Along For the Ride

21 days at home and I cried. Not just once and probably will a few more times before this day over.

It’s resurrection Sunday. As a Christian, it’s a day of celebration for our Risen Saviour and believe me, for that I am happy and grateful. But being a complex human being, I can feel more than one thing at a time and today, it’s sadness.

Sadness because it has been almost a month since I last saw my work family. The people who have carried me, loved me and looked after me for the last 3 years. The people who have seen me at my best and most certainly my worst. Through 14 hour day’s and 100 cover nights, they’re my people and I miss them.

I was fortunate enough to leave Halifax before the border closed and be home with my parents which has been best case scenario. They’ve put up with my need to cook and be busy with little argument and I love them for it. But it’s strange being here. As of now, I’ve been here two weeks longer than my longest vacation at home in 4 years. It’s been an adjustment.

I booked my vacation for this week, wanting to be home for Easter weekend. I should have been at church this morning in my new blue dress, instead I slept until 1pm. We should be having an epic turkey dinner together at grams. I just polished off last nights hamburger helper. (Disclaimer, gram did cook a wonderful dinner and I’ll be having a plate later)

Good Friday should have been bored games and snacks with friends... it was trivial pursuit and jeopardy with mom and dad here. I did win, so that’s something.

As things have developed, covid has taken the last bit of joy I did have being here. Grocery shopping. I love going for groceries! Fresh produce and meats or fish. Meal planning as I wander the isles. But now, the grocery store has become and sad and terrifying place. Lines on the floors, waiting to look at the product. Careful not to touch anything. The joy has left for now. But it will return.

So today, I cried. I mourned. I wept for my vacation that should have been. For the things I am missing and the people I love. And now I move on.

When I scroll through Facebook at the end of a long day, I can’t even! Seriously! What has become of these people? Spelling and grammatical issues aside, who on earth shares this much?!? I know more about this one chick I went to high school with than I do my best friend! Where’s the sense of pride in your life? No one gives a crap that your kid fell in the driveway or your fiancé has a lot of snow to shovel. Guess what ‘Linda’, Miramichi got 30cm of snow last night:.. EVERYONE HAS A LOT OF SNOW TO SHOVEL!

And then you ask “why are you still following them” because Becky, I don’t want the train to crash, but it’s sure interesting to watch!

I live a very drama free life which in reality can get a little boring. So I do what any 30 year old with too much time on their hands does, I watch Facebook like a soap opera and I love every minute of it. I can’t take my eyes off it. And sometimes, you’ve got to dig a little deeper and you end up 12 profiles deep from this one person you met at a youth convention 10 years ago. Their great uncle on their fathers side made a snide comment on their baby’s 4 month photo and now you gotta know what he’s all about! I probably have a sickness... but I ain’t going to the Doctor.

Side note, I’m strongly considering stand up. I’m not super funny, but some funny things happen to me when I’m out and about. So there might be something there. I think I would be a good rant style comedian. I can go for hours about a subject I know very little about but have you convinced I have a PhD in it. But with the way the world is now... everyone would be fact checking and then I’d get emails and nasty calls... and I don’t really need that in my life.

Ok plan b. I stick to my blog no one reads, except you Aaron, and my once weekly karaoke night to get the praise and attention I so desperately crave. Or I could just post it all on Facebook. ;)

Yup, it’s 4am and here I am to write a little something... that will hopefully help me fall asleep. Just some random thoughts, musings if you will... of things that have plagued my restless mind this evening. Buckle up people. This is gonna be a bumpy ride.

With all the crap happening around us on a daily basis I would like to think that people have better things to concern themselves with than the lyrics of “baby it’s cold outside”... context people! The song wasn’t written yesterday! But y’all made “50 Shades of Grey” a best seller... give me a break! (Side bar; my auto correct changed it to 50 shades of Greg and I’d like to think that novel would be something I could get into). I’ve never read 50 Shades myself... something about poor grammar and sentence structure really turns me off. (Unless it’s in my own writing, so don’t be hatin’) Baby It’s Cold Outside was written during a time when being alone with a man was taboo in and of itself. Let’s not forget that while times have changed, and yes I agreed we need to move ahead with the times, somethings just can’t be taken too seriously. We have a song about Grandma being murdered by Rudolf... isn’t that just as bad? Or perhaps someone should take a swing at White Christmas? Let’s get real here people... there’s bigger problems than these classic Christmas song lyrics...

