a cop who is familiar with him, from having plucked him out of trouble a handful of times—waits with him. He tosses Tommy a Rubik's cube (the same one from the box) so that he can keep his mind occupied. His friend is okay, but the cop is like, "Listen, kid. One day, that's going to be you and one day, it's not going to turn out so well. You've got to straighten up or end up dead." Basically, the whole thing is kind of a wake up call. Before the scene changes, we see Tommy look up and look toward a container of pamphlets on the hospital wall. One of the pamphlets has a soldier on it. In his hand, the Rubik's cube has been completed.

In the present, Tommy continues going through his belongings. This is a dense episode, so we're not going to linger too much on what's happening in the present because it's secondary to what's going on in the past, but Buck and Tommy are texting. Buck is excited and has no idea the turmoil that is going on in his boyfriend's head. Tommy matches his enthusiasm (and it's genuine) but also takes a lot of effort at the moment. Still he smiles a little before he puts the phone down and continues digging through the box. Next, he withdraws his dog tags (and if it isn't obvious by now, the items in the box parallel with the next flashback because these are memories that are actively being triggered while the audience watches).

So, the next scene is obviously back to Tommy's time in the Army. Now, ideally, this would be a ninety-minute episode and I'd have the time to explore all the layers of Tommy's time in the service, but, alas, the boundaries of network television. In my head, most of Tommy's trauma comes from his childhood rather than his time in the Army anyway (which isn't to say it doesn't exist, just that it's not at the forefront of his issues) so we're going to have to gloss over that a bit. When we see him again, he's already in the Army, already well into his career, and the audience can see that he's shaped up and matured quite well. He's well-liked and good at what he does.

He's doing repairs on a helicopter when his CO approaches him and asks where he's going and what he's going to do after he's discharged. Tommy looks across the [hangar] and the camera pans to a a young man. He's in his 20s. Handsome in a boyish way. He's already looking at Tommy, but he looks sad and guilty and hesitant. They meet each others eyes and stare just a bit too long to be casual, and there is a lot of unspoken feeling between the two of them. Their relationship, such as it was during the DADT era, is heavily implied and it does not have a happy ending. Tommy looks back at his CO and says he's headed back home to Los Angeles. As for the rest, he doesn't know what he'll do after he leaves, but he'll figure it out as it comes to him. When he looks up at the guy, he's already gone. It's kind of a metaphor for the way the things he wants always seem to slip away.

In the present, Tommy is still going through his stuff. He unearths an old Academy shirt, so the next scene is his first day at the 118.

Tommy doesn't know it yet, but this is the first day of the rest of his life. Immediately, seeing those walls and doors fills the viewer with a sense of peace. Finally he's where he's supposed to be. He learns on his first day what type of boys club the 118 is under Gerrard. He's visibly uncomfortable (visibly to the viewer, who knows him well enough by now to read his face, but not to the old guard) the first time someone makes a homophobic joke. But he laughs and joins in, aware of but refusing to acknowledge the fact that they are making jokes at his expense. Just like that, he's accepted.

We see him assimilate quickly; the 118 goes on several calls. Not necessarily a montage, but we don't linger on the calls either except for a big fire. He saves Sal DeLuca and is rewarded with lots of accolades and praise. Tommy is one of the "in-crowd" and things are going well. But then Chimney shows up and Hen shows up shortly after. We all know how this plays in canon, so we don't linger too long on the times when Tommy is a dickhead but we do understand, from his perspective, that he has disdain for Hen and Chim—not because he's racist but because their existences threaten to dismantle this bubble of safety he's built around himself at the 118. The goal isn't to make the audience dismiss his complicity, but rather make them understand why he made the choices he made.

Because I am self-indulgent, there is one additional scene right before Tommy leaves for Harbor, where he and Hen are sitting in the locker room. She asks if he's going to miss it. He says he doesn't know, then he pauses and says "Kind of." There are lots of mixed feelings here. He suffocated himself in the closet within these walls and became someone he did not recognize, someone who went along with things rather than fight against the status quo, but he also learned how to breathe and exist a little freely once Gerrard left and Bobby took his place. He got his first taste of what it looks like to be Queer and proud within these walls, and that means something to him.

He looks at Hen and there are so many things he'd like to say to her that he doesn't know how to articulate, mostly because he cannot yet articulate them to himself. He's getting to that point but he's not there yet, so when she asks why he's looking at her like that, he just says "Thank you." "For what?" "For showing me another way." (This, of course, has a double meaning: first, referencing the idea that Hen/Chim showed him another way to be a firefighter, to be a family, to be a human being, and second, referencing the fact that Hen showed him another way to be Queer—showed him that Queerness doesn't have to be filled with self-hatred and pain. It can just... be... and people can either accept it, or they don't). Hen gets the sense that there's a lot he's not saying, a lot under the surface that she's not privy to, but she says "You're welcome."

