Just Jade

Patient: Oh, I love students! My name is Gregory. I'm 91 years old and a retired priest.

Medical Student: 91, wow. Father you don't look a day over twenty.

Male Attending: Yeah. Make sure it’s got enough to slide in easily.

RN (Passing By): What are you two about to do?

Nurse #1: Hi.

Patient: Hi.

Nurse #2: Hi.

Patient: Hi.

Tech: Hi.

83 Y/O Patient: Oh thank you so much my darling.

Paramedic #2: How come he gets all the love?

83 Y/O Patient: I thought I took care of you in the ambulance. /Winks./

Entire Room: /Breaks into laughter./

If you work with the homeless, you hear this sentiment a lot. A lot.

Everyone who hates seeing their tax dollars go to the needy seems to think that this is the ultimate “gotcha”. How can that person possibly be homeless if they have a nice cell phone? How can homelessness really be so bad if you have an Android? How can social programs be underfunded when their clients have iPhones? 

You want to know why the homeless have smartphones? There’s a couple of good reasons:

It’s leftover from a previous, more stable life. Homeless people aren’t video game characters, they don’t just spawn on street corners, fully formed. Most people do not experience long-term homelessness - the average homeless person is on the streets for less than a month. These are people who used to have jobs, apartments, cars, etc, until some sort of catastrophe put them on the street. You might lose your apartment or car, but most people own their cellphone outright, and can hang onto it when something bad happens. 

It was given to them by a concerned family member or friend. Most homeless people do actually have non-homeless family members and friends who care about them. Their family might not be able to let that person live with them at the moment, due to addiction or mental health problems, but they still need a way to get in touch with that person and check in on them. Giving them a cellphone is the easiest way to do that.

It was picked up second-hand. People upgrade to the newest device all the time, and when they do that, many of them will sell their old phones. It’s easy to find cheap, secondhand cellphones on the internet or in pawn shops, and they’re a valuable tool worth having. 

It was given out by a social services agency or charity. When you work with the homeless, getting in touch with them is one of the biggest challenges you face. You need to be able to get hold of them at a moment’s notice to let them know about appointments, openings in important programs, updates on applications, and all sorts of other crucial information. Instead of wasting hours and gas driving around looking for people the old-fashioned way, many social agencies just give out cheap phones to their clients, to make sure that they can always contact them. 

It doesn’t have a plan. Many people who see a homeless person on a cell phone assume that that person is also paying for a costly phone and data plan. That’s usually not the case. Many homeless people use pay-as-you-go phone minutes that they can top up whenever they happen to have the money. Even without any minutes, phones are valuable - free public wifi can be used to make phone calls, look up information and stay in contact with friends. 

It’s for emergencies. By federal law, even old, deactivated cell phones are able to place calls to 911. Sleeping rough is dangerous, and it never hurts to have a phone nearby, even if its only use is to call for help. 

by me, 20 year old who is so clearly great at adulting. (not really, but i’ve been living on my own for a couple years so i sorta know how this thing works.)

coconut oil is the solution to everything - dry skin, frizzy/dull hair, cooking, removing makeup…everything.

be nice to people working service jobs.

change your pillowcases every week if you have bad acne. hell, you should change your pillowcases every week even if you don’t have bad acne.

don’t put regular dish soap in the dishwasher.

carry your school ID with you when shopping and always ask stores if they give student discounts.

sleep naked. trust me on this.

put a damp paper towel over your pizza before you reheat it in a microwave so that the crust will still be soft, not chewy.

you don’t need to color sort your laundry if you put the washing machine setting on “cold”.

drink a glass of cold water after a long cry - it’ll make you feel better.

despite what others might say, you can be friends with your exes.

make sure “find my iphone” is set up and turned on.

save your loose change and deposit it into your savings account at the end of every month. over time, a little change makes a big difference.

it’s okay to call your parents and ask for help. they probably know how to get that stain out or remedy a sore throat better than you do.

air drying (as opposed to tumble drying) your sweaters helps the fleece inside stay soft and fuzzy longer.

always double knot your running shoes.

emergency sewing kit. get one.

flavored condoms are for oral sex, not penetrative sex. 

carry a small notebook and pen with you wherever you go. write when you feel inspired, even if no one will ever read it.