Like the Elf on the Shelf. First of all, if you’re 12 year old needs an elf to keep them from misbehaving during the Christmas season... maybe you should rethink your parenting style. While I admit I find the more pg Elf stunts quite hilarious, I find the premis creepy af! We’re quick to bash on Baby it’s Cold Outside but we’re still pretty chill about the whole “he sees you when your sleeping and knows when you’re awake” thing. Give me a break! This elf watches your house and then reports back to Santa of your kids have been good boys and girls? What if your kids are bad? Do parents now have to deal with elf melt downs? “Oh no, I’ve been bad, Santa hates me. Elfie is going to tell him I flushed my sisters Barbie and now Christmas is ruined.” This elf is really just creating a whole new set of problems. Like... are we really sending the message to kids that they only have to behave when someone’s watching?

Now I know what you’re all thinking... all 4 of you who are reading this... she sure has a lot of opinions on parenthood for someone who doesn’t have kids. That’s true, I do. And when you write your blog, you can have opinions on what childless people should be doing too. But you don’t... #sorrynotsorry

Kids fascinate me. There’s just no logic. One minute everything’s rainbows and unicorns, the next, it’s a sink hole leading to the pit of dispair. What happened? They weren’t allowed to eat the dogs food. Where’s the logic? No, you can’t eat the dog food... and why would you want too. I’d like to think that from a young age even I, the big girl, would never be desperate enough to smell the dogs food and be like “I’ve got to have it”. I also think though that, if I was a parent and my kid was crying because I said they couldn’t eat the dogs food that I would totally just let them go for it. If it stops the crying, have at it! Serves you right ya little turd burger for being so ridiculous.

I think this has probably been my most incoherent rambling to date and I’d like to apologize to what is probably now only 2 of you still reading this. But in my defence I did warn you it was going to be a bumpy ride and it’s almost 5am, you really can’t expect me to be on my A game right now. I’m really just trying to get this out of my system enough that I’ll fall asleep. And ya know, I think it’s just about worked.

Thanks for bearing with me.

OK... y'all must think I’m crazy. I’ve obviously ditched the blog for a more current form of social media... Instagram... or insta as the cool kids call it. Well, I don’t know if they’re cool or not, but they’re a lot younger than I am so that’s a start I guess.  

So why the sudden need to blog? Writers block! Plain and simple. The Valedictorian process is a different one around these parts. Oh, PS, I’ve been nominated from my class as Valedictorian. 

So, here’s the run down. There are three different “schools” within NSCC. My program falls under the school of business. Every program within each of the three schools can nominate a candidate. That candidate then writes a speech and presents to the deciders... who then choose a valedictorian for the program. For more information, see confusing in the dictionary. Does anyone use dictionaries anymore? I don't even know if some of the grads would understand the reference. That's actually the beginning to one of the many speeches I’ve started within the last week.  

Yes, I said many. Some of them are captivating and funny, others are a little dull and cliché, but all of them have one thing in common... they are not complete.  

How does one even address such a wide variety of people? The school of business is far more than just Culinary Arts... but do I know anyone who isn’t taking Culinary? No. Can I relate to them on an educational level? Probably not. Let’s be honest, I’m probably not the best person for this job. I tend to ramble. I have trouble completing thoughts and most of the time I can barely spit a sentence out without sounding like I have a mouth full of marbles. And let’s not forget the elephant in the room... I’m 30! Do these 20 somethings really have that much in common with me? No. I’m not a millennial. I care about the Kardashians (I had to look up how to spell Kardashian) and unless it came out before 2006 chances are good I don’t know who sings the song currently being played on the radio. Do people even listen to the radio still? See... I’m out of touch! There’s no class tomorrow and what am I doing? I’m sitting home, in bed, in my pink housecoat, writing this! How lame is that? I do have snacks though... good ones too... you should be jealous of my snacks.  

Anyway... back to my current predicament. How to do I write a graduation speech that will motivate, inspire and captivate an audience when I don’t even know my audience. It’s not like we ever get out of the kitchen! I get 10 emails a week about different lunch time activities we can participate in... have I ever gone to one? NO! We’re making lunch! Just once I would have liked to experienced Mindfulness Meditation in room 2101, it would probably help with the anxiousness I'm feeling about this speech. But it gets worse... not only do I not know anyone else in the school except the 30ish people who wear whites all day (we stick out like sore thumbs... the jackets are like a beacon for us to get together and be loners.), I don’t even know what programs fall under the school of business category! Who am I even addressing!? I assume the people taking business... but who else? If anyone at school is reading this... please remind me to find that out on Tuesday.  