The next scene is Tommy at Harbor, and the moment he gets there, the viewer can see a weight slip off his shoulders. He's back where he belongs—back with the mechanics, back with the big toys that make him feel at ease. It's a direct parallel to Buck's first meeting with the 118 (not for any Buck/Tommy purposes, just because I love a good narrative parallel) where Bobby pranks him. But Tommy smiles when they bust his balls, and settles into himself, and the viewer can see that he's okay. Things might not be perfect—he might not be perfect—but he's on the right track to being the person the audience will know and love in a few short seasons.

Back in the present, Tommy is pulled out of his walk down memory lane by the sound of his front door opening. Buck is standing on the other side with an overly large box in his hands. Tommy helps him carry it in, and offers to get the rest of his stuff from the Jeep, but Buck waves him off. He studies his face for a long moment, and asks if Tommy is alright. Tommy opens his mouth to answer and discovers, almost shockingly, that he is. He is alright. Maybe he wasn't a couple minutes ago. Maybe those items from the past dredged up memories that were best left forgotten. But he's here now, in this moment with his boyfriend, and he's fine. He's survived a lot. He's grown a lot. He's happy. So he smiles and he says yes, yes he's alright, and he kisses Buck, who also smiles, deeply. The doors close, implying sexytimes and Tommy closing the door on all the chapters of his life that have led him to this place, where he's now ready to embrace and walk into his future.

Tommy chuckled softly as he liberated the coffee and added a little bit of cream and sugar to it for Buck before handing it back. Buck took another sip, appreciating the slightly cooler liquid and taste now that Tommy had fixed it. He almost missed the way Tommy’s hand brushed against his cheek as he moved back to the stove, wanting to lean in to it and pouting when Tommy kept moving.

Tommy grinned at his pout, amused. “You don’t want breakfast to burn, do you?”

“No,” Buck acquiesced, boosting himself up onto the counter to watch Tommy cook. The aromas of bacon, eggs, and coffee were slowly waking him up, and he was content to watch the way Tommy’s muscles bunched up under his shirt as he moved easily around the kitchen collecting plates and cutlery and loading up their breakfast as it finished cooking.

Tommy carried the plates over to the table as Buck watched, slowly trailing after him holding his coffee. Tommy ducked back for his own coffee mug, brushing his hand against Buck’s cheek again on the way back. This time Buck did lean into it, and Tommy looked down at him and paused for a moment before sitting down.

“You almost kissed me,” Buck pointed out.

“And you sound disappointed that I didn't.”

“Of course I am,” Buck said. “I hate not getting a good morning kiss.”

Tommy gave a put upon sigh, beckoning Buck over. Buck went eagerly, and Tommy pushed his chair back and pulled Buck down into his lap, one hand on his waist and one cupping the back of his head as he pulled Buck into a kiss. Buck sighed and melted into it, arms wrapping around Tommy’s neck as he luxuriated into the lazy morning kiss.

Tommy eventually pulled back a little, still close enough that his nose was brushing against Buck’s. “Breakfast is going to get cold.”

“I’m going to start thinking you don’t like kissing me anymore,” Buck threatened. Tommy’s hand tightened slightly around his hip as he pressed a quick peck to Buck’s lips.

“Never,” Tommy promised.

Buck moved just enough to be able to turn towards the table, leaning forward to pull his plate and fork across the table, one hand still on Tommy’s neck as he started eating.

“Is this the easiest way to eat breakfast?” Tommy asked, hand still on Buck’s hip as he picked up his fork with the wrong hand.

“It’s the best way,” Buck said when his mouth was empty.

Tommy tried to hide a smile and slipped an extra crunchy piece of bacon onto Buck’s plate. Buck returned the favour, finding a less crunchy piece and putting it on Tommy’s plate.

They finished the rest of their breakfast that way, wrapped around each other, Buck sneaking sips of coffee out of Tommy’s mug because he’d been too lazy to pull his over.

“Are we just going to be a two headed monster all day?” Tommy asked when they were done eating.

“It’s our day off, we can do whatever we want.”

“You look like you’re about to fall asleep,” Tommy said, eyes roving over him.

Buck started to shake his head but was cut off by a yawn. “That’s what happens when a shift goes over by a couple of hours,” he grumbled.

“Why don’t you let me put the dishes away and then we’ll go nap?” Tommy suggested.

“Okay,” Buck agreed reluctantly, not wanting to move at all. Tommy shifted them until Buck was alone in the chair, and Tommy quickly put the dishes into the dishwasher and the pans into the sink to soak.

They made their way back to the bedroom, Buck flopping onto the bed as Tommy lowered himself more gracefully and made sure they were both tucked in under the covers.

Buck pulled himself closer, wrapping Tommy up in his arms and nuzzling into the back of his neck.

“I know you don’t want to sleep all day, but we can nap for an hour,” Tommy said softly, fingernails scratching softly through the hair on Buck’s arms.

“Just an hour,” Buck agreed, already feeling his breath evening out. Stomach full, heart full, arms full, Buck knew he would fall asleep easily. And now he’d get to wake up with Tommy properly, soft and lazy, the way they should always wake up together on their days off.

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