Think so often lately about how fucking stupid I was to stay in a relationship for 8 years and not a single Christmas was spent together

One year ago today my grandma passed after a long and painful cancer treatment regiment. Rest in peace grandma, I miss you all the time

It just feels like there’s a rot in my soul and no matter how bad I want to want something the deepest parts of me have given up and are begging to rest

Something so difficult and shameful about not being able to promise someone you won’t kill yourself. Like physically being unable to utter the word “promise” because you just don’t know if you could keep it and your throat won’t let you lie. Like how could I not be able to just say I won’t when that’s what someone needs to hear