Not My Chair Not My Problem

You know he had to do it to em

What????

not gonna say it again.

people were writing “hot or not” lists on the bathroom stalls when i was in 8th grade and the dean of students came on the morning announcements and said something i will never forget “we’ve got some bad apples at this school… and it’s applesauce season" 

the entire term has been this confusing and chaotic

The staff of The Onion are just growing cobwebs at this point

neither of these poeple are sayuing anything

what accent is this omg

Is this from birdbox?

There is no way this is a porno

This is the best porno there has ever been.

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

this is the only merchant on an island life simulation video game

Imagine going to a party and the white suburban stay at home mom with two overachiever kids and white dad who barbeques but doesn’t know how to barbeque and yet is always surrounded by other white Dads who compliment his barbqeuing even though they’re just store bought preshaped frozen patties from Ralph’s or Food 4 Less and while he’s cooking those the white mom comes out and says “okay kids, here’s some pizza!” And she pulls this out and starts telling the kids why its a “fun pizza” and then cries in her master bedroom when no one likes it or finishes it and the white dad is then consoling her why she sobs that she’s a terrible mother and ruined her fourth grade straight B+ sons birthday and thinks her kids hate her but they don’t care but she continues crying softly into her pillow while the children eat poorly cooked burgers with unmelted kraft singles and too much mayonnaise and the only other condiments are two pickles and pepper because the dad calls it his special burger with a secret spice but the spice was just pepper and the kids just keep playing E rated games on their Nintendo Wii while the 17 year old older sister starts cleaning the tragedy up and throwing away uneaten “fun pizza” and whole burgers dejected from the start while she dials Pizza Hut to get these kids an actual birthday lunch and the mother then throws a fit because the daughter did something the kids liked and she didn’t and was the only one making a huge deal out of it and the daughter was then grounded from her TV in her room for only two days and the son went to blow out the candles in his standard birthday cake from food 4 less the mom added strawberries to so she could feel she did something but was still slightly teary and sad because her day was ruined by no one wanting to eat her “fun pizza”

The fucking caption is perfect