Coming back to this because the painting finally settled back in Europe yesterday. Honestly making something of her size was me daring to claim space in this world. I didn’t even have my own crib or studio, yet I made something of that scale and said Chineke will guide it. Been battling feelings of self blame, like why did I have to make something so big? I never wanna call this painting a burden, but the shipment weighing at 257kg defs carried a material weight, from the paper work to the shipment costs, it all just reflects the very materiality of even my own life n paying the price of existence in a world that asks you to shrink. I truly pray for this painting, she has a powerful voice and a deep ancestral story, I am not a machine so she could never be a manufactured product. She is alive and I truly pray to Chineke i can hear what this part of myself wants next…. I pray she can regenerate more for me and for her, towards our own survival and healing. I pray her story can touch more people of this world. So that they can also dare to dream, dare to exist, dare to take up space, to be seen and to be heard. Iseee.

coming back to this prayer with a heavy heart, cause all my efforts this year to find her a home has really been leading me to dead ends.. i jus can't even deal.

like I’m continuously bracing myself for violence