is it really that strange if i always wanna change

Will forever be a morning person. 🖤

And by morning, I mean all of the hours from midnight until right up before the sun gets into that position right above my head. You know…noon. So literally, exactly a morning person only.

wedding szn but he’s busy with UFC fighting…

I can’t express the amount of confusion I felt as a child when learning about the atrocities white colonizers put these true people of the Earth through. Reading stories and visiting all of these museums & sites dedicated to Native Americans only further started to grow that seed of hate I’d started to form for white people. Even at the tender ages of 7 & 8, I felt more suspicious and wary of the few white kids in my class than I did of the coloured ones. Ever.

When we had representatives of both Algonquian & Siouan families walk us through their entire heritage and further explain the crimes of the white settlers against their ancestors, I was traumatized hearing of the ways they were stripped of their identity and culture. And this was done to people who actually, literally FOUND the land we’re all on, not even people like me who simply immigrated or came here as refugees from somewhere else. Legally.

Meanwhile those white colonizers just sailed here illegally and stole the land the way they’ve stolen essentially everything else in the world.

I thought about how bizarre it would be if some people came into my house, tore me away from my parents, forced me & my sisters to abandon Islam and give in to becoming a member of some other religion. It scared me because at that age I thought that white people were much more powerful, allowed to do anything, so this could very well all be a possibility. The only white people I actually trusted entirely were the teachers who told of these atrocities, the ones who often went out of their way to personally connect with me because they genuinely wanted to equip me with knowledge and further my education.

My love & passion for everything related to Native American lives & culture grew tenfold around that time.

When we would spend social studies classes in elementary school learning about Native Americans and they way they viewed the world, their spiritual beliefs, as well as their overall general cultural milieu of “waste not” and everything in between, I remember thinking about how similar Islamic traditions & beliefs were aside from the obvious differences.

I lived for those Seventh Fire Story shorts. They were my favourite simply due to the fact that in such condensed amounts of time, we would end up learning so very much about Native culture. Wesakechak & his tales had as much of an integral influence on my childhood as, for instance, Bill Nye did. Or just about any other educational & deeply meaningful content did around the time. I still carry those lessons and the stories themselves. And I’m likely going to educate my own children with them one day.

I hyper-focused so much on the subject of Native Americans, of Canadian history (before & after the establishment of the institution itself) and I would read so many books & stories which continued to educate me on their beliefs, as well as their most exceptional leaders, the ones who were martyred, as well as the Chiefs who fought harder than anyone to get their children back. To ward off the forced assimilation.

I was also so angry when I learned about how the dirty white colonizers spread disease which had never EVER stepped foot in that part of the world.

Imagine thinking you’re the greatest race on earth, far superior and intelligent, but in reality so gosh-darned dirty & unhygienic that you never wash your ass which then spread diseases to people who live so well off the earth that even their senior persons were fit enough to hunt. Imagine thinking you’re such a fit race that everyone else needs to be exactly like you but then when you force them to, suddenly those people start dying because your practices & outlook & hygiene in general are so very unimaginably disgusting.

Reconciliation means that there’s friendly relations between two or more parties, where all parties have equal status & access to the same opportunities & resources.

Native Americans have never been “reconciled” with properly by any institution of any form despite the strides the world itself has made.

I don’t verbally swear anymore and try very hard to not even write it but I am so FUCKING ANGRY that the institutions in place have so decided that a simple statutory day with the word RECONCILIATION in it is the best course of action for our Indigenous brothers & sisters.

I want to pull my hair out. This is insulting.

You know, I used to go home & incessantly annoy my mom about everything I would learn because my sisters were still much younger and couldn’t engage but mostly because my mom would then tell me about how Native belief systems and spirituality was similar to our own Sufism.

The innate desire to be one with our creator stems so deeply in both systems.

It’s okay, my fellow Indigenous-Canadian friends, we, as Muslims, stand with you. Trudeau turned his back on his promise to rehabilitate, rehome, and properly raise & educate war-torn Palestinian children before he stepped into the PM position. Once he became PM, the organizers, doctors, and other individuals of the program suddenly had their pleas & messages ignored.

So we understand.

We see you.

We stand with you.

And we know that this isn’t reconciliation, it’s a cover.

