Can you hear the bumblebee swarm?

Bagginshield: You can pinpoint the Hobbit movies as the beginning of your crippling addiction to edgy boys who have trouble talking about their feelings

Sam/Rosie: You are a firm believer in keeping things canon and keeping things wholesome

Legolas/Gimli: You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of getting dunked on

Faramir/Eowyn: Your ideal high school romance is jock/nerd

Angbang: Your ideal high school romance is nerd/goth

Morgoth/Gothmog: Your ideal high school romance is goth/goth

Morgoth/Fëanor: Your addiction to edgy boys got so bad that one day you were like, “Hey, you know what’s better than one edgy boy? TWO edgy boys!”

Russingon: You were absolutely fucking thrilled when “Be gay do crimes” became the hot new meme

Fëanor/Fingolfin: Half of you came here after shipping Draco and Harry, half of you came here after shipping Sasuke and Naruto, all of you are now shipping Deku and Todoroki

Frodo/Sam: You just wanted good things for Frodo; and really … who wouldn’t?

Barduil: You liked the dynamic from Bagginshield, but you liked Thranduil even more

Galadriel/Celeborn: You’re kind of annoyed that the thing this ship is most well-known for is that one scene where Celeborn says “Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him”

Beren/Luthien: You want a girlfriend who not only can kick your ass, but will do so upon request

Eowyn/Aragorn: You are heterosexual

Aragorn/Arwen: You’re always a sucker for a good meet-cute … and you’re heterosexual

Aredhel/Celegorm: Your ideal relationship dynamic is sitcom-wife/sitcom-husband

Melian/Galadriel: You are a lesbian who loves MILFs. Also, you probably read History of Middle Earth

Tuor/Idril: You don’t understand why anyone would fuck around with an unstable love/hate relationship when there’s a perfectly happy marriage right there

Idril/Maeglin: You don’t understand why anyone would care about a happy marriage when there’s an unstable love/hate relationship to fuck around with

Merry/Pippin: You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of buddy comedies

Fëanor/Nerdanel: You are a firm believer in men 👏 getting 👏 pegged 👏

Caranthir/Haleth: This is just the same joke as Beren/Luthien, but even more so, and with no canon validation

For the purposes of this list I’m only including individual scenes as opposed to entire events/schemes. These are in no particular order, I just listed as they popped into my head.  Quotes are taken from the Silmarillion and LotR.

- Laughing his ass off before Númenor sinks with him on it And Sauron, sitting in his black seat in the midst of the Temple, had laughed when he heard the trumpets of Ar-Pharazôn sounding for battle; and again he had laughed when he heard the thunder of the storm; and a third time, even as he laughed at his own thought, thinking what he would do now in the world, being rid of the Edain for ever, he was taken in the midst of his mirth, and his seat and his temple fell into the abyss.  I genuinely find this image hilarious. Like, he’s just sitting there, on his own, in the middle of the temple, thinking “Those idiots! I’m finally free of them! Think of all the shit I can get up to now!” and he’s just giggling away to himself like a giddy school child, completely ignoring the storm brewing outside (in fact, he laughs at it??) and then he just gets wiped out! Like, by the sounds of it, he literally only noticed that something was up when he finally was slapped in the face by a wave. All that plotting and it backfires so spectacularly. I’d say that smug grin was wiped off his face pretty quickly.

- Sees Lúthien, first thing he thinks is of Melkor and what he can get out of him The fame of the beauty of Lúthien and the wonder of her song had long gone forth from Doriath; and he thought to make her captive and hand her over to the power of Morgoth, for his reward would be great. I just love that, normally, when people see Lúthien they fall for her, or they get caught up in her beauty. Our buddy Mairon, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to personally register her beauty, it’s just a thing he’s heard about and, though I’m not even really sure why, I am greatly amused that the first thing he thinks of instead is getting something nice off of Melkor. It might be because he’s normally quite a distant character but I just think the “Oooo, I could get a head pat out of this!” reaction is funny. (Also in terms of head canon and shipping I always look at this scene and think that this Maia really couldn’t be any more gay and in love with his boss if he tried XD) 

- Revealing that he tricked that guy into thinking his wife was alive Then Sauron laughed; and he mocked Gorlim, and revealed to him that he had seen only a phantom devised by wizardry to entrap him; for Eilinel was dead. “Nonetheless I will grant thy prayer,” said Sauron; “and thou shalt go to Eilinel, and be set free of my service.” Then he put him cruelly to death. Look, I am a sucker for scenes where characters pull an Obi Wan ‘Well, I was telling the truth, from a certain point of view’. This moment really shows us how tricky he is, how he likes to get into people’s heads and mess with them and what kinds of things he uses his mastery of illusions for. The fact that he laughs tells us that he takes pleasure in doing these kinds of things. He’s not just doing whatever he thinks will allow him to achieve his goal most efficiently, he gets a kick out of doing things this way. You just know he was a smug git when he was like ‘don’t worry, you’ll get what you were promised’. It’s a classic villain move and I love it.

- Thinking he was the greatest wolf prophesied to kill Huan Now Sauron knew well, as did all in that land, the fate that was decreed for the hound of Valinor, and it came into his thought that he himself would accomplish it. Honestly, do I really need to explain this one? The sheer arrogance! He literally stood there and thought ‘it might be me!’ I love this fool.

After like two years I’ve finally gotten around to finishing my companion design for Melkor

At the moment, I quite like the thought of Bartek Borowiec as Mairon! He's got the long red hair and the beautiful, epicene features that I associate with him.

As for Melkor, I didn't have anyone already in mind, buuuuut... How's about Efren Garza? He's got handsome, angular features and long black hair, which I associate with Melkor.