That's not how "Tumbling" Works

A very good friend of mine told me to go out and find my place in the galaxy. And you listened? Well, no, but…Life has this funny way of forcing you on the path forward anyway.

Adoringly abused loved by Cannoli

credit: @onehell-of-apilot

A very good friend of mine told me to go out and find my place in the galaxy. And you listened? Well, no, but…Life has this funny way of forcing you on the path forward anyway.

Adoringly abused loved by Cannoli

credit: @onehell-of-apilot

Day 6 -> "Meditation/Mindfulness" | @jedijune

The glare Obi-Wan sent Qui-Gon’s way was venomous indeed, but he pulled out the teapot itself instead of just a small mug with a tea steeper.  Despite his own grievances, he also refused to give Qui-Gon any ammunition against him either.

As the water boiled, Obi-Wan felt around in his mind to see if Qui-Gon attempted to repair their training bond and felt something very tenuous but still ever-present; it seemed that he wasn’t willing to overstep his bounds with Obi-Wan, but there was an expectation of continuing Obi-Wan’s training.

Did…did Obi-Wan even want to continue his training?  He wasn’t sure what he would do if he didn’t, and all he ever wanted was to become a Jedi one day.  But Qui-Gon’s total abandonment of him had shaken his very core and the constant looks of mistrust and sympathetic glances were starting to mess with his head a bit.  Others’ sympathy was humiliating enough, but the few (but still numerous) people around who cast their doubts at him all because of his own Master’s temporary desertion cut him deeply.  

This was a conversation he occasionally had with Master Yoda.  It usually ended with Obi-Wan agreeing that his place was with the Order, and when it didn’t it ended with him agreeing to sleep on it and then agreeing with Master Yoda in the end anyway.  But it didn’t stop him from wondering.

Ultimately, Obi-Wan knew he’d never leave the Order unless he had an even stronger reason to leave beyond his own abandonment issues.  Besides, what would he do instead?  There wasn’t a whole lot of honorable work for a former Jedi out there, and Obi-Wan wasn’t really even sure where he would begin in trying to forge a new life for himself let alone anything else.

Ardor observed Obi-Wan as the boy went through the motions of making tea - but his Padawan’s mind didn’t seem to be in it. Judging from the faraway look in his aquamarine eyes, Obi-Wan was thinking heavy thoughts.

The Sith didn’t need mind tricks to know that Obi-Wan was thinking about them. About their relationship, both old and future, how to deal with his renegade Master - and how to deal with his feelings.

There was a lot of rage in Obi-Wan. Ardor could feel it like one would feel heat if they kept their hand an inch from a boiling kettle.

As for Ardor, he was pretty relaxed. He knew that his student was hurt from his actions, but he also knew that Obi-Wan loved him too much to be able to sever himself from his Master. It would take time and patience, but Ardor had no doubt that eventually Obi-Wan would see the light and join him.

Then they could finally be happy. No one would dare to hurt his precious Obi-Wan once he stood by his side. Oh, his student would make such a fine Sith! Together they’d start a new lineage, one that would annihilate those worms of the Bane line. 

Both Life and the Force had been cruel to Ardor, but finally things were starting to look up.

Obi-Wan laid a mug of tea on the coffee table in front of the Sith. Ardor breathed in deeply, loving the smell of sapir tea. Dooku hated that kind of tea and Ardor hadn’t had any for his whole stay.

But it was still there as an undercurrent.  It was there in everything that had been left unsaid all those weeks and months ago when Qui-Gon abandoned him.  The Jedi Master, if he even deserved the title anymore, had shirked his responsibilities and his own bond to his padawan and then waltzed in expecting them to magically be able to talk.

A Jedi would be up for this, be able to set aside their anger and age-old feelings of rejection.  Peace, serenity, harmony, knowledge, compassion...all of these were what a Jedi’s core was meant to be based and molded around.  A Jedi would talk in this situation and approach the conversation with an open mind and calm heart.

Obi-Wan wasn’t a Jedi yet.

“There isn’t enough time in the galaxy that would make me feel up to talking,” Obi-Wan uttered near-silently.  The sentence wasn’t meant to be heard, but he also didn’t seem to find it within him to care if it was.

If Obi-Wan were privy to the Sith’s thoughts and beliefs as to what his were, he’d have been even more infuriated.  Since he was not, this was as angry as Obi-Wan thought he could be.

Obi-Wan refused to look in his Master’s direction for a long moment, only now aware of the tremors running through him.

Unconsciously, he fiddled and fidgeted with a bead in his padawan braid and the moment ran longer.

“You’ve been thinking about this for some time, haven’t you?” Qui-Gon spoke before sitting down in front of his padawan. “I didn’t reject just you. I rejected others. I wasn’t certain I would even make a proper Master or be able to teach a young Jedi like yourself properly. Not every one of us is cut out to be a teacher, Obi-Wan. I didn’t want to fail my padawan.”

He looked at the young man. “Though to be fair you were rebellious and difficult when we met. I suppose I was testing you in my own way to expose you to the fact that if your heart was set on learning from me, I wasn’t going to be like any other Master you knew. You have strength, persistance, and stubbornness. I knew it was the Will of the Force that you become my padawan and here you are, at my side, as I do my best to teach you. I may not have chosen you from the beginning as your fellow padawans were by their Masters, but you are the only one who deserves to be a padawan because you worked hard to get here.”

So many other words and rebukes (as well as self-depreciative remarks) at the tip of his tongue, but ultimately Obi-Wan set aside all of them and looked away again.  Qui-Gon’s answer left him with more questions and rebuttals than reassurances.

“Don’t make me kill you.”

“’Good’ is a point of view.”

“You were the chosen one!”

“Are you going to kill me?”

“I don’t believe you. I can’t…”

“You underestimate my power!”

“Crush them! Make them suffer!”

“Is it possible to learn this power?”

“I know what’s been troubling you.”

“You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”

“Thing’s will be different, I promise.”

“You have allowed this to twist your mind…”

“If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.”

“I’m going to put an end to this, once and for all!”

“You’ve become the very thing you swore to destroy.”

“But at what cost? You’re a good person, don’t do this!”

“Are you all right? You’re trembling. What’s going on?”

“So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.”

“Your anger and lust for power have already done that…”

“There are too many of them. What are we going to do?”

“Now, let’s get a move on. We’ve got a battle to win here.”

“No. Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore!”

“Do what must be done. Do not hesitate. Show no mercy.”

“It was said that you would destroy the _____, not join them!”

“I can’t live without her. If she dies, I don’t know what I will do.”

“I can feel your anger. It give you focus… makes you stronger.”

“You’re breaking my heart! You’re going down a path I cannot follow!”