I’ve been drowning in my own thoughts and feelings lately, and I’ve decided it’s time to take drastic action toward healing. That includes—among other things—sending some of my loudest, scariest thoughts out into the ether.
Why here, on Tumblr?
Because I’ve spent far too long mourning my lack of community and my overall sense of personal wellness. And then it hit me: I do have a community—it just doesn’t look the way I expected it to. It’s unconventional, but it’s here. And that’s enough to start.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m standing on quicksand—constantly sinking, never steady. I’m tired of living in survival mode, of doing just enough to scrape by. I’m tired of being paralyzed by the fear that anything I try will end in failure.
I’m tired of not seeing myself clearly—of not recognizing or trusting my own strengths. I’m tired of numbing myself with empty distractions just to feel something, anything.
I’m tired of feeling like I’ll never be fully chosen—like I mainly attract people who want access to my energy and light, but not the responsibility of caring for it. People who take, and take, and leave damage behind.
I’m tired of questioning the intentions of people who do want to show up for me. Tired of being afraid to ask for help when I need it. Tired of giving power to the voices—internal and external—that judge me, try to reshape me, or make me feel like I have to shrink to be acceptable.
So this is me, trying something different.
This is me choosing to be seen, even when it scares me.
This is me choosing to believe that maybe—just maybe—I don’t have to do this alone.