They have had decades to attribute a day for you– they chose NOT to until they came upon the graves of YOUR children who had been so savagely killed at the hands of these same white colonizers’ ancestors who had the audacity to point fingers at those kids’, calling them the savage ones.

Every WHITE Canadian AND American who never gave a damn about Native American lives after secondary school and only started speaking up once the children were found? 

You knew.

You were told.

The fact that you people act surprised?

How!? It’s ridiculous. It’s such a SHOW. Wearing that orange shirt means NOTHING. Does NOTHING. It only signifies that you believe that this “holiday” fixes things. That you’re “woke”. When you’re not.

Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. Selective activism is NOT activism. SELECTIVE ACTIVISM NOT ACTIVISM.

And I know it’s selective for a lot of you white people because you’re an activist for one thing, but quiet for others. You don’t care. Drop the act.

Instead, PAY UP.

Reparations are to be made. That’s the only way true peace & reconciliation can happen. These Native American people are OWED reparations from you. And if you’re white in this country, born & raised, with lineage spanning back at LEAST 60-70 years? Pay reparations to the Native American people you pretend to care about. You owe them. Your ancestors did this.

Wearing an orange shirt does nothing. You give nothing. You’re helping nothing.

I can’t even believe the PM never even attended the ceremony at the school in Kamloops where the small bodies were found. Instead, he chose to holiday as if it were truly an actual holiday where one goes away to celebrate.

Shame on Trudeau.

Shame on this government.

Shame on Canada.

Shame on white Canadians.

Shame on any persons who think this fixes anything.

Reparations & investment into indigenous affairs are the ONLY ways to resolve the issue. Structuring better housing for them, allowing stipends to be handed out to those on reserves, as well as investing into the safety of Indigenous women & children is how we make it “right”. Free QUALITY education & higher education should be given to our Native friends. They deserve completely free healthcare, free housing, and better investments into rehabilitation especially for the ones addicted to drugs & alcohol.

Because newsflash, white Canadians: YOUR ancestors introduced THEIR ancestors to drugs & alcohol. Your ancestors triggered these addictions which you so flippantly mention whenever the topic of assisting & rehabilitating Native Americans is brought up. You caused their ancestors of today to be in the state that they are.

Nothing will ever be enough.

But reparations would be a start.

And to my dear Native American brothers & sisters: I’m so sorry if this day opens old wounds, stings, hurts or anything negative. I can’t imagine it being easy.

Turtle Island is yours, and will forever be yours.

For we may plan, but Allah SWT is the best of planners.

Alhamdulillah for this religion.

Alhamdulillah for being born Muslim. 🥰

P.S.: this is your reminder to go ✨P R A Y✨ Fajr, Duhr, Asr, Maghrib, or Isha (depending on your time zone) if you haven’t yet (and if prayer time is still at peak for you). And if you’ve already prayed, then–

Mashallah! 📿 🧕🏻 ♥️

No lies, it’s only been about 2 hours since I was with you last and I already miss you. Your tiny hands are so very tightly wrapped around my heart. I’ll be home soon, bubz because while as elegant & beautiful as this wedding may be (and as happy as I was to dress up), literally nowhere feels complete or whole without you.

Mera dil, meri jaan. ♥️

No one else puts smiles this wide on my lips.

I always thought my significant other wouldn’t be more important to me than my friends but Islam has taught me that it’s always family first.

I used to believe that blood wasn’t as thick as water but again, Islam taught me better. It taught me how even if husband & wife are not biologically related, therefore making them non-blood, the reason Allah SWT stresses the importance of having children together is BECAUSE that relationship then becomes biologically related and strengthened tenfold through the birth of your offspring.

I am eternally grateful to you, my love.

Coffee is about the only thing keeping me together during this frustrating time.

I can’t believe the very friend of my dad’s who is basically the reason behind how & why my dad became the first Albertan to ever be granted Canadian citizenship via the 2017 amendment of the act, is now 1/3 the reason behind why hundreds of Albertans have needlessly died from COVID-19 and so many are sat infected with the Delta variant.

I always knew he was a piece of crap, but Kenney managed to sink even further beyond that with the whole “Best summer ever!” promise, as well as lack of restrictions, AND deciding to have Stampede anyway.

The worst of it all? He abandoned his province while the 4th wave ravaged Albertans (albeit unvaccinated Albertans but regardless of their own idiocy, they’re still people with families).

