if you need me i'll be upside down

count your blessings; there are far more distressing fluids that could be pooling between your feet right now

b-but my juice box,,,

you can always have another.

One of the most frightening things I've ever heard is when somebody pointed out that the existence of flinching away when you touch something hot implies that at some point there was an evolutionary reason to be afraid of scary fire monsters that attacked people 😨

Not to brag, but I'm quite good at laying in bed and saying stuff like "ugh" and "oof" and "nnnnn."

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

WHAT omg i love them holy shit 💜💜💜💜

OP is an optimist

when people defend the “Cis white guy is default” thing like “He’s meant to be an everyman we can all relate to and project on!” kindly remind them the largest ethnic group in the WORLD is Han Chinese and the highest gender percentage fluctuates so if you want an ACTUAL  “default” you want a 40 year old chinese person whose gender changes from year to year.  

#give us the middle-aged gender fluid Chinese protagonist that we can all relate to and project on (via @mr-and-mr-pavus)

Bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

christian pitcher throws a christian baby