afraid & happy

so many guys dressed up as grant wearing grant glasses and grant shirts and who look kinda like grant stood in a room for like an entire shootblock with this script memorized

do you think they talked??? or were they silent?? did they discuss the script or theorize about whatever the fuck is happening?? did a grant say 'i'm a new dad' just for all the other grants to go 'oh congratulations man!' and then start giving dad advice because some of them are also fathers???? how many of them are there because how many people would you need to make 'hi i'm 50' true for all of them??? when they left the room did they stream out in a crowd of grants?? do you think they made lifelong friends in that room? do you think they fell in love??? do you think one day their grandchildren will ask 'grandpas, how did you meet?' and they'll say that they met standing in a room dressed as some guy named grant and speaking identically because somehow they ended up standing next to each other and now their love story is forever immortalized in this episode???

i think holmberg starts them off with good luck babe since it's her big breakthrough hit and ilya is like "hm. so this is a song about being in a relationship with someone who's in denial about being gay? and they won't admit to the relationship because of it? interesting" while staring directly at shane who is making very determined eye contact with the floor.

and holmberg (clueless) is like "yeah she writes a lot of situationship anthems actually!" and puts on casual.

which allows shane to pull an instant uno reverse card and stare daggers into the side of ilya's head while going "wow, imagine what it would be like to spend years sleeping with someone who sends really confusing mixed signals by saying that what you have is casual but then treating you like it's not casual at all. that would suck."

He becomes a consultant who shitty teams trying to not suck, good teams who want to last further into the playoffs, great teams who want to finally win the cup, call to Fix Them.

He is paid absolutely bonkers amounts of money to watch a team play for five minutes and immediately diagnose what’s wrong with them. He is always right.

Ok 5 minutes is probably an exaggeration. The coaches send him a bunch of tape to review in advance. They probably focus on their best players or the ones they think need the most improvement, but half the time Shane requests more, focusing on players they hadn’t paid much attention to before. Then one day at practice, the players look up into the stands and are filled with awe, terror, and wonder, because Shane Hollander is sitting there staring directly at them with a scarily thoughtful look on his face.

He meets with the coaches and gm and reports his conclusions. Who to trade and for who , how to get better results from certain players, how to run power plays and penalty kills, changes in line makeups.

Some lucky players get to meet with him. He takes about five minutes to list off or demonstrate everything they need to do to stop sucking. He has no time for chit chat or hero worship. Focus, listen, learn, and do exactly what he says and you will be good. Fail to do what he says and you will shame your entire bloodline.