All Bugs Are Angels

I’m a worker or “female” honeybee. being “female” to me is different than a human perspective of being “female”, obviously, because we are not the same species, and have different sex characteristics, and different perceptions of gender. therefore, for the sake of this post, I prefer the term worker (might do a whole nother post on this later now that i think about it!)

I now know I was a worker through memories and urges, but I actually tend to lean a bit masc internalized gender wise, and I grappled for a long time with the thought of possibly being a drone.

most of the struggle here was at least partially incited by my very intense “drones are useless, they contribute nothing to the hive and are nothing but extra mouths to feed” thoughts. it really scared me, because this is some of the argument I also hear from terfs or about disabled people, and I don’t actually believe that in reality, or at least I really really hope I don’t. I’m disabled myself, and a guy a good chunk of the time, but I still feel this way. honestly, I do struggle a bit with bad thoughts in general and whether they make me a horrible person. I can scream “no thought crimes” at the top of my lungs as much as I want, but I’m still a huge hypocrite when it comes to my inner thoughts

in theory, of course, it makes sense for me to think this way in a bee society, because from what we know, drones do have to be thrown out of the hive for the sake of the hive’s overall survival. Like how mother birds will sometimes abandon the weakest young. That’s a big point on which humans and bees differ. it’s just the way it is. one day, (and I know it’s sounds silly) i would like to hope that throwing out the drones won’t be necessary anymore, but that might be the human in me as well.

that’s the thing though. Like it or not, I’m currently living in a predominantly human society. It’s just a fact. Being amongst humans means occasionally reflecting on your urges and deciding which ones you want to keep in your life. I’m not dulling myself down. In fact, I intend to only become more wild in the coming years of my life. I’m simply deciding to let go of a survival mechanism I no longer need. I believe that everyone deserves an equal chance at life, and now we have the resources to give that, which we didn’t have (or at least had that biological programming that told us we didn’t have) before.

Now I can confidently say: