You've probably come to the wrong place...

Doctors are like: ughhhhh. You're confusing. Come back if you die

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also

Shoutout to my dad who accidentally moved into an up and coming black lgbt neighborhood and was very disappointed to learn that all of his “new friends” weren’t actually interested in how to use iNaturalist or where he saw coyotes on his walks 😔🙏🏻

Having to clean the shower is so fucking annoying. It’s clean in there. That’s where I go to get clean. It’s clean dude trust me. Stop fucking growing bacteria and stuff man this is the clean locale. You’re embarrassing me in front of the sink

You ever hear that old chestnut about how most people neglect the part of the story of Icarus where he also had to avoid flying too low, lest the spray of the sea soak his feathers and cause him to fall and drown? You ever think about how different the world would be if Icarus died that way instead? If the idiom was to Fly To Close To The Sea? A warning against playing it far too safe, about not stretching your wings and soaring properly? You ever think about how Icarus died because he was happy?

legitimately my first feminist awakening as a ten year old child was realizing that girls were expected to respect “boy stuff” but boys were never expected to respect “girl stuff”

my science fair project in fifth grade was basically i had this printout of a bunch of toys that were stereotypically boy toys and girl toys, and i would have my classmates study the sheet for some short period of time, idr if it was like 30 seconds or a minute or whatever, then put it away and had them recall to me as many toys as they could remember. my hypothesis was officially that boys would remember more boy toys and girls would remember more girl toys, but secretly in my head i knew that girls would probably remember boy toys and girl toys relatively equally but boys would still remember mostly boy toys. and that ended up being the case. and i still remember this 20 years later because it hasn’t fucking stopped. and you know what they didn’t even like my project. participation ribbon. i was a fifth grade feminist theorist and no one cared

hurrying home to my castle when i see lightning and remember that i left the frankenstein plugged in on the slab

I'm gonna be real explicit because some of y'all are dumb as rocks. If we don't pay for their overpriced bullshit, they will have to make it be more reasonably priced bullshit. Do not buy $70-$80 video games. Don't fucking do it. I don't care that you own every Mario kart and Mario party and Zelda game and that's what you base your personality around. You're gonna have an identity crisis for like 2 months and then they'll lower the prices because we all did good and didn't buy them, and then you can have your favorite piece of shit game, ok?

home goods blocked me

they told me to go Home cause i'm no Goods

Everyone wanted to be thicc but nobody wanted to be fat. Everyone wanted the dad bod but nobody wanted to be fat. Everyone wants fat mommy milkers but nobody wants mommy to be fat. Everyone wants to be a bear but not like, an actual fat bear. You get what i’m saying

Everyone wants the mistique of fatness or use the language of fatness to denote hotness without actually being fat or acknowledging that fat people or fatness can just be hot.

If tumblr shuts down you can find me in your house getting your posts directly from the source

if ever anything I wrote were to ever go viral, let it be this. Let everyone talk about the Trump Slump. I want to hear this term in the news.