zenisis

i guess i always feel the need to take a break when i’m stretched too thin, snappy not happy, mean not lean, brittle not flexible, strained and drained not agile of brain. for one so social and happy go lucky, this is a mess.  overstimulated, too much but not for the self, i’m left out of breath and tears roll. i just can’t keep staring at the endless scrolls of someone else’s opinion, life, carefully constructed stories with pictures and words that may have no meaning.  i’m brought back to drip my thoughts out and let them bring my darkness to the light.  that flip side of my mentality that few have seen and fewer have understood.  i can’t often plan that far ahead, to bring that to a healthy place instead, it rears its head once my hands can no longer grasp the rope and i slip, but its not to fall, its to be caught by the anger or distress that has been coiling, boiling underneath my endless positivity. in this i truly believe but my need for balance pushes me off the edge from time to time and i need it, to feel it, caressing my hard edges, touching my lascivious thoughts.  somehow, its this that reminds me of who i can be, should be, would be, will be, have been. i think then of those who know this, feel this, touch this too and know that the danger that is there is what makes us alive.