you are not fine and nothing is going to be okay

when i started reading aftg i asked myself "so is riko like kevin's brother or his ex?" and very quickly realized the answer is: Worse.

TKM is one of the funniest aftg books because neil is actively getting hunted for sport the entire time and instead of caring about that he’s just meddling in other people’s lives and playing therapist for 400 pages: telling kevin to start living for himself & and forcing the twins to go to therapy together & passing jean’s number on to renee so that she can talk to him. and it WORKS too. the field of psychology lost its best mind when neil decided to go pro w/ exy

sometime shortly after arriving at palmetto when kevin is high off his ass on painkillers or drunk asf he tells andrew “if i didn’t play exy i’d be a girl” and andrew’s like alright we’ll unpack that at a later date. kevin doesn’t remember he said it and andrew doesn’t think about it again until like 8 years later when kevin starts growing his hair out. but it’s another year after that before kevin sends a text in the old fox gc announcing her transition and all andrew has to say is “fucking finally”

andrew and neil share a bed after the ravens game in tgr because neil’s injuries make it hard for him to climb to the top bunk. andrew watches neil struggle twice to pull himself up the ladder before pulling his sheets back and scooting closer to the wall.

just reread the baltimore scenes and my god. andrew physically having to stop himself from punching neil after he said he was sorry because what do you MEAN you’re sorry???? you’re ALIVE and you’re REAL and IN FRONT OF ME and i’m relieved and devastated and you’re HURT and i didn’t PROTECT YOU and you SCARED ME and you LIED TO ME and the people who did this to you are the ones who SHOULD be sorry NOT you so DONT you fucking dare say you’re sorry, not like this, not right now, not to me

Andrew “im actually just a kid but i hate feeling vulnerable so I’ll convince everyone im a monster so theyre too scared to even question my poke face” Minyard and Neil “i think im a monster and im so scared people will be able to tell so i act like im just some poor kid” Josten. takes a faker to know one. Andrew recognizing Neil’s sharp edges because he’s been hand carving his own to match for years.