This post talks a lot about the concept of “incel ideologies” and their effects.
TW: discussions of misogyny fatalism, and the effects of abusive romantic relationships, alongside discussions of hateful rhetoric and its falsehoods.
While I consider this mostly above board, as a discussion of the concepts. People deserve the ability to know if something might cause them mental distress.
So I’ve recently fallen down the rabbit hole of learning about what I like to call “incel ideologies”. They revolve mostly around fatalism, misogyny, and pseudoscientific beliefs around sociology.
And I don’t really understand how someone reaches that point to believing in these ideals. I personally think that “gals are cool pals”. Alongside that, misogyny is antithetical to their presumed objective of getting a girlfriend or female attraction. Usually gals don’t like being insulted or treated as just a part of a group. I know, I’m surprised as well /s. Because gals are like, individuals and such, and being prescribed by a dude calling you bad things probably doesn’t feel good.
And now I’m going to get onto their fatalism ideas. Like, they don’t seem to have much hope in a better tomorrow for themselves. Which is somewhat fair, the world isn’t the best and it should be better. But once you’re deep in a hole and you want to get out, you should either climb out or call out for help, either way, the solution is not to keep on sitting in the hole. Even if it’s all preordained(darn calvinists /s, calvinists are okay I guess), you can still try.
Still on fatalism with this paragraph because I’m really critical of it. Now like, I can kinda understand being discouraged, whether in trying to make friendships, get a partner, feel accepted in society. It’s hard for all of us to feel accepted, especially when you feel like society hates you. But the best way to solve an issue like that isn’t by getting mad, it isn’t by hiding. It’s by reaching out, feeling better, being kind to others and being open.
When any of us are left behind, we’re all left behind. And while we can’t expect a single person to do all the lifting, the first step has to be their choice. You have to begin the process and be willing to follow through. Make tough decisions and know that eventually, it will become better if you try your best to support others alongside yourself
Now onto pseudoscientific sociology. This is the part of the post you might want to skip because it’s really just me attacking blatant falsehoods that have caused both men and women so much pain and hardship. And these horrible theories spewed by people can still have weight to them even if they’re lies. To start, they post that women are “hypergamous”, which is their “scientific” way of calling women “cheaters”. Now of course, this doesn’t follow, consider the following.
Everyone who wants a relationship, usually wants a stable relationship, where their partner is kind and understanding to them. If your partner is abusive and unkind, they might harm your ability to live. Which is bad. Therefore, you would want to choose a partner who is the least likely to be bad towards you, or you could be okay with not having a partner for a while because you had bad previous experiences. AFAB people are not inherently hypergamous. This is proven by the fact that people will stay with good people, and will usually try their hardest to leave bad people. If hypergamy means leaving abusive relationships, then “incel ideologies” become more about control than a feeling of being left out.
You may have noticed I suddenly shifted to saying “AFAB” instead of “gals”. This is because incels often are openly hostile to trans people for various reasons, usually to do with preconceived notions or stereotypes about trans people. This is bad of course. As trans gals means more gal pals, and trans guys just mean more guy pals. And having more friends means more knowledge and more chances of knowing things that you might need to know.
Their bioessentialism is inherently to their pseudoscientific concepts as they have often been in communities in which a hatred of women is ingrained. And, when it is proven that men and women are more amorphous concepts than a binary, it throws a spanner into the works and forces an exposure of the holes in their ideology.
But, like when heavily-conditioned cultists see a chance for freedom, they will reject it as false. They will create exceptions that deny reality in exchange of a false sense of certainty. Many communities do this, create flawed rules and hypotheses that verify their own beliefs and ignore counter evidence.
So, kinda in conclusion(he discovered this once simple trick to end an essay, teacher hate him!), I don’t understand these “incel ideologies”, and I don’t know if I ever will. I guess it might be good that I haven’t been so isolated or in bad communities that cause me to feel like these concepts are true. But still, I believe in compassion, and a lot of incels are souls in torment, torn between a want to connect and love people, and live in peace, and contrasted with a deep internal distrust, and feelings of self-hate, and insecurities. And I have those too, and even if a bridge is difficult to gap, and even if we don’t speak the same language, we should try and help people out.