I could say things like ‘be the best you can be’ or ‘take chances, make mistakes, get messy’ but those feel redundant... and, I stole that last one from Miss Frizzle. Although... that is pretty sound advice. Maybe I’m onto something there. I’ve tried finding life advice that was a little outside the box from some of my favourite movies... but I’m not 100% sure how I can make building up an immunity to Iocaine powder a good life skill. I mean, it worked in the Princess Bride. But is Iocaine even available over the counter? Inconceivable.  

But I digress. Graduation is an exciting time! I still remember Kelly's speech all those years ago when we left NSER. She made it personal! About us. Well... mainly me and my clumsiness. Somehow though I don't think the shower story would really fit in here. But, if I can work it in, I will for you Kell!  

I've watched several commencement addresses in the last week and took the same thing away from all of them. Be different. Stand out. Don't give the cliché speech about following your dreams or the best is yet to come. Well that's easy enough to avoid I think. I'm can be quite a cynical person. And I've always been a little different. It took me a long time to decide what I wanted out of life. And now, at the age of 30, I’m finally doing what I love. I have found my passion, my calling and my art form. I've found friends with common interests. I have instructors who let me take chances and make mistakes. And I have a family who has always pushed me to be the best I can be no matter what the circumstance.  

I want people to remember what I say, but more importantly, I want them to remember the things they learned at Kingstec. How to be kind, to show empathy and sympathy. To support others and to always remember where you came from and allow that to push you along to where you're going. To think critically about the opinions of others... and your own. And most importantly, be yourself. Be proud of what you've accomplished, but don't forget that the people around you are accomplishing things too.  

I'm probably not the best person to write this speech. But writing this blog has proved to me that I can in fact complete some thoughts. Now hopefully I'll come up with an exciting valedictorian speech by the end of the week. Or I'll find one online I can plagiarize... oh wait... there's probably something about that in the student handbook.  

I emailed landlords this morning... since I’ll need a place to live you know. I’m more nervous about this than anything. Why did my parents have to buy a house here? I’m pretty sure if they hadn’t I could have convinced them to come with me. But, I guess then I wouldn’t be really doing this on my own. And that’s kind of the point after all... to do this on my own. 

I started writing this morning and put it on hold while I went to town with dad. We had Quesada for lunch and it was so good! Can’t wait to go back and try more! Since leaving the house I have spoken with said landlord on the phone and things look good! The only thing is I would have to sign an 11 month lease... but they’re all like that from what I’ve read. And maybe I’ll love Kentville and get a great job or something and end up staying there? Or I could get a sub... or I could just bite the bullet and pay for the rent while I’m home... at least I’m guaranteed a good place next year. The place looks very clean and has everything I need... except a bed. So if you’d like to donate a bed to the cause... or even sell me one in good shape, let me know! ;) (That was a joke btw, I’m not looking for a free bed, just maybe not one that’s going to cost an arm and a leg) 

I still have so many things to see to, but everything is really starting to come together and I know this is the right thing for me to do. I’ve had 10 years to mull over my life plan and I feel like I’m on the right track to something pretty cool. And spending the week at MVBC in the kitchen didn’t hurt either in preparing me for what’s to come. Cooking for 60 teenage boys and adults is pretty much like cooking for an army anyway. ;)

I go back to work tomorrow morning at 6am. Wish me luck. I haven’t made a sub in a very long time! But I’m sure it’ll be like riding a bike! And like I always said, I have the best co-workers who I know will help me out. :D

I’ll keep everyone posted on the bed situation! 

Thanks for all the continued love and support!!

Well, I’ve been on Ideal Protein since January 20th and as of today, I’ve lost 59.8lbs! It’s a pretty incredible feeling! Especially this week... I was pretty down on myself earlier in the week and may or may not have eaten 2... or 3 chocolate bars... but Thursday I got back on track and this week alone I lost 14lbs! I think I can thank my lovely walk last night in the setting sun for that. ;) 

I celebrated today with a burger from Riverside Entertainment Center! It was awesome! They make some great food. I usually get the club, but I wanted some meat today! I wasn't disappointed. I also may or may not have bought 2 purses at Winners. I feel like I earned it. And since I’m not spending money on take out or junk food, I have the extra to splurge once in while. 

Bought some new pants today too! I was down to work pants, draw string sweats, a pair of jeans and some leggings. Not that I’m complaining, it’s not a bad thing that all my pants were so saggy in the ass that it looked like I had a diaper on! I’m grateful that this program works so well! It felt good to buy jeans that are 2 sizes smaller than what I have been wearing. 

