black holes are button holes

This is what Caesar’s doing with all our sestertii?  I swear, sometimes you just want to stab him.

Wait, this isn't Florida?

Opening bartenders lament

My headcanon here is that Courtney left that Hole shirt at Billy's on purpose when she was fucking him and then Darcy needed a shirt once and picked up whatever was laying around

I always play a sorcerer but apparently I am a wizard. Every single one of those is true.

Fall look goals

so tonight im working super late at an adults-only event at the zoo where it’s basically endless beer and wine tasting and then wandering around the zoo at night. Keepers mainly sit around then we just take turns going up for a circuit through our areas and let me tell you as the night has gone on things have gotten more entertaining. So far I have seen: -A group of drunk girls legit crying in front of the puffin exhibit because they’re Too Cute -A dude pointed at a vacant eyed, open mouthed, coldwater fish and, completely deadpan, turned to his friend and went “it’s you” -overheard a very serious debate on whether or not sea turtles sleep (”Ted you fucking moron everything fuckin sleeps jesus christ” -A girl stroking her hand back and forth on the glass in front of a chillin Amazon cichlid (idk what part ok freshwater exhibits aint my thing) cooing “It’s just so pretty I want to be it’s friend” -A man enthusiastically singing a ballad in front of the aquarium with some grand drunk improv like one standout line was “What we doin at the zoOOOoooOOooo? We drinkin a breeEWWWwwwwwwwww!”

-a very harried voice on the radio sighing “we need more captain morgan and vodka at concessions” -five calls for medics -three calls for broken glass -A girl standing on her own in the middle of the shark reef tunnel, staring straight up with an open mouth and arms limp at her sides, oblivious to all the people around her - “Ahaha. holy shit look at all of it’s legs” said in front of the octopus exhibit -overheard a loud furious “DID YOU JUST FUCKING AS ME IF THE PENGUINS ARE FAKE?!”  -This exchange on the radio “Hi concessions to event management? What do we do with the used napkins?” Long pause, then a disgusted “You throw them away. Because they’re garbage.” (honestly prayer circle for concessions) - “holy shit it’s nemo what up dude” (I hear a million variations of “i found nemo!” but this is my favorite so far ok)

Oh I want to bartend something like this lol