I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch
please, my dog, he is sick
Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard
Please, my dog, he is very sick.
@eorzeanpages
One Nice Bug Per Day
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

shark vs the universe
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Product Placement
dirt enthusiast

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Kaledo Art
sheepfilms

he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
AnasAbdin
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almost home

Origami Around

oozey mess
Three Goblin Art
hello vonnie
occasionally subtle
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@sumersprkl
I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch
please, my dog, he is sick
Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard
Please, my dog, he is very sick.
@eorzeanpages

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i love that wyll is nice... he has a rapier and eldritch magics and kills people as part of his day job but it's ok he's literally nice. he has a running bit about the various fantasy dungeons(tm) you take him to where he critiques them for his travel blog... he still remembers how to dance courtly style from his teens but the only time he gets the chance for it is in the middle of a cursed realm... ceremorphosis is like the second to last item on his list of weird shit to worry about... what a great character
these are getting weird
you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/
artists depiction of event

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*sweating profusely*
i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.
The opposite of a mansion murder mystery where everyone present is a bounty hunter who really wants to take credit for the murder and the detective has to find out who really did it
Assistant: "What about the gunpowder found at the scene?"
Detective: "I thought about that as well! But as you can see from the bullet wound, it was clearly done posthumously."
Assistant: "Remarkable find! But why would someone shoot a corpse?"
*Bounty hunter 'Gun shootman' tossing his hat on the ground and stomping it as he rips up the contract he hoped to cash in on fulfilling*
Femme fatale: his ink bottle was knocked over detective. I dont know if that means anything but its all i could find. *coquettishly turns and shows off ink stains on dress*
Detective: The victim was murdered in the lounge actually so i don't think there should have been any ink there at all
Femme fatale: *takes off heels and throws them through the glass window*
In the end it’s revealed that the “victim” died of natural causes
Some people's Home Alone hot takes are that Kevin is apparently evil for doing what most kids that age would do if they could in that situation
My Home Alone hot take is that if you walk into three consecutive death traps and still don't take the first chance to back out, you deserve everything that happens to you afterwards. Not in a moral sense, just in a "knowingly and willingly slapping a hot stove after you already got burned multiple times" sense

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Lup and Barry clone Taako
i've been dabbling in taz fic lately, and i started this and realised i only wanted to write this scene, and thus didn't want to flesh it out further LMAO
one scene isn't enough to post on ao3, but it is enough to post on tumblr ;)
It starts with Lup’s hovering.
Her metaphorical hovering, that is, not her literal hovering. It’s been a month, maybe a bit more since they’ve defeated the Hunger, and on account of being a lich with no legs, she’d have to drift from place to place for all that time.
Taako doesn’t know why she and Barry haven’t made her a new body, but whatever.
To be honest, it takes a while for Taako to even notice her metaphorical hovering, let alone be bothered by it. There’s something about being separated for over a decade that’s made it so that neither of them can be apart for too long without getting panicky about it. But as Taako soaks up sister time, his Lup quota fills up a little bit faster every day until it’s almost back to pre disappearance levels.
He’d expected it to be the same for Lup, but she’s still clingy. Still hovering. Metaphorically. It’s obvious that there's something she wants to tell him, and he’s never known her to be shy about anything, so he’s waiting for her to spit it out herself.
One night, when she’s decided to ‘sleep’ in Taako’s bed instead of Barry's, she finally plucks up the courage to ask whatever she wants to ask him.
“Taako. How much do you love me?”
“What do you want?” his eyes are closed, but if they weren’t, they’d be squinting suspiciously.
“Seriously, babe, just answer the question.”
“You’re my heart, duh,” if this is what she’s been worried about the whole time, then Taako’s gonna be pissed.
“How would you like to make that literal?”
He finally pulls open an eye to see his sister, floating ominously above him, “and what the fuck do you mean by that?”
If Lup had a face, she would use it to give him a bashful smile.
“Well… we need like, a lot of DNA samples in order to create a clone, and it was easy for Barry because he always had access to his body but–”
“But your body is dust,” Taako closes his eyes.
“Hey, we’re already technically clones of each other! We just need to do it manually this time!”
“It’s still fucking freaky, though!” he sits up on his elbows, “I don’t wanna go about my day knowing there’s a version of me growing in a test tube!”
“Then don’t think of the clone as you, dummy, it’ll be my body, I just… won’t be in it, for a while.”
“Oh my god,” he slumps back onto the mattress, “when the fuck did this become our life?”
“I think we were pretty much locked in the moment we got the IPRE acceptance letters,” she floats down to lie on Taako’s body, her not-face propped up by her hands. “Seriously, though, if you really don’t wanna do this, then it’s fine. We’ll figure something else out.”
“Oh yeah, like what? Possess some poor schmuck and spend the rest of your days running from Kravitz? No way, this is the easier option.”
“I have a feeling you’re not fully 100 percent on board with this.”
“Yeah, of course I'm not! Who wants to be cloned? But I’m doing it anyway because you’re my sister, and I want to fucking hug you.”
“God, same,” Lup sighs, “and I want to bang my husband,” she ignores Taako’s retching, “it’s just that we have to be really careful about this, now that me and Barry are working for the Raven Queen and all, we have to make sure this is super duper ethical. Cloning is super light necromancy, and she’s barely willing to let us do it.”
“Fine,” Taako raises his hand, “you have my full unequivocal consent to clone my body and bang your husband with it. I just don’t want to see the fucking thing until you’re in it. Do you need that in writing or what?”
“Actually, yeah. Like I said, the Raven Queen is being super strict about it. Kravitz says we’re lucky she’s letting us do this at all. I guess being the saviors of the universe helped us out there.”
“She also has a big soft spot for Kravitz. She’s like his Mom.”
“Aww, really?”
“He can deny it all he wants, but I know the truth. He blushes like a motherfucker when I bring it up.”
“Ha!” She barks out a laugh and sits up, “I'm definitely gonna bring that up the next time I see him,” she floats off him and makes for the wall– doors are obsolete to a lich– but she pauses, turning back to face him. He can almost imagine her face in the empty darkness that is her hood, a reflection of his own, but far more open and gentle than he’s ever allowed himself to be. “Seriously–”
“Seriously,” he raises his hand, “I'm cool with it. Now can I go the fuck back to sleep?”
“Yeah,” she says, soft, with a hint of a smile, “you can.”
If they use Taako's DNA to make Lup's new body after Taako lost some of his beauty in the Suffering Game, does that mean that he and Lup are still identical? 🥺
Restaurants don’t give out free colored pencils with color shifting lead anymore. We used to be a country.
I made this post and my friend came by a day or two later and dropped off one of these pencils they bought for me. There is such love in my life i could never begin to explain. How do i explain to someone that my friend saw my wish to the whole wide universe and granted it themselves 🌠
"I just have,,,A NEGATIVE PERSONALITY!!!!" Mf you got depression and anxiety
how it feels reading a fic that was severely undertagged

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My girlfriend doesn't have a Tumblr, but after I bought my copy of Sir Cameron I convinced her to buy her own! She thoroughly enjoyed it, so I'm sending you photos of her cats Peppermint Patty and Lord Licorice paying the cat tax on her behalf
hello to your animals! I like that only one of them has facial features
Since this very very much in progress fish plate has gotten some surprising fame, I would like to ask you a small favor:
How should I finish this? Which fish is obviously missing? Help me fishblr!
Dear comrades, I would like to inform you:
THE FISH PLATE IS READY!