never underestimate the healing power of cute animal videos on youtube.

learn how to say “no”.

be the kind of person you need in your life: support yourself. accept yourself. comfort yourself. love yourself.

be open minded, question everything, challenge yourself, and learn to look at things from different angles.

you are the most important person in your life - act like it. put yourself first.

growing up isn’t about getting your shit together - it’s about learning to accept the fact that your life will never be as perfect and put together as you’d like it to be.

screw the idea of “unconditional love” - it should always be conditional. your love is valuable as fuck; don’t give it to people that don’t deserve it.

remember that you are under no obligation to remain the person you were yesterday. allow yourself to grow.

1. Thy family member shall realize the nurse is present and responsible to careth for only the patient, not thy family member. Therefore, thy family member shalt not make demands of thy nursing staff for blankets, pillows, drinks, etc. etc.

2. Thou shalt not demand the nurse call thy doctor every minute.

3. Thou shalt not ever expel any bodily fluid onto the person of thy nurse.

4. Thou shalt not act like thou knows better than the teams of doctors and nurses caring for thou self. Therefore, thou shalt not refuse treatments or go against medical advice. If thou doth so, thou shalt go the fuck home.

5. Thou shalt not complain about light & noise in the ICU. Thou art in the ICU, be grateful thou art alive and can see and hear.

6. Thou shalt not fall in the hospital. Repeateth, thou shalt not fucking fall.

7. Thou shalt realize this is a hospital not a hotel.

8. Thou shalt not ask about thy nurse’s age or martial status.

9. Thy family members shalt not stare at the monitor and worrieth over every number. Thy nurse is present and seeth the monitor. Thy nurses also have the medical training and knowledge to asses and act based on thy monitor and thy patient, unlike thy family member. Thou input is neededth not and is in fact, annoying and distracting.

10. Thou shalt not harass thy nurse for refreshments and narcotics. RN standeth not for these things.

11. Thou shalt never attempt to hit, punch or otherwise harm thy nurse. Thou will find thyself restrained if thou threatens thy medical staff.

Sorry, but this point is BS. If you are the least bit curious and serious about your autonomy and bodily integrity, you seek information and you ask as many questions as you need. And if you catch a doctor spewing outdated BS, you call them out, even if it seems arrogant. I’ve seen doctors and nurses saying or doing things that are simply wrong too many times. Sometimes it’s relatively inconsequential things (”there’s no kind of treatment for couprose”, “it’s unhygienic to not shave your pubic hair”), sometimes it’s outrageous and/or abusive behaviour (putting their weight on a pregnant woman’s body to make her birth faster, ignoring very severe indicators of heart disease, which in the case I know directly contributed to someone’s early death). And I happen to know some very troubling stats (e.g., episiotomies, hand washing).

There is a misunderstanding of what that point means. YES you are absolutely, entitled to informed consent. The only exception to this I see is in true life/death emergencies where the patient is unconscious and efforts to reach family members have not been successful. In that instance it is up to the TEAM of healthcare providers to make the best, safest, and most appropriate care decision. In every other scenario, yes gather information, speak with care providers to decide what’s right for you. Shave, wax, laser, dye, braid, don’t shave your pubic hair. I COULD NOT CARE LESS. That is not what the point was about. It is not about patients that refuse their stool softeners or a blood draw.

I’m sure most healthcare providers who read this have encountered a type of patient that comes into the hospital to refuse 90% of prescribed treatments, for no logical reason. The ones that leave you scratching your head wondering why they came in in the first place if this is their M.O.

I work in critical care in a large hospital in a large city, those emergency situations occur everyday. One of several hospitals in the area that treat thousands of patients a day. There is ALWAYS another patient needing to be admitted. That means RESOURCES. So while Patient A sits in that hospital bed refusing care and treatments taking time, energy, and thought away from other admitted individuals there is always Patient B who needs that bed and would gladly accept that care and treatment.

I find it unethical to my very core to not be able to help Patient B, not to mention the other admitted individuals that get less because someone is contrary (also this is not referring to patients who are confused/unable to control their emotions/thoughts/actions).

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LEAVE. I will get you the form and have you out of here in under 10 minutes. Then I will help the next person.