Kingathy

in addition to my meta from last night, omfg not the similar head in hands pose saved for only romantic love interests 🤭

Carmy wouldn’t have accepted that treatment from Fields (or he wouldn’t have processed it and justified it the way he did) if he hadn’t been abused by Donna first, which on its own would have made for a more cathartic final if Carmen had decided to cut ties with Donna, at least for a while. To showcase his capacity to cut ties with the systems that oppressed him from the beginning, to acknowledge the core of the wound inside of him. Instead, getting an apology from Donna was apparently enough for Carmen to open himself up to enjoying life again. It really didn’t; Syd made that happen for him even before he got to talk to Donna.

And the show tries to give you the idea that Donna understands she did bad things, that she acknowledged it the way Fields never did. And I think what they implied here is that Donna deserves a chance at redemption cause she knows what she did was wrong. Or that she is more likely to change cause she understands what she did.

Full stop, no. Nobody “deserves” anything; you are either given grace or not. That depends solely on the people you hurt. Carmen and Nat had the total right to cut Donna just while they recover from the things she put them through; they don’t have a responsibility to care for or heal her just cause she is their mom. That’s literally the opposite of reality; they don’t own her shit. Even if she tries to do right by them now, even if she loves them, cause she loved them plenty while she was abusing them too. Why is there a sad pause while discussing that Mickey was Donna’s favorite? As if not worrying enough that the one kid who got the attention and adoration from Donna is also the one who felt the most trapped in life? Donna not only abused her children, but she also neglected them emotionally enough for them to carry into very unhealthy dynamics and coping mechanisms. For Carmen it was Fields and cooking, for Michael it was drugs and failed projects.

It would have made a bigger impact on me and my belief in Donna’s capacity for change if she had ever allowed her kids to distance themselves from her, because she mainly used her kids as sources of emotional security throughout her life. Her understanding that she did bad things doesn’t mean she understands why she did them. It doesn’t imply that she now has the emotional maturity or coping mechanisms to avoid falling back into old habits and behaviors. Donna’s behavior in s5 seemed somewhat childish, as if they were trying to portray her as a bear with no teeth left, as if she dropped all her vicious behavior the moment she decided to. That doesn’t work like that.

Carmen has his own arc to overcome his trauma about being in the safe zone. His first and main safe zone is Sydney, then Richie, and his team. He doesn’t feel the ghost of Fields hunting him anymore cause what he did to him was proven wrong- that, no matter how much he failed, he would always be worthy of love. That’s what happened when he dropped the dish, and Syd and Richie calmed him down.

I wanted to explore him and his anger because I feel like his anger would play a huge role in his obsession. There's plenty of times we’ve seen that as much as he tries to play nonchalant dreadhead he is also just as easily ragebaited. I also feel like he’d low-key get upset bout not being right all the time. But anyways…