m o o n

dti yaps

i dont know why im crying and i dont know why im laughing i dont know why im here and hey i want to die but then im scared of death and i dont like the unknown im scared of heights and i cant swallow pills i dont have the courage to even use blades to draw on my wrists and i know when i die im going to hurt the people who love me but then theyre also the people who hurt me and when i die theyre going to twist my life potraying me as this doll that i never was voices are going to say that i wasnt brave enough and that i couldnt face life but hell i think the bravest people on earth are the ones who have the courage to face death and maybe i am weak and maybe i am cowardly but at least i dont shame people for their tears and at least i dont pour poison straight into peoples veins cause im so tired of defending you but i cant stop cause even when your mean to me your still family and when i start leaving you theyll say im the toxic one theyll talk and talk and talk but no one will ever know the truth and you dont even know that im helping you everyday someone curses your name i put a tape on their mouth then you question me on my i own tape that sounds silly but please just understand me for once i hate you so much and so much but the worse part is that i know you love me