all of my writing is actually just thinly-veiled fantasy about being seen at your worst and still being loved
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@alaskaisnothere
all of my writing is actually just thinly-veiled fantasy about being seen at your worst and still being loved

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
all i wanna do is lie in the sun!!!! read my books!!!! daydream about fictional scenarios!!!!! love without fear of abandonment!!!!!! smell like vanilla!!!!!!! cry over great poetry!!!!! sit on the grass for hours on end!!!!! not care about how others perceive me!!!!!! find god in the smallest of things!!!!! be free of guilt and shame!!!!
on starting over + why i stopped writing
if u wanna see more of me you can find me on substack π
β melfessity (via letsbelonelytogetherr)
i wanna be friends with the girl that lives on the top floor in front of me. she has a comforting sadness, it makes me feel better. she has a cat, so she doesn't need to get external affection. she stays inside and keeps her blinds closed, but sometimes she lets you in, lets you take a peek at her world. and i'm completely sure she is a person with a life that feels full to her, but isn't it so fun to look at people, judge them based on your first impression and be so damn wrong?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
adding 'perhaps' after every factoid i drop in case im wrong
the sky is blue! ....perhaps
girl who desperately craves something but is also deathly afraid of reaching for it: *hasnt responded to you in a week*
writing? oh, iβm definitely writing. in my head. during the most inconvenient times. like in the shower or when iβm about to fall asleep. actual typing? no, no, we donβt do that here.
realizing i am thinking about you instead of the audiobook and going back 15 seconds on the libby app. realizing i am thinking about you instead of the groceries and i have been in this aisle forever, just staring at bread choices. realizing i am only on instagram to send you things. realizing i am thinking about you in the middle of my morning routine like you pardon the early hour just by existing.
little hopscotch moments where i get to nest in the memory of you. i get stuck, candycoated in the sound of your voice. the shape of your hands. the little spray of freckles over your cheeks. your hair fanned across my bedsheets. realizing i am thinking about you instead of applying for jobs. realizing i am thinking about you instead of writing poems. realizing the sound of your name has become a second heartbeat somewhere in the rabbit warren of me.
isn't it funny how life is wonderful and messy and hard like one day you are crying your eyes out because you feel lost and the next day you are packing your stuff ready to leave your worries behind and start a new chapter in a different country and then you find all these people who love and support you and you still feel lost and you still have no idea what your life is supposed to look like but you're enjoying pink sunset and book dates at the park and overpriced coffees and maybe you just have to enjoy the breeze without expecting a storm

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me
do you think that i would be into you if i wasn't mentally ill? or would that turn you off because that meant that i was just like all the other girls from your past? i'm trying to rationalize our relationship because i want to talk to you on my own terms, i don't care about your needs because you didn't care about mine when you dropped the bomb. and i hate how selfish that made me and i hate how you still make me laugh but you can't adhere to the picture of you i created in my head. just like i'm not the manic pixie dream girl you made me out to be. so we'll just go on our separate ways, our knuckles turning white because we can't seem to let go.
how lucky are we to live in a world with small joys? raspberry bushes, trickling streams, sun-warmed patches of moss, bumblebees, home baked bread, fireplaces, knit sweaters, starry night skies, books that tell any story you can imagine β the earth happens to love us and if you are kind you will love her back.
it's eclipse season and you can't look at me. you say that the sun always burned you and you can't be burned again. even though you've burned me, but that wasn't intentional so that doesn't count, you say. you wish i always rainy, because you only feel good when you feel bad. because that's familiar. because feeling bad takes no effort and you've only ever seen rock bottom and chained yourself there. is it too much work to improve yourself, sweet baby? you won't drag me down with you, either step up or enjoy the grave you've dug all those years. i don't take scraps anymore.
I want to go to Alaska

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
βhow did you get into writingβ girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you
the feminine, the masculine, the artistic urge to stare at the paintings until they make you hallucinate, to read poems until they seep inside your soul, to write such words that hold the power to shatter a person's heart and fill the void at the same time.