vaguely fruity

and as someone with markedly more life experience at the time, you Did have a responsibility to watch your actions. i don’t think i’ve stated that i think i didn’t shoulder some responsibility— certainly not recently. And I have been in roughly the same position you were in, and made the same mistakes, or similar ones, and that is partly why I feel so strongly about it in the first place. and mistakes are human, humans are fallible, i get it.

but here is the real difference dumbass: i didn’t hound the people i inadvertently hurt afterwards. when they said they wanted, needed space, even when there was no expectation that they would EVER want to talk again, i listened and abided by their wishes. even when it was painful for me. that is something that you seem to be incapable of.

to your other issues with my precise wordage: art encompasses a broad scope of written AND handcrafted media. i certainly haven’t used the word ‘art’ in any recent (read: post within the last two years) description of your actions. you writing that you wanted me to tear you open and eat your heart was a ‘fantasy’ of yours. you wrote a lot worse, too. i’m also not publishing your rambling, self-aggrandizing asks because defunct as it is, this is still my blog and i get to choose what i put here? also because, if you didn’t know, when you block someone, tumblr deletes any asks they’ve sent you.

pet a cat, hug a tree, have fun. your life still seems to return to me again and again and you profess that you don’t want it to, but you’re still fuckin here aren’t you? show the messages and etc. you’ve sent me to a professional, or at the very least a trusted friend, and see what they have to say. see if any of this has been ‘healing’ for you. don’t make it my problem. i actually don’t care.

creepy fuckin stalker that u are it’s not particularly surprising that u wormed ur way back into my inbox, lol. i’m reading thru ur anon message and this is all just extremely rich considering u posted sexual and non-specifically sexual guro fantasies abt me to ur private while i was still a minor. also lest u forget u lied to literally everyone u were friends with in our shared circle abt having a dissociative disorder which caused me 2 misdiagnose my own symptoms and doubt myself like nobody’s business. 

plus the guilt-tripping if i didn’t stay awake at all hours with u. u were extremely dependent on me, again, a MINOR, for stuff that i was not prepared to deal with. i don’t believe you when you say that you’ll never read this because, quite honestly, you’ve claimed that you were gonna cut contact with me like 4 times now and u keep comin back w some real bullshit each time trying to make me feel like it was. somehow my fault that you were emotionally manipulative and abusive? 

i’d say i’m sorry that i wasn’t kinder to you, but i wish i’d been less kind than i was. you were awful to me. and i’m completely willing to let you exist in a space separate from mine, like i have been for the past what, two, three years? longer, even? it is not my fault that you don’t want to acknowledge your own bad behaviour. you, really wanna be a victim but every time we’ve had a one on one and i’ve actually stood my ground, you’ve acknowledged that you were abusive. and i can believe that you’re not an inherently abusive person, but your actions CERTAINLY were abusive. sorry. you can’t, get around that. i was a kid.

surely, that nagging ache will go away on its own. surely. if they can just pretend like nothing’s wrong, if they can just play at being ordinary – 

comin back after a couple months with a little art update – these are two cards i did for a TwitchRP fan tarot project! [link] 

“Well-met by moonlight, esteemed colleague,” the Ouhu trilled, stepping forward and grasping my hand between their razor-sharp claws with surprising care. “I am eager to begin our work together.”