I have my materials for VBS this summer and I have to say, it’s going to be pretty epic!! I’m very excited already! Not too much else going on though, just work and life in general. 

Hope everyone is getting out in this beautiful weather! I’ve never been so happy for the smell of mud! It’s been a long winter!! 

I’m pretty sure I’d forget my head if it wasn't attached this last week. Tuesday I was going to town and forgot my schedule and had to turn around to get it so I could get faxed on time... thankfully we had only made it to the Upper Oxbow Lodge in Sillikers. Then when I left the store, mom asked if I had my banking things and I didn't... back into the store... least we hadn't left the parking lot. As far as I know I didn't forget anything else on Tuesday. Wednesday morning at 5:20am I was getting in the car to head to Hwy 11 for the day and dad asked when I got in the card if I had everything... I didn't. Back in the house for my phone. As far as I know, this was the extent of my missing items over the last week... but it made for a long week, and now, every time I leave work, I’m certain I’m forgetting something. I feel that way tonight. But I don’t think I forgot anything. I’ll find out tomorrow if I did I guess, because after 9 hours, I’m staying in the rest of the night. 

It’s Subway Cares for Kids time! We’re selling balloons and in the Sunny Corner store, I have tickets for a Subway Platter and a Dozen Cookies and also on a beautiful spring basket filled with great goodies! So please get your tickets and help us reach our store goal! We’re over half way to the $500 goal we set in store and I know with the help of you all we can reach it. 

Hope you’re all enjoying the sunshine. I know I am!! 

Well it's Tuesday and you know what that means... You guessed it... inventory day! Well that and Weigh In day! And I am super excited to announce that I am down another 4lbs!!! That makes 30 in total! 

I had a complete holy crap moment when I heard this news. I'm so thrilled with how well Ideal Protein works! It also really impresses me that I've had the will power to stick with it this long. Good thing I'm stubborn ;) 

Not much else happening in my life right now. I celebrated with pasta today and it was delish! 

There are so many social issues that could be discussed and sexism that can be stomped on a day like this... but instead of getting preachy, I want to talk about the women in my life that I look up to... I'll save the preachy for the end. :)

First, my mom. I know I've written a whole blog about her in the past, so for full details on how I love my mom, see the previous work. But my mom is amazing. She's kind and gentle and like I've said in the past, amazingly patient. When people find out she's my mom, they tell me about how great a nurse she is. I love this so much. We may not see eye to eye on everything, but that's because she's far more patient and caring than I am. She sees the good in all people... even the ones she doesn't particularly like. This is what makes her so much like her mother... the next lady I love. 

My Grammy Silliker is like none other. Another amazing nurse and incredibly hard worker. From a young age she worked long hours with her 6 other sisters and 2 brothers at the family business. She is smart as a whip and is still, after many years of retirement, nursing her neighbours and family back to health on countless occasions. Her greatest love left us this past year... my Poppa. Having spent 50 years together, she never left his side... unless she knew he was in good hands, and never for more than a few hours at a time. She is brave and kind. She meets many needs she sees for many different people... some she knows and some she doesn't. She is a woman of strong faith. Her biblical knowledge is like none other I've met! My Gram can be shy, but always has a kind word and some good food and you always feel welcome in her home. Her and I also butt heads at times... and I think it's because, much like my mom she is far more patient than I... it's something that I'm working on. 

As mentioned, my Gram has 6 other sisters, all of whom I've cherished having in my life. All having a very unique personality and offering so much wisdom for my life. I am grateful for all of them. 

I have another Auntie... my aunt T. She's been there for me since I was a baby and still looks out for me today. Without her support I would have never started Ideal Protein or have met my first goal three weeks early. She is my coach in this and inspires me to keep going even when I really just want a bag of chips. I'm thankful for her in my life. 

My Nanny Bickford also left us this year... I miss her very much. She was a strong lady who worked hard for her family. Even though we didn't have as much time together as we would have liked, I know she loved me very much. For worry of sounding repetitive, I'll let you read about her in a previous blog as well. (also to write much more would bring me back to tears... )

International Women's day is so important. Women everywhere are still being treated as lesser people because of their body parts. We are shamed for things men can joke about. We are passed for jobs and raises, we are joked about and laughed at for being women. We are told to get back into the kitchen when we have an idea worth using and we are sold to men for next to nothing. For women around the world today, there is so much conflict and abuse. But we stand together. I have had nothing but amazing female role models in my life and I know how blessed I am for this. I hope that I can do the same for those younger than I.