afraid & happy

when everything feels like the movies you bleed just to know youre alive. or so ive heard.

sorry if I sound awkward and disoriented and sleep deprived and exhausted. it’s because I am

truly one of the most demoralising things about being in the job market atm is "only successful applicants will be notified" is practically a universal standard. so you spend hours, sometimes days filling out applications, writing CVs and cover letters only to be ghosted as the only form of communication. Not even a "thank you but this time you've been unsuccessful" email. You're in a constant state of "did I not get it or have they not contacted me?" and you just have to eventually conclude you were unsuccessful without so much as courtesy, "sorry, but thank you for your application." A literal thankless cycle for months and months and months. You'd think with all the ways to automate these processes they would at least have the time, means and decency to acknowledge your submission and let you off the hook, but no. You're just in limbo in every possible way in the name of "efficiency". Solidarity with everyone going through this because it is truly dehumanising and demoralising to work so hard on putting yourself forward constantly without acknowledgement or useful communication of any sort for long periods of time, and most ppl simply will not have any compassion for what that's like.

my favorite part of psych is that shawn isn’t some born genius, every episode opener shows that he’s the product of a very insane detective father who specifically was trying to engineer the Perfect Crime Solving Machine

there’s something so gutwrenching about the fact that the female characters in obsession have real dreams and wishes but never get the chance to see them realized, while both male characters waste their wishes on short-term selfish satisfaction. they were complex, free-spirited young women who just wanted to create art, and they were destroyed by a man determined to confine them to his superficial perception of them. nikki wanted to be a writer, sarah wanted to be a tattoo artist and now neither of them will get to be anything at all

Just saw the interview where Curry Barker explained that it's totally possible to get a normal wish from the One Wish Willow, and I love the way they did that so much. The reason Obsession happened isn't because it's trying to twist Bear's desires into something evil. It's not even because he phrased his want wrong. Obsession happened because Bear got his hands on a magic item that could do anything in existence, and chose to force someone to fall in love with him, which is an inherently evil thing to do.

Seriously though. The second his friend wishes for a million dollars and just gets it, I was like, oh. This COULD have wrapped up in 60 seconds if Bear just made a different wish. Like to bring his cat back from the dead or something.

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

Our age of plastics is collapsing

murph really said “here’s my character. he practices Gentleman Fisting and always carries oil with him. also he has to resist the urge to undress whenever he sees strong men” and we all just accepted that

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

I'm a pacifist like institutionally but I'm absolutely certain that violence solves at least some problems on a much smaller level. I don't believe in wars or nuclear weapons or military campaigns I do believe in the power of that guy who punched the nazi in the face so hard his entire media presence immediately crumbled to dust

maybe orpheus always looks back because his very effort to reverse death means that he can't look forward. if he could look forward, he could accept eurydice's death, grieve, and keep moving in life. his refusal to accept her death is looking back. his going down to the underworld, asking hades and persephone for her life, trying to lead her out... it's all 'looking back'. he does nothing for the entire story except look back. orpheus! looks! back! it's his entire thing! the story ends the same way it begins: orpheus looked back.

turns out "everything you have ever wanted is on the other side of this fear" is a great trans mantra but also a good mantra if you have OCD