𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕣 𝕣𝕒𝕪𝕟𝕖

ilya pays the bill at restaurants by lying that he’s going to the bathroom - shane starts doing this too and now it’s a race to see who can covertly pay first

shane is super outdoorsy and can fix a lot of stuff around the house AND has tools!!!! ilya calls him mr get it done after hearing the GloRilla song

shane INSISTS on russian only days to accelerate his learning

when shane and ilya hang out with rose, she mentions about how shane was such a chill boyfriend and not possessive at all and ilya cannot control his laughter

shane uses ilya as his personal weighted blanket and other sensory grounding techniques (“can you grab and pull my hair” “kinky” “no - actually later”)

shane collected ilya’s hockey cards but had to have a huge binder of everyone’s so it doesn’t seem like he’s only collecting ilya’s cards - ilya has shane’s rookie card in his wallet (awwww)

lots of cuteness aggression doesn’t matter who’s around!!!!!!

“listen” “listening”

ilya’s entire camera roll goes from random pictures to shane shane shane - shane sleeping shane eating shane standing infront of the tv claiming he’s not watching shane in hockey gear shane cooking shane with anya shane at the cottage shane at the camps shane in his childhood bedroom shane shane shane

during the first year they were were officially dating but ilya was in boston; hayden jokes that shane should get lily flowers and draaags him to a flower shop so shane shows up to ilya’s house with lillies & after that ilya sends shane roses to tease him on game days

when apart; ilya sends 100 voice notes a day to shane (shane listens to them all together like asmr)

ilya will kiss shane just to steal lip balm

if shane is laying on the couch ilya will lay on him and put his head in shane’s shirt (“you’re stretching out the material”)

their shared google calendar is run like the navy (“hollander i don’t see blowjobs on thursday? i will add” “STOP IT MY MOM SEES THIS CALENDAR”)

ilya lowballs people on fb marketplace and then uses shane’s account to lowball them further

ilya’s snoring is so bad you can hear it from other rooms but it’s the only noise shane can sleep through its like white noise for shane

ilya posts a single tik tok and it's because he loves the 'husband haul' trend where he spends 45 seconds ragebaiting shane 'weak backhand' 'mr real estate' hollander and shane has the angry kitten face the entire time

ilya winking at shane is to shane what shane wearing glasses is to ilya

ilya writes to do lists / grocery lists in cyrillic and his penmanship is gorgeous (shane is surprised his jock hockey player husband has nice handwriting and that it took him 10 years to see it)

ilya calls troy his best friend and shane gets jealous

shane carries the bags when they go anywhere

ilya is shane’s emergency contact but shane’s parents are ilya’s emergency contact

LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES. HE DID THAT TO HIMSELF

And here's Shane. Shane who folds his clothes before sex. Shane who will always be happy with a cold ginger beer. Shane who has a stylist and an interior decorator because he likes things to look objectively nice.

Shane who answers "How many times can you cum in an hour?" completely literally. Shane who has no filter and comments on the bed being dirty within 0.2 seconds of cumming all over it. Shane who comes out to Ilya the moment he figures it out himself, and who tells him point blank that it's not just sex, because he never ever expects Ilya to read his mind.

mafia au where shane is the first and only son of the Hollander family and Ilya is the second son and star-sharpshooter of the Rozanovs.

They both have their own share of pressure on their shoulders, but only one of them seems invested in their family's future...

@sparrow-va Seen a lot of people asking this and here's a starter-pack, which others have also added in the comments:

Start on day one. It's almost impossible to scale back if you started out giving 100% —it might be possible though, so don't give up hope.

If you can get away with it, 'waste' roughly half of your time. You can work on a personal project if IT won't clock you, or go for long walks if you can sneak out of the office. I walked 3-4 miles every day when I started my current job. I also walked to Barnes & Noble to sit on the floor and read comics. I've spent a few days just watching TikToks or Fall of Civilizations. If you have Work From Home days, buy a mouse jiggler! (Don't install mouse jiggler software, that shit's traceable.)

If you're still not sure, pay close attention to how much work your worst coworker is doing, and copy that. I bet you it will be 40-60% of what you feel you could easily do, especially if they are 50+.

Never finish anything immediately. If you want to get a project done, knock it out, and then set a reminder to send it at least 2-3 days later. I fuck this one up the most, if I'm honest, 'cause shocking people with how fast I can accomplish things is like a drug.

Remember!!!! Being the fastest and the best will get you NOTHING—except possibly the kind of attention that gets you abused and fired. Promotions for hard work are a myth. It's capitalist propaganda you MUST expunge from your brain. Aim to be the worker your manager expects, not the one they're impressed by—except in a social sense. I got a $2 raise for singing in 3 part harmony with my bosses once.