it's all for you

I am cold of heart, warm of brain, and given to never-ending meditation; I ponder over ideas, many and weighty, and even over things which can never come to pass.

I didn’t even try to go to bed. I walked back and forth across the floor and thought, further and further inside myself, I thought about my own thoughts and I noticed them, how they just drove around in their own tracks, like the hot wheel cars I had when I was little. I walked back and forth until morning came.

I begin to dread the sun going down. Nighttime is when the fire burns most fiercely inside my head and I’m at a loss to know how to put it out.

He couldn't commit, of course. He knew he was incapable of truly pledging his faith to anyone or anything again.

“You’re seeking something, but at the same time, you are running away for all you’re worth.”

And all at once she turned to me, her face pale, her eyes strangely alight. She said, "Is it possible to love someone so much, that it gives one a pleasure, an accountable pleasure, to hurt them? To hurt them by jealousy I mean, and to hurt oneself at the same time. Pleasure and pain, an equal mingling of pleasure and pain. Just as an experiment, a rare sensation?"

Now that he was trying to find something out from me, I was in full flight from him. I did not want him to know me. I did not want anyone to know me.

One of my biggest fears is being the person that you regret giving your love to.

“So release yourself from that. Don’t be strategic or coy. Strategic and coy are for jackasses. Be brave. Be authentic. Practice saying the word ‘love’ to the people you love so when it matters the most to say it, you will.”

I do not love you fearlessly. (I am afraid.) And so I love you bravely.

He doesn't love me anymore, she mourned, and she became filled with a gut-wrenching terror. For she had grown to depend on his love, and she was firmly convinced that without it she would vaporize, and nothing would be left of her at all.