Pop

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

I'm coming back to this post now and...is the mall's power still on? I was imagining the mall like it was after closing time but if the is on then the escalators might do some work. I have no idea if a gorilla or snake could even figure out an escalator so  ̄\_(ツ)_/ ̄ 

These are the most fuckable bookshelves I’ve ever seen

fuck you calling it a costume like it doesnt turn you on just to say it

#like a dog who just heard you say treat (x)

Went outside and honestly, what is the fuck is going on out here.

I miss using r800 so much but unfortunately facecam streams always do better... brainstorming a way to bring it back

Hell yeah i do

Yep yep!

The prince has been cursed, forcing him to live the rest of his life as a woman. At least that's the story the royal family is going with, because apparently an "unbreakable genderswap curse" is (sadly) much more acceptable than the princess being trans.

A demon has cursed you with the inability to have children or form a family, and as soon as you learn of this you went to tell the witch who you promised your firstborn child, as this clearly will prevent you from fulfilling your side of the deal.

"You see, magic is complicated, it would require you years of study just to let you get the right mindset to start learning the basics." "You have no idea how to teach me, do you?" "I have been doing it for so long that at this point is pure muscle memory and I have forgotten all the theory.

*feigns ignorance for a wee laugh*