Fics Written in the Stars

Sage!

i am very proud of this one :333

if i was to guess, i’d say he still doesn’t understand him cause he only saw a small part of what it was like to be Fount. that’s about the only thing that makes sense. but i doubt Shadow Milk will EVER believe Pure Vanilla trully understands him after the Fake Marriage Proposal and Airship Incident

He is played obviously camp and dramatic, for a start, and there is the aforementioned "hate your hair/not likely/yikes yikes yikes/let me guess you have a great personality" summary dismissal of all his potential brides. Then he spends dinner asking Yzma about Kronk ("so he seems nice? He's what, in his late twenties?") and otherwise being slightly obsessed with him.

Then there is the whole Adventure of Doom with Pacha, him being ever huffy about the Kiss of Life, and then the restaurant gag where Kuzco takes to playing Pacha's fake wife and dressing up in ladies' clothing with great gusto (reinforced by the waitress' "bless you for coming out in public" remark when Pacha says they're on their honeymoon). Then when he is finally de-llamafied, we don't see him paired off with the obligatory girl from the lineup earlier, as might otherwise be expected in a Disney movie. Instead he is still single, but goes to found family it up with Pacha, Chica, Kronk, etc, which dare we remark is a very queer trope.

In short, I have no idea how a Disney movie with no white people (all the characters are Indigenous/people of color), a gay king, cross-dressing jokes, and the most offbeat plot of all time actually ever got made (can you imagine the Family Friendly Mouse doing that today? Let us also talk about Kronk because he is a brilliant deconstruction of both toxic masculinity and the musclebound henchman stereotype.) Other than that this was the Chaos Hour of animated movies in the late 90s/early 2000s, and yes.

Please, read this article if you have some time. This story is wild, and involves directors being pitted against each other Bake-Off style and a shockingly intimate documentary created by the wife of Sting who, himself was heartbroken by the decimation of the songs he wrote for the film including cutting a fantastic Yzma villain song sung by Eartha Kitt that is SO DAMN GOOD but would not ever have fit the more nailed-down Yzma we would eventually come to know and love. It’s so catchy though, I’m doubling up on calls to action but please listen now:

(Viri over Truthless lol)

All of the names are names of TMNT characters. They’re all dressed like their TMNT counterparts too, to the point where it feels like actually I’m looking at human designs for all the turtles. (The exception to this is Raph, or ‘Ralph’, but that makes sense considering that little reveal about him at the end). “Wait... this guy knows school” is a reference to the fact they’re all mutant turtles that never went to public school. But that’s not the only thing, because it so painfully obvious that the creator of this TikTok watched the 2012 cartoon specifically.

It’s completely insane. They all act like and interact with each other exactly like how they do in the ‘12 cartoon. It’s every little detail. Casey being a teenage delinquent. Donnie’s skepticism of Casey. The way everyone ELSE operates around Casey. It’s everything. I keep noticing new things every time I watch this video. Mikey’s the most obvious example of this, but I think the creator might be changing the way he talks to reflect Leo’s voice actor(s) too.

This entire video is a Spy AU fanfiction of TMNT 2012 with ridiculously high production quality. It fits so perfectly that it literally shouldn’t be able to be anything else. And YET - it’s so expertly crafted so as to make it indiscernible from any other stock Disney spy movie. This is so impressive it borders on manic.

He was the one who decided to explode the press into a fucking circus, to insult himself as his villain self, to not only tease Sage with the idea of him breaking up but to drag their partners into it. If he's crying, good. He wasn't the one who had to deal with Sage during the first "break". It's the least that he deserves after all he pulled on Sage.

Both Sage and Pure Vanilla falling apart without each other. Neither of them know how to fix their relationship, and the struggle is bleeding into their work lives.

Sage is an absolute nervous wreck, still trying to snatch his phone back from Salt to call PV (its only been a week since he asked for an actual break), and he's been taking a break from work to properly work through everything (honestly its more like house arrest because he might break into Pure Vanilla's apartment if left unsupervised for too long).

Meanwhile Pure Vanilla is kinda hibernating. He hasn't left his blanket cocoon on the couch for three days, and he's holding a picture of Sage under said blankets. The other Ancients know this will pass (most of them have actually went through this), and are trying to assure him that Sage won't break up with him. He's still going to work, he's just super distracted, and keeps getting lost in thought.

Oof, I feel that "hiding under the blankets with a picture of them" with PV 😭🙏

---

I imagine it gets to the point the other Virtuous Heroes are rotating who is with Sage because if he's left alone he WILL go to PV's apartment. But Salt keeps the phone. The others will either give in or not hold onto it tight enough to keep Sage from calling him.

"White Lily and I went through a similar break when I found out about the experiments. She still thinks the break is because the press discovered our relationship and I was trying to protect her." Salt holds the phone up out of Sage's reach.

"This is different! Pure Vanilla isn't running an illegal underground drug and human experimentation ring." Sage huffs.

"True. But it was still painful to step away from her." Salt nods. "Trust me. This will be good for your relationship in the long run if you both take the time to figure out who you both really are."

"I am the Sage of mother fucking Truth. Now GIVE ME MY PHONE!"

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Meanwhile at PV's place.

Hollyberry dropped the takeout bag onto the counter, "He's still just...in there?"