Mel

edging my scarab

didnt have to say that

injecting both to create a secret fucked up third thing where i ship a man and a woman together

you keep that disgusting shit away from me and my children

good morning all. id offer you a glass of orange juice but it looks like we fresh ran out of OJ this morning

So funny when super conventionally attractive people have weird ass tumblr personality disorder and chronic poster syndrome like I’ll scroll through your blog and see some of the weirdest shit anyone has ever said and then get jump scared by a picture of the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen which is then followed by some more of the weirdest shit anyone has ever said

Her mom taught her the ancient lore. This is good.

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

terror doesn't travel down the spine it travels up the spine and collects like bile in the back of the throat

sorry if that sounded poetic i am literally just describing my body's physiological fear response. there's a zap in my bones highway and then my mouth tastes yucky. think it's the cortisol or some shit

this is my dog coded mutual this is my vampire coded mutual this is my machine coded mutual this is my laura palmer mutual this is my ressurected corpse mutual and that's derek

going to a racing event and yelling “PENIS CHECK” and proceeding to sack-whack every guy i see

the challenge is to not be escorted