Iris

Hi, My name is Iris, I wanted to start a blog of everything that I have felt in life because I want at least someone to feel how I feel. Or to listen. Maybe I speak to no one. Maybe I speak to one. But at least it's out there. Tumblr might be an old platform. But where else am I to write just words? What platform do none of my friends have? Because if they were to read this, I don't know if they'll ever forgive me. If they do, I don't know what I'd do with myself. Is it bad that I am going to write about my life here? Is it unsafe? Am I going to get stalked by creepy people? Or am I just a nobody who no one will hear? Either way, if you ever do come across this, I hope you relate or enjoy it. If anyone ever finds this.

I am wasian. My father is white, my mother is Japanese. I live in America. We speak English at home. I know barely any Japanese and I hate myself for it. I can’t talk, I can’t listen. I can’t hold a conversation version with my grandparents. Well, grandparent. I missed the chance to speak to my jiji (grandpa), before he passed away.

I’m going to Japan this summer with my mom. She wants me to study there. But I should know a little to get a head start. I should have started. But my head tells me I’m not good enough and I’m too old to try. That my accent is horrid and my grammar is worse. All my other children of immigrant parent friends are practically fluent and I feel horrible that I do not meet that level.