S

‘I think about your thighs,’ he wrote in the second letter, and the warm, moist smell of your skin in the morning, and the tiny eyelash in each corner of your eye that I always notice when you first roll over to look at me. I don’t know why you are better and more beautiful than anybody else. I don’t know why your body is something I can’t stop thinking about, why those little flaws and ridges on your back are lovely to me or why the pale soft bottoms of your New Jersey feet that always wore shoes are more poignant than any other feet, but they are. I thought I would have more time to chart your body, to map its poles, its contours and terrains, its inner regions, both temperate and torrid - a whole topography of skin and muscle and bone. I didn’t tell you, but I imagined a lifetime as your cartographer, years of exploration and discovery that would keep changing the look of my map. It would always need to be redrawn and reconfigured to keep up with you. I’m sure I’ve missed things..or forgotten them, because half the time I’ve been wandering around your body blind drunk with happiness. There are still places I haven’t seen.

You're Worth Loving and Chasing For

this is the thing no one tells you about monsters about real monsters they don’t lurk in your closet or hide under your bed but they still manage to come out of the shadows when you least expect them to they don’t live in darkness they don’t thrive in the nighttime real monsters walk around in broad daylight unaffected by the burn of the sun they don’t need to hide in the shadows they stalk and they prey while it’s still light out so they can see you better no one tells you that real monsters don’t look like monsters because their fangs are hidden behind soft smiles and their claws are hidden behind warm touches real monsters hide behind bright eyes and dimples and messy hair real monsters look like the boy you’ve known since second grade real monsters look like your neighbor who greets you on your way to school every morning real monsters look like your babysitter real monsters look like police officers real monsters look like someone you should have been able to trust they look like someone you did trust once they look like someone who broke that trust the same way they broke you real monsters will rip you to shreds with the same hand that once held yours real monsters will smother you with the same arms that once hugged you real monsters will sink their teeth into you and suck all of your blood out of your body until there is nothing left until you are nothing and they will leave you rotting on the floor knowing that no one will come to help they will watch you die watch as they slowly kill you they will cover your corpse with traces of them that only you can see so you can never prove that they killed you in the first place real monsters are not convicted real monsters are never convicted real monsters will convince a jury that they did nothing wrong real monsters will smile as the judge says “not guilty” knowing that those two words killed you even more than they ever could real monsters roam the streets knowing that they have won knowing that they will see the inside of you once again before they ever see the inside of a jail cell real monsters are so scary that they make you wish the boogeyman really did live under your bed instead of right down the hall

You matched my insanities and filled my gaps, you saw a rainbow where I couldn’t even see colors and infinity when all I saw was closed doors. And now that I am no longer in your arms, I feel like a wanderer in the desert looking for some water.

Trust me, you don’t wanna love me. You don’t wanna love someone who is incapable of loving you back. You don’t wanna love someone who is only gonna hurt you sometimes unintentionally but most of the times intentionally. You don’t wanna love a girl who can’t look at herself in the mirror or any reflective object. You don’t wanna love a girl who can kill the soul of a person without even flinching just because her own soul was murdered. You don’t wanna love someone who will tear you apart piece by piece with a smile on her face. You don’t wanna love someone who can’t even look anyone in the eye, who can’t have anyone look at her. You don’t wanna love someone who is always searching for ways to bring herself on the edge of life. You don’t wanna love someone who is always trying to kill herself just to feel alive. You don’t wanna love a screw up like me

Don’t cry over someone who left you in the middle of everything. He’s not worth your tears. Learn to stand up while you’re still feeling the pain. It will hurt you badly but, in the long run, you will understand that some valuable lessons in life will come from hardships. And this is one of them. Believe in yourself. You can surpass this storm of yours. Don’t cry over someone who doesn’t appreciate your efforts and existence. Remember, you are precious and if people make you feel you’re not worth their time and affection, let them go. Never be afraid to turn your back to people who doesn’t value you. They don’t deserve a place in your life. Don’t cry over someone who wouldn’t fight for you until the end. Prioritize yourself. You deserve someone better.

I died on that curve. (I said pointing to her smile).

do you forget that sometimes i like you?” the words come a little easier every time.“no.” a silence that lingers longer than smoke“i remember. what’s on your mind? let it out.” and this question will be in a loop forever “how does it make you feel?” “i feel that i am starting to get closer and closer with you everyday that i talk to you. how does that make you feel?” and we’ll dance around these issues a little longer, won’t we?“it makes me feel good, but then sad” and it’ll end some day, won’t it?“sad… because we can’t truly be happy because i can’t have you and you can’t have me.” unfortunately the poem doesn’t end with a happy ending“…yes.