juicifer

This website was literally so fucking stupid. You used to be able to just fucking edit somebody’s post. Like just change it entirely. Nothing was stopping you. What the fuck. Imagine logging into your youtub account and some bozo changed your funny comment to say you love being a dummy. That’s what used to happen here. Every single day.

Parents need to stop staying in loveless marriages just because they have kids. Stop sacrificing your happiness just so your kids can grow up in a 2 parent household. It’s toxic for the kids to grow up watching a dysfunctional marriage because it warps their perception of what love actually is. I know they think they’re doing what’s best for everyone, but it’s really not.

in general i think new york is very good for my social anxiety because no matter how much of a freak i’m being i know it’s probably not the weirdest thing people have seen today

case in point: i felt bad about bringing my unwieldy luggage onto a crowded train, until the man sitting next to me pulled a live fish out of his backpack

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

YES

Confidence Helps

I thought this was going to be educational…. it was

Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT

you know whats a good trope? when a character sarcastically says “what should we do? [proposes outlandish and foolish plan]” and the next scene is them mid-execution of said outlandish and foolish plan

this is exactly the scene i was thinking of when i wrote this post thank you very much

the idea of consuming two conflicting things that promise to do the opposite of each other has always been hilarious to me. there’s a liquid shot-based sleep aid called 6 hour sleep and as soon as I saw it i immediately imagined mixing it and a 5 hour energy together for a 1 hour nap

mix NyQuil and DayQuil to create Quil

what does Quil do

All the time all the time