Yami

The entire song is a masterpiece but let's talk about this part:

The first time, love watches and waits. the second time, love stays and waits. one of them is the love that keeps vigil. the other is the love that simply refuses to leave.

Two pulses that used to be in rhythm, now out of sync, because grief put them on different clocks. and the off-beat pulse isn't just Aline and Renoir out of sync with each other, it's both of them out of sync with verso, whose heart isn't beating at all anymore.

Thhey can't find each other's rhythm, and the rhythm they're both straining to hear is one that stopped.

Verso's laugh is still in the sparkle. his smile is still in the color. he isn't gone from the world, he's diffused into all of it, which is so much worse, because it means there's nowhere you can stand and not be reminded.

I didn't. because i already knew all of it. i'd carried it for years. saying it out loud didn't set anything down since i had nothing left to let go of.

It just felt like i handed him the facts and the facts just sat there

I thought that meant i was doing therapy wrong somehow

But the thing is, nobody tells you that naming the thing and healing the thing are two different things. you can understand exactly what broke you and still wake up flat.

If you found your reason and still feel nothing moved, you didn't fail. sometimes the sadness isn't a thought you can catch. sometimes you made peace with the reason ages ago and it just kept running on its own anyway.