🌌Caitlyn🌌

Hi guys! It’s been awhile since I last came on here, which will be explained later in this post, but I felt like I should share this event with you all in hopes of inspiring you to do the same!

Since online learning, my motivation to do anything has been completely drained. I stopped working out, I stopped playing the piano, I dropped a lot of my usual hygiene routine, I began to sit around for hours on end, and overall stopped caring about my health and well-being.

My screen time was getting longer and longer everyday, and it’s at the point where it’s a daily average of 14 hours (yep, more than HALF A DAY). This is really embarrassing and shameful for me to post, but I feel like this is necessary to break down the barriers that prevent us from normalizing conversation about this topic.

So, I had a self intervention.

I started by doing really simple things such as waking up a bit earlier to make myself breakfast. I had gotten out of the habit of making myself breakfast in favor of getting another hour of sleep. While sleep is important, so is breakfast, and I needed to stop taking it for granted. ever since I started waking up earlier to do this, I’ve been finding online school SO much more tolerable after starting the day healthy.

The second step I took during my self intervention was getting off of my phone. I could quite literally feel my eyes burning every day from looking at a screen so often. So everyday at 2:35, right after school ends for me, I would get up and take my dog for at least a ten minute walk, only looking at my phone to check the time. It gets you up and moving, and also encourages you to appreciate your natural surroundings.

The third step I took was getting my hygiene routine under control. To be honest, I still struggle with this every once in awhile, but that’s ok! you know why? because I’m making the effort, and that’s what counts. I did this very easily, and I hope this trick works for you too. I began playing a YouTube video and challenging myself to finish my routine either before or by the time the video ends. I try to find videos around 10-15 minutes long but find one that accommodates your own routine.

I realized that entertaining myself while still focusing on getting everything done works really well for me. I can laugh at something before bed AND ensure that I’m brushing my teeth, washing my face, and combing my hair every night.

that’s totally ok! adhd presents differently in everybody, that’s what makes it so hard to diagnose.

personally, I tend to cry ALOT because of my rsd, but my best friend who also has adhd barely cries at all! adhd affects how we express our emotions, but we also react differently because of that.

from reading your ask, I can guess that you’re someone who tends to internalize your emotions. you overthink situations and hold onto them for a long time. I’m the opposite, I overthink situations but I feel the need to outwardly express how I feel. whether it’s by crying or by talking to someone, I personally don’t like to internalize my emotions.

things like losing a game repeatedly when i just REALLY want to win. when something i cooked/baked doesn’t turn out the way i wanted it. when i’m trying to learn a piano song because i get a sudden motivation but then my fingers keep tripping over each other. whenever i have a determination to do something and an inconvenience interrupts me.

i see a lot about emotional dysregulation but i’ve never really seen anything about frequent crying and because of that i always felt so embarrassed and angry at myself. a lot of self hate has come from this.

thoughts like:

why are you even crying?! no body cries about a stupid game!

can you even imagine how your friends would react if they saw you crying over COOKIES??

stop being overdramatic. you look stupid

and even:

worthless. all you are is worthless. do something useful instead of crying in the bathroom because of a botched painting.

i bet some of you are reading this and are relating, but i also bet some of you are absolutely shocked. this all seems so harsh right? and even worse, it’s me saying it to myself. why?

it’s simple. I grew up learning that certain things don’t matter. you lost a game? oh well. you burnt some cookies? oh well. you just move on from those mistakes. so when those mistakes DID matter to me, i felt so different from everyone (besides the fact that I knew I was the only neurodivergent in a family full of neurotypicals). i thought “you need to stop caring. mom doesn’t care about the cookies so why do you?”

I’m so bad at accepting myself and everything that comes from my disorder. sometimes I love myself because it makes me different and not blend in. but other times, I absolutely despise it. I think about how unfair it is that neurotypicals don’t have to deal with the onslaught of emotions and thoughts 24/7. i ask “why me?” after crying because i accidentally spilled my hot chocolate. and i need to learn how to give myself more self love.

and i know it isn’t like the craziest thing in the world to tell your partner but idk I’m having trouble breaching the subject. and I definitely feel as though they should know before we start anything serious ya know?

I’m also not sure if they know anything about adhd as far as executive dysfunction and rsd so I don’t want them to feel overwhelmed.

Social Interaction:

Social Interaction can be extremely hard for all neurodivergents. Especially eye contact. And to be perfectly honest, there is not much that I can do that helps with this. However, there ways to do this without coming across as rude, which is the thing I worry about most.

Firstly, I always prefer to talk to someone when I’m already doing something else, like drawing or homework. This means that I can talk to this person without worrying about eye contact. It also won’t seem like I’m uncomfortable or not listening, which we can inadvertently come across as.

If you’re caught in a hallway or somewhere else that’s not a work space, give yourself something to do. This can be in the form of readjusting clothes/bag straps, tying a shoe, or “looking” in your bag for something. Make sure that you still glance up every now and again, or else it can seem like you don’t care about the conversation.

As for remembering small details, such as names and hobbies, I just run the information through my mind as much as possible. Say I’m working on a group project with someone named Ben R. Write his name down, put both your names on the project, anything where his name will always be in direct view.

In regards to small talk with someone who you can’t remember their name, I always just try to make through the conversation and then ask a mutual friend later. I know this isn’t too helpful, but hey, what can you do? it happens to everyone, even NT’s.

For remembering hobbies or things they like, try to incorporate conversation about your own likes and hobbies. This will hopefully inspire them to talk about their own hobbies.

Overstimulation in Public:

For everyone who doesn’t know, I am a freshman in high school. This can cause a lot of problems and potentially uncomfortable situations.

Whenever I start to feel overstimulated, I try to remove myself from the situation as soon as possible. The last thing I want is to have an overstim breakdown in class. Ask to use the restroom, and take a walk to the furthest bathroom from you. This will ensure that you are gone from the overstimulating environment for longer, and that you have some time to clear your head

However, if the situation is more urgent, go to the nearest bathroom to you. You need privacy and some time alone, and that is ok. Go into a stall and calm down, breathe, and keep yourself occupied with observing your surroundings. Take your mind off of the overstimulating environment.

Another thing my teacher taught me was when I’m having an over stim breakdown, follow the line from where the wall meets the ceiling, from one side of the room to the other. It’s easy, not hard to do, and will make you relax faster.

So if you’re in the bathroom, trace the lines of the room for as long as you need. Wash your face with water and calm down. The most important thing is to breathe through it and constantly remind yourself that it will pass, because it always does