Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Like so many other fragmented memories of Shoutoās past, he realizes in that moment that the existence of Snowball had completely escaped him. Given, her residence at the Todoroki estate had been short-lived, but he remembered her all the same. She had been so small and he couldnāt reach her- he might have asked Natsuo, but in the end Touya had been the one to retrieve her.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āI couldnāt keep her,ā he mutters. Maybe Fuyumi and Natsuo had kept her a little longer without Enjiās knowledge. He had seldom seen Snowball after his father became aware of her existence. A distraction, he had been told, worth someone elseās time. Shouto sets his shoulders, tries to shake off the feeling of simultaneously burning and freezing at the same time.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Snowball was a fleeting existence that had been taken away; like his mother, like Touya. But Touya had left, because he couldnāt handle their father anymore, because he had no choice, because that disgrace is never to be mentioned again.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Now Shouto stands eye-to-eye with the disgrace, and his stomach feels like itās being held in a fist as the understanding settles that in another time, another world- that could have been him. Driven by spite and fallen from grace, a name not even whispered in the dark at the estate- how did this ever happen?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āYou want to reconcile.ā Itās a guess at best and a fear at worst. His stomach tightens in anticipation, heat scorching up his left arm with the threat of combustion. He swallows and pushes his feelings down, squishing them into oblivion until the sensation goes away.
āah, what a shameā, he responds,Ā āshe was such a relief, an angel. you were so happy to have her.ā of course itās because of the disgrace that calls himself a father. of course itās because of him that they eventually couldnāt keep snowball. he sighs. he hopes that snowball is doing fine, wherever she might be now. he hopes that his mother is fine as well.Ā
he wishes he wouldnāt have run away from the family. but itās all because of their father. the man who didnāt only use shouto as a tool for his success, but also dabi himself.Ā
reconcile, shouto says. does dabi really want that? does shouto actually want that?Ā ādependsā, he answers,Ā āwhat do you want, outoto? do you want me to disappear again?ā now that they have reunited after years, it feels like shoutoās been sitting on the mindset of dabi being a disgrace, a bane of shoutoās very existence.