the loneliest sweet potato
i am at the grocery store because i feel sad. i feel sad because nobody is in love with me. nobody is in love with me but everybody loves me. everybody loves me because i’m good at making people feel good. i’m good at making people feel good because i have had a lot of practice on myself. practice on myself because i feel sad…a lot. i feel sad a lot, but when i make people feel good, i feel good for a little bit. i feel good for a little bit, until i get lonely. i get lonely and i am uncomfortable in my lonely.
in my lonely, at the grocery store i practice trying to make myself feel good by pretending i am a regular person buying her groceries and not a very sad person trying to distract herself from crying. crying gives me a headache. headaches make me want to crawl into bed. to crawl into bed is what sad people do. what sad people do when they are lonely looks a lot like me at the grocery store.
at the grocery store, i feel sad but i look just like everybody else while picking out avocados. or lemons. items no one refers to as ‘comfort food’. ‘comfort food’ makes me want to crawl into bed. to crawl into bed reminds me of two things: i am sad and i am alone.
i am alone, in the grocery store, moving slow in the condiment aisle. in the condiment aisle, it is perfectly acceptable to stand around for too long. stand around for too long and i will begin to tap dance. tap dance lonely in the condiment aisle is a great title for a book, i think to myself, as i wait in line to reach the cashier. the cashier seems surprised when i ask her how her night is going. her night is going okay, she says. she says nothing else, except: cash, credit, or debit? she waves goodbye. goodbye is the saddest word i know. the saddest word you know is my name.
my name walks around at the grocery store and feels less sad. less sad, because at the grocery store, nobody knows there is nobody in love with me.
ellievsbear
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amandla
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