i see. meows once & detonates

I felt the cold, bony and clammy hand of death itself upon me, worst handjob I ever had

i think people are starting to forget what the LA in LARP means

*nodding sagely* Los Angeles Role Play

okay gang lets find that son of a bitch markiplier

i havent actually seen anyone make real food for their miis it's all been prescription drugs and cigarettes and bees or a combination of those

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

i could be your pet rock. id be very good at it

ive had some time to think and honestly i dont think id be a very good pet rock. i dont know what i was thinking. theres too much anger in me

Ants are always like oh shiit you have a thing? You left your Thing there i've always wanted that. And can all my friends come also

i was speaking with a guy i work with and when leaving i said okay see you monday and he went oh no i wont be in monday. im going bald. and i said ?you're what? and he just repeated im going bald monday. wont be in

update: he didn’t show up on Monday and on Tuesday he was bald