Stuff...

I feel there's a tragic implication of ova 9 of shinichi not being able to get his body back permanently, it's not just that the truth is completely buried now for good it's the fact that shinichi completely "died" for good

there are so many "dead" and "ghost" symbolism on shinichi's role in the show and I'm included who's into that interpretation because shinichi didn't "died" literally that night it's that the more he stays as conan the more his life taken away from him, and ova 9 basically explores that further

and the tragic part of all of this is that no one even knew what really happened to him, ova 9 for me is basically a ghost of a person watching the world moved on without him that he desperately wanted to come back and the friends he knew don't even know that he died

I know this is dramatic af but I'm not kidding that the idea of shinichi not having a future design makes me sad

The tragedy of Shinichi's nightmare scenario that is OVA 9 is a lot of things. I focused on the truth that he never got to share because the OVA leads up to him finally telling her, only for it to have been so long that she no longer believes it. Yes, his life as Shinichi is over at that point, but that's not the issue he was dealing with. While the news that he was Conan forever was sprung on him because he 'couldn't remember the last 10 years': he is used to being Conan at that point, even within a dream scenario. He's still at the agency, Sonoko still comes over, not much has changed... until he hears that Ran might move on. He could handle being a grown Conan, but he can't handle that Ran might actually move on while he still loves her and doesn't know that he's right there. That he didn't just leave, he's been with her the whole time but couldn't tell her. Part of his nightmare was he finally said the truth and she didn't believe him. She'd keep waiting, but he still wouldn't be able to 'return' to her because he can't be the person she's waiting for anymore.

Viewing Shinichi as dead or a ghost because it's a person that barely exists or, for OVA 9, doesn't exist anymore is an emotional scenario to think about. And I know OVA 9 is the closest we get to that outside of fanfics, but it's still a very flawed representation of that idea. It can spark the deeper thoughts about 'what if this actually happened, and life moved on for Conan and no one cares about Shinichi anymore except Ran', but it handles it in the worst possible way because it's a dream. Because 'Conan doesn't remember the last 10 years' and thus still views himself as Shinichi to get emotional over the things that changed. There is a possibility that Shinichi doesn't have a future, that he does become resistant to the antidote, and that he lives 10 years as Conan. The reason I bring up the truth is that he would never let Ran wait for 10 years without telling her who he is. At least her. He'd talk with her about who else to tell and who to let believe he went missing or just left. His parents are ignored in the OVA, and they'd have to be involved in some way if Shinichi was technically 'dead' and couldn't come back.

Portrait of a Sunflower

Paint the reality you want to see. Paint the dead flowers back to life.

undertaker

Ardnamurchan Lighthouse.

so I promise this is the last one so far:

what if shinichi's slowly dying from the aptx and it's a high fatality rate??

idc if it's inaccurate to the lore and it's more of a hypothetical question (maybe because he takes so much aptx drugs and haibara have higher survival because she took less)

I love hypotheticals like this because it explores shinichi's identity crisis of how him and conan are getting blurred and how his life has an expiration date the more he stays as conan (and I love how it explores it further in the ova 9)

and now what if all of it would be gone completely??

The lore with APTX is pretty easy to make up, so there's a lot of ways to make it so that Shinichi has a high death chance. I think one of the more popular ones is that taking antidotes that keep making him grow and shrink would have horrific consequences on his body, so adjust that headcanon a bit and yeah, there's a chance that taking failed antidotes could just be constantly exacerbating APTX's side effect of death.

The bigger thing to tackle would be how Shinichi would learn that he's dying to begin with. And if it's a situation where he might be aware that he could have a choice between staying as Conan and living longer or try to get back to being Shinichi even though the risk gets higher and higher each time he tries and fails. (Canon Shinichi already took the risk of death for the chance at being Shinichi again the first time Haibara offered him an antidote, so it's probable that he'd keep trying regardless of health risk, but this hypothetical could have a lot of ways to play out depending on how sure they are about what part of the process is killing him. If he's dying anyway, he might as well keep trying, but if he's definitively stable as Conan and not while taking the antidote, he might be forced to weigh his options. Or if he's dying small or big, then he's just going to tell the truth in some way. Explanation while as Conan, over the phone as Shinichi if he can't be there in person, maybe a recording on video if he can't say the truth face to face and cut contact to make it a bit less painful than watching him degrade in person, etc, the possibilities with 'he tells the truth' are endless.)

akechi’s mementos dialogue in royal actually destroys me because he is CONSTANTLY trying to make conversation in the most awkward, sideways, emotionally constipated way imaginable. like after the reveal, after the masks are off (ha.) ,, he suddenly starts talking more casually and it’s SO noticeable because for the first time he’s not performing as the Detective Prince (or breaking down like in the boiler room) but he still doesn’t know how to connect with people directly. every conversation sounds like he’s testing the waters. like he’s trying to figure out how the others see him without outright asking.

“you think i’m frightening when i fight? well. i’m afraid you’re just going to have to accept it.”

RAGHHHHHH THAT IS LITERALLY HIM ASKING “do you think i’m scary?” except he can’t ask it normally so he wraps it in sarcasm and arrogance instead. everything with akechi has to be hidden behind a façade even when he’s trying to be genuine.

and then: “do you prefer my previous outfit or this one?”

SIR 😭😭😭

why are you asking them which version of yourself they like better. why are you trying to see if this “real” version of you is acceptable. he keeps tossing out these little indirect questions because he wants reassurance SO badly but would rather die than ask for it openly.

even “you may not like working with me, but i’m counting on your assistance until our goal is achieved” is him projecting his own fears first before anyone else can say them out loud. if he acknowledges the rejection possibility first, then it can’t hurt him as much. except it obviously still does.

and the NORMAL conversations make me even sadder somehow???

“i enjoy spending time in kichijoji. it’s not very big, but there are plenty of trendy shops.” “i’m getting a bit hungry. i should’ve eaten beforehand.” “riding in the car may beat walking, but it doesn’t stop my legs from growing stiff and sore…”

HE’S JUST TRYING TO TALK 😭 he’s trying so hard to participate in normal group conversation like a regular teenager and it feels painfully obvious that he’s never really had this before. no wonder half his dialogue sounds slightly stiff,,,, he genuinely does not know how to do casual friendship naturally.

and “this place is immense. if there weren’t train tracks everywhere, i’d bring my bike here.”

HELLO????? that line kills me actually because it’s such a small normal thought. like you can so easily picture a world where akechi had friends to ride bikes with. where he got to be a normal kid saying dumb little comments to people he trusted instead of becoming… all of this.

even his gratitude sounds careful: “i meant to tell you, regarding shido… thank you for keeping your promise.”

there’s something so restrained about it. he almost sounds surprised someone actually kept their word to him.

éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.

therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that:

male or female

hero or villain

sea or land

even in the snow

“I am definitely an ass man. It blows my mind. Talk about simple shapes. Two very simplistic curves. It’s so dumb, but they are fascinating as hell. It’s more than that. It’s the way the rest of the anatomy ties into that area — incredible beauty”

A pair of designs for some totebags.