we have to go zach

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Warner Bros. executive catches old rerun of <i>The Rifleman</i> and thinks, “I could make that cost a quarter of a billion dollars”

Screenwriter commissioned to develop a story that’s splashy, family-friendly, and has a hard July 24, 2017 release date

Meryl Streep declines to participate

Repeated production delays caused by prima donna CGI animator refusing to come out of his trailer

Classically trained Shakespearean actor privately wonders why his character wants to blow up planet Earth

Studio hands off total creative control to illustrious, visionary test audience

SPOILERS FOR TODAY’S MONSTER FACTORY KIND OF

9 Times Pixar Movies Made Us Cry Like Babies

1. The part in Toy Story 3 where Andy gives Woody away to Bonnie, who then immediately feeds him to a sick deer: When Andy parts with his best pal and watches a rabid fawn eat Woody’s broken limbs right out of Bonnie’s hands, we can’t help but get emotional.

2. In A Bugs Life when Flik opens Heimlich’s cocoon too soon, deforming his wings:Who can forget Flik eagerly wanting to see his friend and tearing away his cocoon. Our hearts sank when Heimlich’s muffled screams articulated more and more into “You idiot! You fool! I will be awful forever!” then sinks out of the cocoon shrieking over his fate.

3. The scene in Up when the old man smashes his penis against a sharp rock: Pixar is at their best when they aren’t afraid to gut-wrenchingly emotional, and this scene from Up proves that!

‘Veep’ Emmy Nominee Peter MacNicol Disqualified For Not Being Guest-y Enough

this is a GOP delegate from kansas bragging that his state is home to the “world series champion kansas city royals.” he and the women to his left and right are also wearing kansas city royals t-shirts.