I am so upset with this because forget me & my family not being able to go back home to NY for the next little while, but my dad & other relatives/close family friends are among the few whose important surgeries are being cancelled again. It’s not fair to those of us who did our part, stayed home, got the vaccine as soon as we were eligible, AND managed to follow all other medical/scientific recommendations & restrictions.

The sad part is that despite the clear incompetency of our Premier, Alberta still managed to vote all blue during the snap federal election.

These people almost deserve what they get. But the rest of us LOGICAL & SENSIBLE people are basically shackled on that rocketship headed for doom right next to these COVIDiots.

Alhamdulillah however that despite each of Calgary’s ridings going blue, dad’s best friend’s nephew managed to win a Liberal seat – all thanks to my dad influencing our Pakistani & Muslim communities to vote for him and then of course his own incredibly esteemed family spreading the word via their close & powerful social networks. Trudeau & Nenshi’s endorsements definitely helped too on top of it all.

Even all that aside though, what George Chahal has done for the Calgary Skyview area AS WELL AS ridings he has no connection to or interest in, is beyond commendable. When the hailstorm ravaged Calgary NE homes in June 2020, HE was the one who forced Trudeau to come out and meet the affected, he forced Kenney too, and ofc he didn’t have to coax Nenshi at all, but he still sat with him to come up with a way for them to be able to help every single person and/or family affected by the storm. Where the insurance companies denied claims (and/or warned VICTIMS that if they pursued claims further then it would be their one & only), Chahal forced the federal & provincial governments to step up & contribute to the rebuilding & restructuring of roofs caved in, sidings crumpled & torn, and a whole mess of other things.

George Chahal cleaned up neighbourhoods where not a single of his acquaintances resided in; he has come out to support any big or small local event going on because he genuinely cares about Calgary. He was born & bred here, he knows the people, he gets them.

He deserved the win.

Honestly speaking he’s a small but bright white shining light in these dark times. In this dark blue ocean.

Anyway…I’ve stopped swearing but man, I wanna say some real choice words to Kenney. He’s all but destroyed Alberta. Albertans in general. He’s the reason people are divisive. He needs to go. And he needs to take Shandro & Hinshaw with him.

It’s just sad that so many, despite being tortured under 1 Con provincially, were still happy to mark the ballot vying for ANOTHER, more notorious Con FEDERALLY. Not sure how to feel around Albertans anymore, really.

Which is why coffee is my safe haven rn. My baby is my safe haven. My family is my safe haven. 🥰

🩸 is always thicker than💧

One last post…

“And we created you in pairs…”

Quran [78:8]

Along with Allah SWT, I know I have you to thank almost as much for helping push me back towards Him. You reaffirmed my faith, you guided me again, you once again taught me the correct way to pray, to dress, to speak, to be, just…I know the gheerah in your heart for me, for the little life we share together, it’s going to help shoot you straight into Jannah.

Because while so many men have chosen to abandon gheerah, exposing and flaunting their families, exploiting them, you keep us safe & protected. Close to your heart, always on your mind.

And you’ve taught me how to be the same way, whether it’s by never really talking about our life and what’s going on in it to essentially being so removed from social media that my text messages are now what tends to “blow up”.

Thank you for helping remind me that the fake world that social media has created is even more false than the friends who promise they’re your friends while holding down that knife in your back. Thank you for offering me sense, reminding me that it is them we must pity due to their unfulfilled lives despite all of the things they abundantly post in efforts to state the opposite, to show off, to use their families as adornments. Thank you for remaining the calm to my storm throughout the entire time we’ve known each other.

Life is so much more surreal & heavenly under your influence and the influence of my deen. How did I get so lucky? I would choose you over & over because this privacy and this world of ours has entirely restored my faith, my happiness, all of the worldly worries that have eaten me up in the past.

Thank you for what you’ve given me.

With you by my side and Allah always in (and “on” in this photo) my heart? How could I ever feel less than adequate, fulfilled, overjoyed, grateful?

Deen over Dunya, my love.

“Jaan maango, woh bhi denay ke liye teyaar hain.”

Always used to say that to him, but now?

Jab humari jaan hum dono ke haathon mein kehl rahi hai, toh phir kya aur aapko doun? ❤️