i see. meows once & detonates

I felt the cold, bony and clammy hand of death itself upon me, worst handjob I ever had

i think people are starting to forget what the LA in LARP means

*nodding sagely* Los Angeles Role Play

okay gang lets find that son of a bitch markiplier

i havent actually seen anyone make real food for their miis it's all been prescription drugs and cigarettes and bees or a combination of those

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

i could be your pet rock. id be very good at it

ive had some time to think and honestly i dont think id be a very good pet rock. i dont know what i was thinking. theres too much anger in me

Ants are always like oh shiit you have a thing? You left your Thing there i've always wanted that. And can all my friends come also

i was speaking with a guy i work with and when leaving i said okay see you monday and he went oh no i wont be in monday. im going bald. and i said ?you're what? and he just repeated im going bald monday. wont be in

update: he didn’t show up on Monday and on Tuesday he was bald

sexually repressed people be like “i have an ancient evil stirring within me. no one can know” and its literally just craving intimacy